Rollin' Rollin' Rollin' on the River

Today started off later than normal, but too early for a Saturday.
I spent the first part of the morning picking rocks and gum out of guys shoes for the Miracle League Tournament put on by GRIP. There were some new volunteers who were super nice. I respected the fact that they came from a local church and were trying to contribute within the community. I did feel conflicted though- as I was blinded by their diamond rings and could not keep up with their discussion of fashion and concerts and the like. They were not overdone, but it was just painfully obvious that their lives were much more glamorous than mine and it made me feel small. I still feel conflicted, but it does serve as a reminder to be careful how others perceive my appearance and not just be content with good intentions.

In the afternoon, Donald and I went out to WHEAT-IN to visit Andrew. Donald borrowed his roommate's van which was impressively clean for a man's vehicle. We went to Sweet Tomatoes... mmmm. Such a delicious place! Also, we went to see the proposal. It was much different this 2nd time watching it in between two men rather than a row full of cackling girls. Let me just say that the part where she dances around the fire is much funnier with boys. :)
On the way home, Donald tried in vain to find a gas station with a slurpee machine. We could have used some beverage too since we worked up quite a thirst singing the whole way. Proud Mary.... a definite crowd pleaser. To quote my favorite Helen 'Keller' movie, "But Sister, anyone could get proud Mary and hail Mary confused..."

Later in the day, I passed a billboard advertising a late night talk show with a woman who boasted having 'the sharpest tongue.' My first reaction was sarcastic disbelief... "Oh, yeah huh...? bring it!" But then it grew into a weird sense of sad conviction. Something about this woman's picture disgusted me. And simultaneously I identified with it. I identified with it because I can be pretty sassy and at times sharp. There are times, (especially with men) where I feel that it's necessary to prove that I can "hold my own"; "take care of myself"; "give it back"; etc. To some extent- that's good. I am glad that I can be independent and not rely on a man to give me all my opinions HOWEVER I never want to be that repulsive image on the billboard. The image that is too tough to be loved, to listen, to see the best in people, to support, to be hospitable, to be unselfish. Donald is such a gentleman and today it was super nice to feel like I could let my guard down, with nothing to prove and just be this idyllic "girl". Insert LaCrae song Identity here: Hair, check, shoes, check...CHECK. Hair and nails done, sparkle lotion on, slurpee seeking, riding in the passenger seat, singing Proud Mary and laughing my guts out. Instead of resenting his consideration for me, I relished it. I am really thankful to be a girl and am thankful when men affirm my role rather than expect me to compete with them. Good job Donald- you're my hero. ;)

Tonight I went to Navy Pier and watched the fireworks... I love fireworks! Especially the ones that look like sparkly weeping willow trees. There were so many people with their phones out, texting during the show. It seemed strange to me that such beauty could be just background noise for them. What could possibly be so much more attention grabbing? I know it's not a moral thing - fireworks are man made, but it just said alot that our culture was so easily bored. Sad. On the walk I saw a few things I want to go back and visit. Who knew there were so many art galleries down Illinois on the way to the Pier? There was a picture in one of the windows that was the mountains on a canvas and then a shelf with a truck on it. It was so small in comparison to those mountains and it gave you this sense of the epic in the everyday. Such a neat perspective to see the whole picture rather than just what we would see from the truck. Another was acrylic paint on a metal background. Such a cool look- to see the metal reflecting the light amidst the paint. Also, there is a beautiful restaurant that looks super expensive, but someday I'd like to visit: http://www.citechicago.com/ Cool right?

Just Sayin'

Today I sent out the roommate and housing information via email.

Tell me...
how would you feel if you found out your new roommate's email was catlover?
or how about Visitor of Earth?

Maybe that should be in a college prep book: "It may be helpful to change your email to something generic, yet unique like your name or initials. That way people don't get the wrong idea about you...or the right one."

I'm just sayin'

Tiggy and the Smokey Mountains

One of my absolute favorite children's books is about Tiggy and the Big Wave. It was an audio book that my Mom and I used to listen to over and over and over again. Sadly I could not find it anywhere on the internet to post a picture-- anyone know this book or where I could find it?? I think might have been a whole series of Tiggy books actually. In every book little Tiggy was afraid and then she would do something brave things anyway. I really resonated with Tiggy when I was a kid... and I guess I still do now because I thought about her alot when I was in TN last week.

Last Tuesday at about the same time I was writing the Angry Eyebrows post, feeling totally overwhelmed with the annoying and conflicting emotions raging inside me. Leaving for TN felt heavy and if it hadn't been for such a spectacular cast of girls going, I probably would have backed out. I'm so glad I didn't though!

It was my first time to see the mountains. They are incredible! It doesn't matter how many words I could use or pictures I could take... it doesn't even do them justice. The thing I liked the most about them is how big they are and how small they made me feel. That probably sounds strange but I think the reason I was so angry was because I was thinking of myself as so big and responsible and trying to carry a weight far beyond my strength all the while growing resentful that it wasn't lighter. Standing in the midst of those mountains made me realize how truly small I am- Tiggy size small. I felt the straps of those weights and burdens and fears and jealousy snap as I the Lord reminded me that He was strong enough to carry all these and me too. What a comfort it is to feel small in the arms of someone strong and even better; in the arms of someone who is strong and good. I am so thankful that even the earth shows us the glory of our Creator. A glimpse of how big He is was just what I needed. Isn't it crazy that for so many years before people explored America these mountains were just sitting here? God made them because He could, because it brought Him glory. What a truly genius God we serve.

It was so interesting to me that in a place where there was so much natural beauty there was also so much noise. All along the strip in Pigeon Forge there were "Attractions." Go Karts and Putt Putt and Laser Tag and Dinner Shows and Dollywood and Seen on TV stores and Pancake Houses all with blinking lights and fluorescent signs. As if the mountains were not enough to attract people!

One day we hiked up Cade's Cove to a waterfall. I have never felt cooler in my life. :) NERD ALERT, I know! It was so fun to hike and sit by the waterfall and even take a (very chilly) dip in the water. We didn't see any bears, but there were warnings bout them being active on that particular trail. Another day we spent in Gatlinberg and took a ski lift up the mountain to an observation point. Usually I am super afraid of heights, but I loved my feet dangling over the trees (and I held on real tight). We cooked most of our food on the Coleman stove- except for the occasional trip to Chick-Fil-A or a gas station hot dog of course. Sarah made fires for us to roast marshmallows most nights. I love smelling like campfire. I haven't washed my sweatshirt yet because I just can't part with that smell. We read story books and took a ton of pictures too. Hannah and Sarah are great at the camera- they were trying all sorts of crazy fun stuff with sparklers and shutter speeds. The pictures are on Facebook if you wanna check them out.

One night as we were reading our bedtime story Sarah spotted a spider on the wall. Someone warned me to turn the fan off before I tried to smack it with a book, and I thought I did turn it off. Moments later as I tried the get the spider the fan blades made a eerie noise and the light flashed. Oops! From that point on our cabin light would only work some of the time-- like when the sliding door would slam. Then it kinda gave up and wouldn't come on at all. Better that way though- you can't be afraid of bugs you can't see.

The day before we left we played mini golf and maybe went shopping at the outlet mall too. maybe. hahahha. The course that had a mini-Taj Mahal... a bright pink one. Finally, pictures of me at the Taj! The shopping trip was priceless- there were a couple women in the dressing room that were very interested in what I was trying on. They were so cute and really flattering. I wish those ladies could come with me everywhere! It was so fun though to buy clothes a size smaller and to make a gutsy purchase at only 5% sales tax. Alli and the other girls persuaded me to buy this pink dress. It is so cute and I do really like it, but not the sort of thing I would ever believe I could "pull off" without good friends chanting approval. When I wear it out I'll try to remember to post a picture. :) It's pretty "cajun."

We had a good trip home- ran into some traffic, but we made the best of it. Singing Mariah, dancing to Beyonce, giggling at truckers, etc. Glad to be home and back with Kaits. But I do miss the mountains....

Tennessee is the Shit

***Read At Your Own Risk Disclaimer: If the title of this blog offends you, probably you will not like the rest of this post. I apologize for the crass word but there really is no other way to describe what I am about to (which you will see if you chose to continue reading).

Some of my very best friends and I spent Wednesday through Sunday in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee near Gatlinberg. While there, I felt like I was in a different world at times. For the first time I realized that Jeff Foxworthy wasn't really joking. I love different people and appreciate diversity, but some things you just gotta laugh at. Here's just a few of them:

"Shut it" just doesn't have the same ring to it here in Illinois. Our neighbors, Robin and Wanda had brought their grandkids with them camping. They had been to this particular campground 25+ years, since they were teenagers. Let me tell you, these women rocked the fanny packs and the leopard print cover ups! Sometimes you could hear them shouting at the children to "Shut it" or "Stop it" and it kinda cracked you up because it had absolutely no affect whatsoever!

Even if they didn't yell, I don't think that these children would be very compliant. One night they wanted to throw rocks and so that's just what they did-- they threw them at their Mamaws van, at the road, at the bath house and finally after a chorus of "Stop it"'s from Robin and Wanda; the trash can. So their poor friend Kenny who takes out it trash in the morning had to haul a bagful of rocks down to the dumpster. He was always trying to talk to us, but I had a rough time understanding what he was saying- like the one police officer from Hot Fuzz.

You gotta give these kids this though- hands down they are the most creative kids I have ever met. They made water balloons out of ziplocks with holes in them to take to the parade in case there was someone they didn't like they needed to throw it at. They collected small smooth rocks... for an aquarium bottom of course!

The best part was when "Earl" visited. I say "Earl" because I do not really know if that is his name... but for the sake of the length of the blog I figured it would be more convenient to call him "Earl" than "that one guy who wore a steel tipped boots and a CAT hat and a belt with a cheery knife and eagle design burned into it who drank his beer out of a Styrofoam cup and a pack of cigarettes in his t-shirt pocket." He was talking to Alli and I about the recession and referenced a company we were unfamiliar with. "You know..." he said,"they buy shit to blow up shit." Why didn't you say that in the first place Earl? Now we know exactly which one you're talking about! He let his 5 year old grandson sit on top of the roof of the mini-van while he listened to Taylor Swift and a few other WIVK 107.7 hits. Once Earl decided to take his beer with him to the public washroom(!), his grandson got a little bored (and yelled at by Wanda) and slid down the windshield and then jumped onto the porch of their cabin. The first time was so fun he did it again and ...again ... and again. When Papaw Earl came back from the washroom he accidentally spilled some beer on his grandson. " Papaw spilled beer on me...." Forgive the pun but the "grand-daddy" of them all was when Papaw Earl came to build us a fire. He wasn't real convinced that we knew how to make a fire- well, to be honest "we" didn't, but Sarah sure did. She took a wilderness survival class! Earl would not hear it though- he brought over the many empty beer boxes and put them on our logs- even brought some of his own logs and lit that baby as bright as Dollywood on the 4th of July. He didn't really know how to make a fire either it seemed- it took awhile for the logs to light, but he did get some pretty high flames going. The children were fascinated by this and wanted to help make the flames go higher, so periodically they would come over with a bunch of napkins and throw them in. After Robin and Wanda's cries to "Stop it" failed I decided to teach them about fire safety. Smokey the Bear also appeared at this point and we turned into cartoons. I tried to teach them about the amber parts of the fire and how hot they were- how great a place it was to roast marshmallows. I tried to tell them to throw the napkin on it and then step back. I tried to tell them to leave it alone in the fire once they put it in. This was not very satisfying to them at all. Finally they were called away to go see the parade. A couple nights later they made a fire, but didn't have any kindling. Resourceful as ever, the children ran into the ladies bathroom and brought some toilet paper out to put on the fire. That night there was only 1 stall left with TP in it.

Other miscellaneous moments:
When we first arrived at camp we overheard a conversation about being taken "back to jail"... oh shit!
We watched as a woman took her dog into the shower with her...no shit!
We saw a man go with his wife into the ladies bathroom and 10 minutes later emerge showered with her...are you shitting me?!
We also overheard a conversation when a man was talking about a show with black actors that was "not bad for black people." REALLY? So tired of this SHIT!
Did I mention that when Earl was helping us with the fire we saw the full moon also?... we did... If you give a shit.

Angry Eyebrows

I don't really know how to explain it but I feel like I have been in a terrible, horrible, very bad mood for the last week and a half. Grrr. Usually you have a bad day or even two bad days and then it passes and you wipe your forehead a say, "Whew! Thank God that's over!" This mood however has just moved in it seems. Seriously, you'd think I had just made friends with 'enry 'iggins because I have been "jealous, exacting, tyrannical and a damn nuisance."

It's frustrating to know one thing in your head and then feel totally helpless to convince your heart. I cannot put my finger on why I cannot shake all these emotions that only cause destruction in my dearest relationships. It's like watching a horror film with no sound on. Sure the fear is totally legit if you are entrenched in that situation and you cannot see what's around the corner and all those creepy chords are playing in the background. But if you re watching the movie with no sound you just look dumb like you are over reacting. The scary soundtrack is silent in my head but blasting out the eardrums in my heart. Those conflicting viewpoints make me tired and quick to anger (mostly at myself, but I have had a few moments at work as well) and altogether wishing we could tun off this awful movie anyway. Where's Jack Bauer when you really need him ladies? :) Actually my roommate has been so patient with me and I super appreciate her wisdom and words of truth spoken into my life. If there was a 'become the next Jack Bauer contest' - Kaits would totally win. :)

This past weekend, I stuffed these emotions down deep- healthy I know! I needed a break from all the DRAMA and all the noise. I went to Grand Rapids and got to see such a big group of dear friends from every cross section of my life. Friday night and Saturday during the day I got to see Liz. I met her camp friends and stayed up super late talking at the lakefront under a shimmering blanket of stars. I got my first mosquito bites of the summer and did laundry with her too. Classic moment in our relationship. Saturday afternoon I went back to visit CYIA (Christian Youth in Action). I felt like the Cheers theme song should have been playing in the background- "...where everybody knows your name...." I saw Rosy for awhile and we talked some. It was the first time I really saw her as more than a little girl- somehow she has become this really deep woman.... fashionable one mind you, but nonetheless, a woman. Crazy! I got to spend a couple (literally) hours with Sara. We sat on her screened in porch, we also ate ice cream- we are really cool people. I spent the night at Amanda Ruth's- we also stayed up too late talking, but it was sooooo good to catch up. I was her first official guest to stay on the pull out sofa bed. SCORE! I packed an incredible amount visits and talking into that 34 hours I was in GR. Plus a really good time at Adam and Amy's wedding on Sunday in CHESTERTON, IN. woot!woot!

Tomorrow at 6:30am there will be a car full of ladies I love picking me up. We will be driving to TN and cabin-ing for a few days. Hopefully we will not get lice or fleas, both my Dad says cabins are known for--- hmmm. awesome. We will be swimming and enjoying hiking in nature. What a good time! We'll be back on Sunday night and hopefully by then all of that "hot and bothered"-ness will have worked it's way out of my system. hopefully.

Whirlwind

This past weekend I read a book called Now, Discover Your Strengths. The theory of the book is that instead of dropping money, time and resources on trying to compensate for our weaknesses, we should develop the talents you are already naturally inclined to. There is a test for you to take online at the half way point of the book. Here are my results:

Empathy
You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. You do not necessarily agree with each person’s perspective. You do not necessarily feel pity for each person’s predicament—this would be sympathy, not Empathy. You do not necessarily condone the choices each person makes, but you do understand. This instinctive ability to understand is powerful. You hear the unvoiced questions. You anticipate the need. Where others grapple for words, you seem to find the right words and the right tone. You help people find the right phrases to express their feelings—to themselves as well as to others. You help them give voice to their emotional life. For all these reasons other people are drawn to you.

Communication
You like to explain, to describe, to host, to speak in public, and to write. This is your Communication theme at work. Ideas are a dry beginning. Events are static. You feel a need to bring them to life, to energize them, to make them exciting and vivid. And so you turn events into stories and practice telling them. You take the dry idea and enliven it with images and examples and metaphors. You believe that most people have a very short attention span. They are bombarded by information, but very little of it survives. You want your information—whether an idea, an event, a product’s features and benefits, a discovery, or a lesson—to survive. You want to divert their attention toward you and then capture it, lock it in. This is what drives your hunt for the perfect phrase. This is what draws you toward dramatic words and powerful word combinations. This is why people like to listen to you. Your word pictures pique their interest, sharpen their world, and inspire them to act.

Activator
“When can we start?” This is a recurring question in your life. You are impatient for action. You may concede that analysis has its uses or that debate and discussion can occasionally yield some valuable insights, but deep down you know that only action is real. Only action can make things happen. Only action leads to performance. Once a decision is made, you cannot not act. Others may worry that “there are still some things we don’t know,” but this doesn’t seem to slow you. If the decision has been made to go across town, you know that the fastest way to get there is to go stoplight to stoplight. You are not going to sit around waiting until all the lights have turned green. Besides, in your view, action and thinking are not opposites. In fact, guided by your Activator theme, you believe that action is the best device for learning. You make a decision, you take action, you look at the result, and you learn. This learning informs your next action and your next. How can you grow if you have nothing to react to? Well, you believe you can’t. You must put yourself out there. You must take the next step. It is the only way to keep your thinking fresh and informed. The bottom line is this: You know you will be judged not by what you say, not by what you think, but by what you get done. This does not frighten you. It pleases you.

Developer
You see the potential in others. Very often, in fact, potential is all you see. In your view no individual is fully formed. On the contrary, each individual is a work in progress, alive with possibilities. And you are drawn toward people for this very reason. When you interact with others, your goal is to help them experience success. You look for ways to challenge them. You devise interesting experiences that can stretch them and help them grow. And all the while you are on the lookout for the signs of growth—a new behavior learned or modified, a slight improvement in a skill, a glimpse of excellence or of “flow” where previously there were only halting steps. For you these small increments—invisible to some—are clear signs of potential being realized. These signs of growth in others are your fuel. They bring you strength and satisfaction. Over time many will seek you out for help and encouragement because on some level they know that your helpfulness is both genuine and fulfilling to you.

Responsibility
Your Responsibility theme forces you to take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. Your good name depends on it. If for some reason you cannot deliver, you automatically start to look for ways to make it up to the other person. Apologies are not enough. Excuses and rationalizations are totally unacceptable. You will not quite be able to live with yourself until you have made restitution. This conscientiousness, this near obsession for doing things right, and your impeccable ethics, combine to create your reputation: utterly dependable. When assigning new responsibilities, people will look to you first because they know it will get done. When people come to you for help—and they soon will—you must be selective. Your willingness to volunteer may sometimes lead you to take on more than you should.

If I may draw your attention to #3- Activator. Totally explains why I've been feeling the way I have lately. Since I started my new job, I feel like I live in a whirlwind.... there are a million pieces of paper swirling around my office, a million to-dos swirling around my head and a million people swirling around my window. I do love papers, to-dos and people but at some point I just really have this itch to "git-R-done." It was relieving to know that I am not insane and that it can even be a strength.

And while we are discussing whirlwinds... that is what the next week of travels is going to be like. Tomorrow I am going to Grand Rapids. I am SUPER excited to see Liz and Sara and hopefully Amanda. Also, I am going to stop by Michigan's CYIA training and see some of my buddies there and my sister Rosy. I'm sure it will be more nostalgia than I can even handle, but totally fun. I am working Monday and Tuesday next week and then headed out on a road trip to the Smokey Mountains of Tennessee. It will be such a great adventure with girls I truly love!

Update on the sunburned back: It no longer hurts so much and the peeling has started. I used to always think that part was so cool, but right now I am just feeling like it's super gross.

Anderson Cooper looks alot like Dr. Hockey

I have had a crush on Anderson Cooper since 2000 when he hosted "The Mole" on ABC. I had no idea that he was such a delightful storyteller or serious journalist at the time. Today I came across a youtube clip of him on someone's blog and next thing I know I was "googling" him. Besides the part where they speculate about his sexual orientation, I found this wikipedia entry particularly inspiring. Maybe it's his impressive travel history or his depth in dealing with topics that matter... perhaps it's something more shallow like his killer good looks, dignified chin and accent; but something about this guy makes me want to know more about the world. Pretty sure that at age 42 he is not gay, but rather (like Chris Rice) holding out for me. :) hahahhaa. Maybe not. And it may not surprise you to learn that Anderson Cooper and Dr. Hockey have similar features... I'm pretty consistent about what I like- chins, hair and accents.

My heart was also smitten this week by Joe and Lenny in the documentary "Young @ Heart." It is about a choir of senior citizens who sing rock songs- some of the parts are absolutely hysterical, other made me cry.... a really sweet movie over all. Undoubtedly a favorite part was when Lenny was driving!

My sunburn has rendered me pretty immobile. I have been surfing through tv channels at random today and caught some priceless gems. 1.) Bollywood Unlimited- a news magazine similar to Entertainment tonight or Extra here in the states. Basically the same dramatic garbage about who's wearing what and who's dating who, except they all have incredibly charming accents and can dance! 2.)Water Polo world final- Did you know they have to wear their caps at all times to prevent a broken eardrum from an accidental elbow to the ear? That's some serious business! 3.) A PBS documentary about birds- no lie I was just watching a Home Depot employee explain how the birds have figured out how to get in and out of the store through the motion activated doors of his store. Wow! "Hey Darla.... come in here Hunny- I'm on TV!"

Speaking of famous performers....This past Wednesday Alli and I went to see TOPOL in "Fiddler on the Roof." That man is a genius in his role as Teyve. Absolutely flawless... complete with all the mumbling and exclamations! The rest of the performers were not as strong, but it was worth it to say that I saw him at age 74 before he retired from the stage. :) The woman sitting next to me also made it worth it- as the music started for each song she would lean over to her husband and announce which song it was and how much she liked it. Apparently I missed the bouncing Mickey Mouse ears, because she was also singing along at parts! The show made me think of my Dad and Grandpa alot- all the rolling of eyes and sighing behind their wives back in (of course) the most comical and loving way. Fittingly, I had a couple of "dad" moments at the show.... "I wonder what this ceiling is made out of. hmmmm. looks like plaster with a foil on top- what do you think Alli?" "Wouldn't you love to be the guy who runs the lights for this show?"Well, wouldn't you? :)