I'm glad you're a man...

THE PREFACE
Last week a fight broke out at the end of SLAM because a kid who came from the west side flashed a gang sign at a kid from Cabrini who represents a rival gang and it erupted! Everybody’s cousin jumped in to “help.” Thankfully there were staff people outside and broke it up quickly. Anyway, in the middle of the action are 2 staff guys I really respect. As I was leaving, they were still holding kids back by their wrists. I left feeling so thankful that they were there and strong enough to handle all that. And all week through different things have been impressed to pray for men to rise up to be a part of ending this crisis of kids without dads. (anyway… that could be its own post and may be someday soon…)

So I wanted to send a email to the 2 of them in appreciation for being out there and in general all that they do at SLAM. But then because one of them (who shall be called "Manly Man" in this post) is this tall balding, hairy unmarried beast of a man, I couldn’t justify it. I didn’t want to be manipulative and try to do some ridiculous version of ‘Christian encouragement’ in an attempt to pick up a guy. (been there, done that) SO… I very maturely refused to send an email or facebook message (though I will admit I drafted several). Especially after all the thoughts I was having about needing men in this ministry though- it felt stupid to not encourage someone. I went back and forth…

THE DEED
Monday night comes and Manly Man and I pass each other in the hall. I resist for a moment, then turn back and this is what happened…

ME: Hey Manly Man! Actually I wanted to say something to you
HIM: Yeah… what’s up?
ME: I don’t know if you remember me.. I’m Rachel (pointing at my name tag!) and I go to Dave’s church
HIM: Oh yeah yeah yeah.. Rachel right, OK
ME: Well, I was thinking about the fight last week and I didn’t really see it except I was leaving at the end and saw you guys in the middle of it…(TOTALLY OUT OF BREATH because I am nervous and lost a natural rhythm so now it sounds breathy)
ME CONT’D: Maybe you will think this is cheesy (deep GASP for breath!) (Also I am needing to clear my throat but I can only hear my Dad’s voice in my head saying how unladylike that is so I continue breathy and gritty to the end. )
HIM: OK… (cocks head to side and makes interested yet apprehensive face)
ME: I was thinking a lot about what you did, being there on the frontlines and all and getting in the middle of it and I am just really glad that you are a man.
(Panicking because I realize this sounds dumb and obvious)
ME CONT’D: And by that I mean, a man of God...(Overwhelmed by my inability to recover, I turn red and start saying a lot more things I don’t remember)
HIM: Oh, well that’s not cheesy at all. I was kinda worried about what you were gonna say, but no, that’s encouraging! I humbly receive that. Thanks!
ME: oh yeah… anytime.(wanting to have an actual conversation, but not knowing where to go from that… I look at my feet and he walks away)

THE CONCLUSION OF THE MATTER
It is funny. It really really is, please feel free to laugh your head and your tail off. I have been! But it also made me feel so inept and ridiculous. He probably has a girlfriend, so in this instance it's probably not that big of a deal. But how embarrassing to not be able to form decent sentences. ah! The LORD knows my marriage will be a testimony to the world that miracles do happen! Also, I could pick apart my motives all day long, but somewhere in the midst of all that hormone was a genuine desire to appreciate his “man-ness.”(Which is what I was planning to say and so thankful the Lord did not allow it past my lips. :) CAN YOU IMAGINE?“ Hey Buddy, I’m real thankful for your man-ness!” haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Maybe I could have quoted John Eldredge while I was at it: Thanks for giving of your strength… Do you find me captivating? haha. Oh dear!)

FAIL! EPIC FAIL!

What's NOT to love?

AIR GUITAR - the competitors have names like Sweatmaster Animal, Rocktopus, Nordic Thunder and Romeo DanceCheetah. What's not to love?

AIR GUITAR- the style is eccentric. Spandex is the first layer and then pile on top any mixture of patterns. Leopard print, pink fishnets, jean jackets, American flags, t-shirts with kitties, loin cloths; even a scalloped collar that lights up... whatever excites you. My fave from last night: jeans, bare chest (even without hair. haha.), suspenders! and a blazer. Be sure not to forget the accessories which included a sequined purple headband and belt. YES! AND SO I ASK YOU... What's not to love?

AIR GUITAR-it is pretty athletic. Lots of jumping while doing the splits and sliding on your knees. This is not for wimps my friends! In round 2 last night, Rocktopus climbed the lighting scaffolding and hung backwards while playing his air guitar. Flexibility... also important... check! And it's not just the performers either- in the audience you really have to be agile. At any moment there could be a man jumping off stage expecting to surf through the crowd or a drunken audience member who elbows you in the head.What's not to love?

AIR GUITAR - The host of this shin-dig was Bjorn Turoque (vocalized: Born to Rock). He intrigued me and if I could have made friends with someone; I would have picked him. He's a young soul, but knows his place in it all since he's older. What's not to love?

The opening act was a KISS wannabe girl band- If you can imagine that, congratulations. If not, I have pictures. The stage was cleared and then to kick off the event they played the theme song to Perfect Strangers! Everyone was singing it together and I was going crazy with excitement. From that point, to the end when a wet man in a loin cloth named Nordic Thunder won the championship I laughed my head off. What great time! I've heard rumors about this guy next year who is supposed to be really good. He goes by "Don of Rock." (wink!)

AIR GUITAR - It is not exactly a family friendly environment. I'm not endorsing all (or even most) of the life choices these people are making. It's the same mentality as any rock and roll musician, just without the hookup to the amp. Sex, Beer, Rock and Roll... kinda sad when you realize that's all some on this circuit are living for. Maybe I could be a missionary to the air guitar champions... or their chaplain! I say this in jest, but it really caused me to think alot (because my name is Rachel Monfette and nothing can be simply entertaining)!

Is it wrong to be so entertained and amused by the absurd? Secretly, I envy how un-apologetically they put themselves out there, how invincible they seem. It's such a fun concept, such a hysterical recreation, but unfortunately everything that gets included with it is real trashy. The glamor and the fame of it is seductive; no doubt about that. "Be your own hero" it whispers and then gives you an outrageous name and outfit to hide behind.

So maybe in a different life (with different parents) I would have been a Bjorn Turoque. Maybe I would have found myself competing on the world champion stage in FINLAND. Probably you can't see it and that doesn't offend me. I know that "hardcore" is not the first word that springs to mind when you think of me. I don't even own any version of punk clothes! In my heart though, I admit that I am so attracted to living a dual life like that; one of which is completely without rules or consequences because it's NOT REAL! For this reason, I could not be more grateful to a God Who sets some boundaries and by His grace helps me not to cross them... even if it does mean never reaching my full potential as an air guitarist! :) Also so grateful for the sense of humor He gave me to enjoy stuff like this totally sober. :) What's not to love?