I don't really know how to explain it but I feel like I have been in a terrible, horrible, very bad mood for the last week and a half. Grrr. Usually you have a bad day or even two bad days and then it passes and you wipe your forehead a say, "Whew! Thank God that's over!" This mood however has just moved in it seems. Seriously, you'd think I had just made friends with 'enry 'iggins because I have been "jealous, exacting, tyrannical and a damn nuisance."
It's frustrating to know one thing in your head and then feel totally helpless to convince your heart. I cannot put my finger on why I cannot shake all these emotions that only cause destruction in my dearest relationships. It's like watching a horror film with no sound on. Sure the fear is totally legit if you are entrenched in that situation and you cannot see what's around the corner and all those creepy chords are playing in the background. But if you re watching the movie with no sound you just look dumb like you are over reacting. The scary soundtrack is silent in my head but blasting out the eardrums in my heart. Those conflicting viewpoints make me tired and quick to anger (mostly at myself, but I have had a few moments at work as well) and altogether wishing we could tun off this awful movie anyway. Where's Jack Bauer when you really need him ladies? :) Actually my roommate has been so patient with me and I super appreciate her wisdom and words of truth spoken into my life. If there was a 'become the next Jack Bauer contest' - Kaits would totally win. :)
This past weekend, I stuffed these emotions down deep- healthy I know! I needed a break from all the DRAMA and all the noise. I went to Grand Rapids and got to see such a big group of dear friends from every cross section of my life. Friday night and Saturday during the day I got to see Liz. I met her camp friends and stayed up super late talking at the lakefront under a shimmering blanket of stars. I got my first mosquito bites of the summer and did laundry with her too. Classic moment in our relationship. Saturday afternoon I went back to visit CYIA (Christian Youth in Action). I felt like the Cheers theme song should have been playing in the background- "...where everybody knows your name...." I saw Rosy for awhile and we talked some. It was the first time I really saw her as more than a little girl- somehow she has become this really deep woman.... fashionable one mind you, but nonetheless, a woman. Crazy! I got to spend a couple (literally) hours with Sara. We sat on her screened in porch, we also ate ice cream- we are really cool people. I spent the night at Amanda Ruth's- we also stayed up too late talking, but it was sooooo good to catch up. I was her first official guest to stay on the pull out sofa bed. SCORE! I packed an incredible amount visits and talking into that 34 hours I was in GR. Plus a really good time at Adam and Amy's wedding on Sunday in CHESTERTON, IN. woot!woot!
Tomorrow at 6:30am there will be a car full of ladies I love picking me up. We will be driving to TN and cabin-ing for a few days. Hopefully we will not get lice or fleas, both my Dad says cabins are known for--- hmmm. awesome. We will be swimming and enjoying hiking in nature. What a good time! We'll be back on Sunday night and hopefully by then all of that "hot and bothered"-ness will have worked it's way out of my system. hopefully.
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