Wednesday, July 29, 2009

FroCo VS. Boy: the epic battle for my love

I don't even like the title of this post. It was so much funnier in my head and looking at it now all I can think is "LAME, Rachel." Unfortunately, I don't care enough in this moment to think of something better so the title stands and says essentially what I want it to.

It says that sometimes I like frozen cokes better than I like boys.

It says than some days I lavish my affections on a frozen carbonated beverage because there don't seem to be any boys that deserve it.

It says that right now I'm ticked off at boys and that I wish a frozen coke would make it better.

It says that I'm tired of getting my hopes up that boys will act respectfully and care about someone other than themselves and be considerate about my feelings. I'd rather take my chances on a slurpee being runny- at least that still tastes good.

It says that a drink "so chill" can't let you down enough to hurt you or disappoint you like boys can.

It says that must mean you love boys more than FroCo's and that's why you are in such a mood.

Monday, July 20, 2009

heeeeeeee-lll-ooooooooooooo!

So recently these kids have been coming over that Kaitlyn and Joe tutored this past year. At first they were just coming for a sandwich now and again but now they have been coming more often and staying longer. We talk and let them use the computer and play spoons and last night we made dinner and Heather tries to teach us all how to say "Heeeeeeeeeee-lll-oooooooo!" :)

It was so so so so fun! They really took ownership of the whole project and made everything from the garlic bread to the lasagna to the cakes. It was harder for me than I thought it would be to let them do things instead of just "showing" them. They wanted to surprise Joe with the meal they had made and it was really cute to see how proud they were of the whole meal- they even folded the napkins special!

Tonight I was walking up to the soccer field by Moody to talk to Dave and Joscey for a little bit. I ran into the girls and they came to hang out with me. We had to leave after they were yelling names like "ugly" at the Peruvian National Soccer team coaches. (OK, girls... and you're done!) :) After grabbing some pizza and hot wings at Domino's we came back to the apartment to eat and play spoons. I asked the girls some questions hoping to dig deeper and get to know them better- like their proudest moment and their saddest moment and their most embarrassing moment. (OK, so maybe the last one was my lame excuse to share my own most embarrassing moment: Pooping my culottes at age 12 at a family reunion. As if the Raggedy Ann culottes were not enough!) Their honesty with me was an honor. We talked about death and if we feared it or not and why. One of the girls brought up a Bible lesson about all the things in Heaven and how she wanted to go there. I'm praying for opportunities to talk about this with the girls again. I'm sure they have heard the Gospel before, but it'd be great to keep bringing up truth with them.

I'm actually really excited about how this whole thing has come about. Since graduating I feel like it has been whirlwind to just settle down and get a bearing on my life and a routine. There have been hard times like when Grandpa died that left me weak and exhausted. Now I finally feel in a strong place by the grace of God. I have wanted to be involved in the community and yet the downtown area seem so daunting. I didn't want to go into a community like Cabrini having no connections and try to 'help'- Who am I? The Lord sending these kids over here for food and time has been an answer to prayer. It's cool to have built these relationships with the kids, even in a couple weeks that can continue to grow as they do.

Most of the "ministry" that I have done has been highly structured. CEF 5 Day clubs especially. I love CEF- they taught me how to make theology simple for kids, taught me the basics of how to share the Gospel. Now though, with that foundation I am learning to use it in a new way. An informal way. That is so much harder for some reason. When kids come to a 5 Day Club, they expect you to direct games and tell stories and sing songs and it's very natural to share about Jesus in that situation. It's a little more tricky when the kids (with hot sauce dripping from their fingers) are giving you "relationship advice" and also telling you about their brother who was killed. How do you LINK (For all those not in CEF: Little phrase In the lesson Naturally connecting Kids and truth) into a gospel truth in those moments? I'm not saying it's not possible, but surely it is. I'm just saying, I am learning how and consequently really abrupt at it. In fact, I really think if I could watch the whole thing on video I would laugh at my attempts to relate with them and smoothly bring up Jesus. How thankful I am that God is faithful and uses my stumbling attempts to communicate with these kids how awesome He is.

The past few days I have been feeling haunted by familiar sins and struggles. I have been weak and tired. It's strange what can happen to your logic when you are in any kind of pain. Somehow the right things don't seem nearly as realistic as the easy things. I've been running to "safe" lies; telling myself that even though they may not turn out so good, at least they don't surprise me. Tonight as I was hanging out with these girls I felt like the Lord was shouting "heeeeeeeeee-llll-ooooooooooo!" If I believe He is big enough and true enough and loving enough for these girls, why would I act otherwise in my own life? Why would I want to pollute my life with things I don't want to see in theirs? There was a weight of realizing how fragile my role in their life can be. If I want them to see Jesus, why would I let all this other stuff crowd in the way?

Heeeeeeeee-lllllllll-oooooooooooooo!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin' on the River

Today started off later than normal, but too early for a Saturday.
I spent the first part of the morning picking rocks and gum out of guys shoes for the Miracle League Tournament put on by GRIP. There were some new volunteers who were super nice. I respected the fact that they came from a local church and were trying to contribute within the community. I did feel conflicted though- as I was blinded by their diamond rings and could not keep up with their discussion of fashion and concerts and the like. They were not overdone, but it was just painfully obvious that their lives were much more glamorous than mine and it made me feel small. I still feel conflicted, but it does serve as a reminder to be careful how others perceive my appearance and not just be content with good intentions.

In the afternoon, Donald and I went out to WHEAT-IN to visit Andrew. Donald borrowed his roommate's van which was impressively clean for a man's vehicle. We went to Sweet Tomatoes... mmmm. Such a delicious place! Also, we went to see the proposal. It was much different this 2nd time watching it in between two men rather than a row full of cackling girls. Let me just say that the part where she dances around the fire is much funnier with boys. :)
On the way home, Donald tried in vain to find a gas station with a slurpee machine. We could have used some beverage too since we worked up quite a thirst singing the whole way. Proud Mary.... a definite crowd pleaser. To quote my favorite Helen 'Keller' movie, "But Sister, anyone could get proud Mary and hail Mary confused..."

Later in the day, I passed a billboard advertising a late night talk show with a woman who boasted having 'the sharpest tongue.' My first reaction was sarcastic disbelief... "Oh, yeah huh...? bring it!" But then it grew into a weird sense of sad conviction. Something about this woman's picture disgusted me. And simultaneously I identified with it. I identified with it because I can be pretty sassy and at times sharp. There are times, (especially with men) where I feel that it's necessary to prove that I can "hold my own"; "take care of myself"; "give it back"; etc. To some extent- that's good. I am glad that I can be independent and not rely on a man to give me all my opinions HOWEVER I never want to be that repulsive image on the billboard. The image that is too tough to be loved, to listen, to see the best in people, to support, to be hospitable, to be unselfish. Donald is such a gentleman and today it was super nice to feel like I could let my guard down, with nothing to prove and just be this idyllic "girl". Insert LaCrae song Identity here: Hair, check, shoes, check...CHECK. Hair and nails done, sparkle lotion on, slurpee seeking, riding in the passenger seat, singing Proud Mary and laughing my guts out. Instead of resenting his consideration for me, I relished it. I am really thankful to be a girl and am thankful when men affirm my role rather than expect me to compete with them. Good job Donald- you're my hero. ;)

Tonight I went to Navy Pier and watched the fireworks... I love fireworks! Especially the ones that look like sparkly weeping willow trees. There were so many people with their phones out, texting during the show. It seemed strange to me that such beauty could be just background noise for them. What could possibly be so much more attention grabbing? I know it's not a moral thing - fireworks are man made, but it just said alot that our culture was so easily bored. Sad. On the walk I saw a few things I want to go back and visit. Who knew there were so many art galleries down Illinois on the way to the Pier? There was a picture in one of the windows that was the mountains on a canvas and then a shelf with a truck on it. It was so small in comparison to those mountains and it gave you this sense of the epic in the everyday. Such a neat perspective to see the whole picture rather than just what we would see from the truck. Another was acrylic paint on a metal background. Such a cool look- to see the metal reflecting the light amidst the paint. Also, there is a beautiful restaurant that looks super expensive, but someday I'd like to visit: http://www.citechicago.com/ Cool right?

Friday, July 17, 2009

Just Sayin'

Today I sent out the roommate and housing information via email.

Tell me...
how would you feel if you found out your new roommate's email was catlover?
or how about Visitor of Earth?

Maybe that should be in a college prep book: "It may be helpful to change your email to something generic, yet unique like your name or initials. That way people don't get the wrong idea about you...or the right one."

I'm just sayin'

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Tiggy and the Smokey Mountains

One of my absolute favorite children's books is about Tiggy and the Big Wave. It was an audio book that my Mom and I used to listen to over and over and over again. Sadly I could not find it anywhere on the internet to post a picture-- anyone know this book or where I could find it?? I think might have been a whole series of Tiggy books actually. In every book little Tiggy was afraid and then she would do something brave things anyway. I really resonated with Tiggy when I was a kid... and I guess I still do now because I thought about her alot when I was in TN last week.

Last Tuesday at about the same time I was writing the Angry Eyebrows post, feeling totally overwhelmed with the annoying and conflicting emotions raging inside me. Leaving for TN felt heavy and if it hadn't been for such a spectacular cast of girls going, I probably would have backed out. I'm so glad I didn't though!

It was my first time to see the mountains. They are incredible! It doesn't matter how many words I could use or pictures I could take... it doesn't even do them justice. The thing I liked the most about them is how big they are and how small they made me feel. That probably sounds strange but I think the reason I was so angry was because I was thinking of myself as so big and responsible and trying to carry a weight far beyond my strength all the while growing resentful that it wasn't lighter. Standing in the midst of those mountains made me realize how truly small I am- Tiggy size small. I felt the straps of those weights and burdens and fears and jealousy snap as I the Lord reminded me that He was strong enough to carry all these and me too. What a comfort it is to feel small in the arms of someone strong and even better; in the arms of someone who is strong and good. I am so thankful that even the earth shows us the glory of our Creator. A glimpse of how big He is was just what I needed. Isn't it crazy that for so many years before people explored America these mountains were just sitting here? God made them because He could, because it brought Him glory. What a truly genius God we serve.

It was so interesting to me that in a place where there was so much natural beauty there was also so much noise. All along the strip in Pigeon Forge there were "Attractions." Go Karts and Putt Putt and Laser Tag and Dinner Shows and Dollywood and Seen on TV stores and Pancake Houses all with blinking lights and fluorescent signs. As if the mountains were not enough to attract people!

One day we hiked up Cade's Cove to a waterfall. I have never felt cooler in my life. :) NERD ALERT, I know! It was so fun to hike and sit by the waterfall and even take a (very chilly) dip in the water. We didn't see any bears, but there were warnings bout them being active on that particular trail. Another day we spent in Gatlinberg and took a ski lift up the mountain to an observation point. Usually I am super afraid of heights, but I loved my feet dangling over the trees (and I held on real tight). We cooked most of our food on the Coleman stove- except for the occasional trip to Chick-Fil-A or a gas station hot dog of course. Sarah made fires for us to roast marshmallows most nights. I love smelling like campfire. I haven't washed my sweatshirt yet because I just can't part with that smell. We read story books and took a ton of pictures too. Hannah and Sarah are great at the camera- they were trying all sorts of crazy fun stuff with sparklers and shutter speeds. The pictures are on Facebook if you wanna check them out.

One night as we were reading our bedtime story Sarah spotted a spider on the wall. Someone warned me to turn the fan off before I tried to smack it with a book, and I thought I did turn it off. Moments later as I tried the get the spider the fan blades made a eerie noise and the light flashed. Oops! From that point on our cabin light would only work some of the time-- like when the sliding door would slam. Then it kinda gave up and wouldn't come on at all. Better that way though- you can't be afraid of bugs you can't see.

The day before we left we played mini golf and maybe went shopping at the outlet mall too. maybe. hahahha. The course that had a mini-Taj Mahal... a bright pink one. Finally, pictures of me at the Taj! The shopping trip was priceless- there were a couple women in the dressing room that were very interested in what I was trying on. They were so cute and really flattering. I wish those ladies could come with me everywhere! It was so fun though to buy clothes a size smaller and to make a gutsy purchase at only 5% sales tax. Alli and the other girls persuaded me to buy this pink dress. It is so cute and I do really like it, but not the sort of thing I would ever believe I could "pull off" without good friends chanting approval. When I wear it out I'll try to remember to post a picture. :) It's pretty "cajun."

We had a good trip home- ran into some traffic, but we made the best of it. Singing Mariah, dancing to Beyonce, giggling at truckers, etc. Glad to be home and back with Kaits. But I do miss the mountains....

Monday, July 6, 2009

Tennessee is the Shit

***Read At Your Own Risk Disclaimer: If the title of this blog offends you, probably you will not like the rest of this post. I apologize for the crass word but there really is no other way to describe what I am about to (which you will see if you chose to continue reading).

Some of my very best friends and I spent Wednesday through Sunday in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee near Gatlinberg. While there, I felt like I was in a different world at times. For the first time I realized that Jeff Foxworthy wasn't really joking. I love different people and appreciate diversity, but some things you just gotta laugh at. Here's just a few of them:

"Shut it" just doesn't have the same ring to it here in Illinois. Our neighbors, Robin and Wanda had brought their grandkids with them camping. They had been to this particular campground 25+ years, since they were teenagers. Let me tell you, these women rocked the fanny packs and the leopard print cover ups! Sometimes you could hear them shouting at the children to "Shut it" or "Stop it" and it kinda cracked you up because it had absolutely no affect whatsoever!

Even if they didn't yell, I don't think that these children would be very compliant. One night they wanted to throw rocks and so that's just what they did-- they threw them at their Mamaws van, at the road, at the bath house and finally after a chorus of "Stop it"'s from Robin and Wanda; the trash can. So their poor friend Kenny who takes out it trash in the morning had to haul a bagful of rocks down to the dumpster. He was always trying to talk to us, but I had a rough time understanding what he was saying- like the one police officer from Hot Fuzz.

You gotta give these kids this though- hands down they are the most creative kids I have ever met. They made water balloons out of ziplocks with holes in them to take to the parade in case there was someone they didn't like they needed to throw it at. They collected small smooth rocks... for an aquarium bottom of course!

The best part was when "Earl" visited. I say "Earl" because I do not really know if that is his name... but for the sake of the length of the blog I figured it would be more convenient to call him "Earl" than "that one guy who wore a steel tipped boots and a CAT hat and a belt with a cheery knife and eagle design burned into it who drank his beer out of a Styrofoam cup and a pack of cigarettes in his t-shirt pocket." He was talking to Alli and I about the recession and referenced a company we were unfamiliar with. "You know..." he said,"they buy shit to blow up shit." Why didn't you say that in the first place Earl? Now we know exactly which one you're talking about! He let his 5 year old grandson sit on top of the roof of the mini-van while he listened to Taylor Swift and a few other WIVK 107.7 hits. Once Earl decided to take his beer with him to the public washroom(!), his grandson got a little bored (and yelled at by Wanda) and slid down the windshield and then jumped onto the porch of their cabin. The first time was so fun he did it again and ...again ... and again. When Papaw Earl came back from the washroom he accidentally spilled some beer on his grandson. " Papaw spilled beer on me...." Forgive the pun but the "grand-daddy" of them all was when Papaw Earl came to build us a fire. He wasn't real convinced that we knew how to make a fire- well, to be honest "we" didn't, but Sarah sure did. She took a wilderness survival class! Earl would not hear it though- he brought over the many empty beer boxes and put them on our logs- even brought some of his own logs and lit that baby as bright as Dollywood on the 4th of July. He didn't really know how to make a fire either it seemed- it took awhile for the logs to light, but he did get some pretty high flames going. The children were fascinated by this and wanted to help make the flames go higher, so periodically they would come over with a bunch of napkins and throw them in. After Robin and Wanda's cries to "Stop it" failed I decided to teach them about fire safety. Smokey the Bear also appeared at this point and we turned into cartoons. I tried to teach them about the amber parts of the fire and how hot they were- how great a place it was to roast marshmallows. I tried to tell them to throw the napkin on it and then step back. I tried to tell them to leave it alone in the fire once they put it in. This was not very satisfying to them at all. Finally they were called away to go see the parade. A couple nights later they made a fire, but didn't have any kindling. Resourceful as ever, the children ran into the ladies bathroom and brought some toilet paper out to put on the fire. That night there was only 1 stall left with TP in it.

Other miscellaneous moments:
When we first arrived at camp we overheard a conversation about being taken "back to jail"... oh shit!
We watched as a woman took her dog into the shower with her...no shit!
We saw a man go with his wife into the ladies bathroom and 10 minutes later emerge showered with her...are you shitting me?!
We also overheard a conversation when a man was talking about a show with black actors that was "not bad for black people." REALLY? So tired of this SHIT!
Did I mention that when Earl was helping us with the fire we saw the full moon also?... we did... If you give a shit.