Don't Panic...Eat Fresh!

Sometimes for lunch I go to Subway. Sometimes after lunch (for dessert) I go to Subway. I LOVE their cookies... they have the perfect goo to crunch ratio. The guys in there know me pretty well. They shout MEGA when I get to the end of the counter because they know that is the size fountain soda I'll be purchasing. It's unnerving on my most self conscious days.... but also endearing...

When I am there, I am always struck with the panic that seems to come over people when the worker behind the counter shouts, "Welcome to Subway, what would you like?"

These are professionals, business men and women that are accustomed to stressful situations and high volume work loads. However, they seem to come unglued when trying to order at Subway! Suddenly they stammer and their mind goes blank. They ask for one bread then change their mind to another.... "6 inch, no footlong; American and Pepperjack; that costs more? Did I say toasted?" It makes me want to work at Subway just to be entertained by everyone's high strung antics. Reminds me of Brian Regan's commentary on Doughnut Day- maybe that's why I noticed it. Though I feel like if you did work at Subway you would only be able to laugh about this phenom with other Subway workers (and possibly freaks like myself who are shockingly observant as well). Can you imagine coming home every night with a punch line about tomatoes and mayo? I don't think anyone would appreciate that.... not many anyway, not many.

It's funny, but also kinda pathetic that we can be fragile enough to be sent over the edge by lunch. Though I have never lived through any slower paced period of the past, I am enjoying being a part of the fictional version found within Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry. (Ironically I have so enjoyed this world that I have read through it at lightening speed).

The land and our relationship to it is a theme throughout his writing. That's the thing that has struck me most while reading this book. My love for Jewish things and the Old Testament may have created a consciousness about "the land" in a spiritual sense; a theological significance even of ownership, cultivation and rest. What I have been struck by is much more physical than all that though, yet that still intertwines with the spiritual in its way.

Berry's knowledge and description of the purpose and satisfaction found in farming has been convicting to me (particularly in regards to our relationship with food as a society). When I want to eat, I just go to Subway or grab something at the grocery store. There is no toil, no patience, no connection to where that food came from or responsibility to your body and community. It has become a fact of life that misses the rhythm of seasons entirely (except that this time of the year is the only one when candy corn is readily available!)

I certainly am not qualified in any way to speak to this subject- I have been avoiding seeing movies like "Food, Inc." and reading books like "In Defense of Food" because of how trendy this topic is right now. Somehow though I stumbled into it anyway and now have such an unsettled feeling about the way we consume. Who knew that the invention of tractors to ease the burden could have created a whole new one? And really am I getting out there on the land to till the soil and grow my own everything? What have our central meeting places and common life patterns deteriorated to?

There are things we can gain from going faster and farther on this earth. Lately, I've just been forced to consider the sacrifice that comes along with that "freedom" as well. Maybe if we're not careful it becomes more of a slavery...Sometimes I think it's hard to know which is which.

In my small life, I cannot restructure the economic trends; but maybe there are small ways to recover pieces of what we have lost. Maybe that's why I like sitting on my front porch so much...

Joy Comes In the Morning

Physically this long labor day weekend was relaxing. I didn't DO anything demanding... And the things I did do were all totally enjoyable.

On Friday I had people over for games and ka-bobs. (My first attempt ever at making ka-bobs and it was pretty much a success. If I could do it over though I would marinade the meat first. A good trick to remember for next time.) It was such a fun time to laugh and chill together. My fave telephone pictionary phrase gone wrong was Rob's "She's buying a stairway to heaven." Somewhere between Kaitlyn and Nikki the angels in heaven transformed into butterflies.... hahahha.

Saturday the girls running club was located on the lakefront which was as fun as running can get. Lanier was my running partner and she is delightful... though I don't know how well either of us did at motivation that morning. :) I took a NAP! Then I started a new book called Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry. HE IS PHENOMENAL! And is probably now my 2nd fave author; 1st in my heart will always be Chaim Potok! I used to say that I didn't like fiction books, but I am coming to realize that it is more accurate to say that I only like a certain kind of fiction book. No offense to Janette, but A Gown of Spanish Lace just doesn't do it for me anymore.

On Sunday I made cosmic brownies and ate the batter while watching the Goonies. Everyone I know loves it and was appalled that I had not seen it. I tried to like it, but I don't think I really "got" it. Maybe it is one of those things you can only appreciate in it's nostalgia from your own childhood. Admittedly though, the truffle shuffle made me laugh out loud.

Monday it was glorious to sleep in until 8:30am! (Who am I right now??? How did I ever sleep till 11am before?) I quietly read on the porch for awhile and then went to Jolanda's house for BBQ. She is an incredible host- so generous. There were ribs and potato salad and baked beans and corn on the cob and chicken and hot dogs and all was delicious! She said that she is the "Big Momma" of the family and the church and her block. I'm so thankful to be a part of her family. Also I went to the Garfield Park Conservatory for awhile. I journaled in the outdoor garden and enjoyed the cool breeze and blew bubbles. :) Don't judge me, I love bubbles! That night I was on the porch for over 2 hours... I had intended to read, but then all the craziness was going on and I found myself distracted by prayer instead.

All those details to say that I should have been rested and energized and ready for such a short week ahead, but sadly that wasn't quite the case. I was troubled and couldn't get my mind to slow down. I was anxious and worried and disappointed and fearful and angry. I had all these expectations for my day off (as if I was never to have a holiday again) and instead of enjoying it; I found myself restless to figure out what to do with myself. I was wrestling with the Lord to have peace about things that are beyond my control and understanding. I was grieving not being able to call my Grandpa on his birthday. I was needy and lonely and sensitive. The whole weekend felt like a night when you are so unbelievably tired but cannot find sleep.

The story of Jonah popped into my head when I was at the park and I read it over. God was good to convict me about how the story ends. With a plant generously provided to be a covering that shrivels and how strong Jonah responds to that. He throws a fit of entitlement out of ignorance which was much the same of what I had been doing all weekend. I'm also thankful for a good conversation with Joscey later at the BBQ and the assurance I have of her prayers on behalf of my wounded heart. The body of Christ is pretty cool like that.

Tuesday (you know, the day I had to go back to work) was such a blessing though- and nothing to dread really at all. My roommate gave me a ride to work in the morning. A totally unexpected surprise! At lunch, I heard a beautiful engagement story from this weekend. Totally an encouragement to hear how they have both walked this road so faithfully looking to Jesus! At the end of the day, Kaitlyn came by and we chatted for awhile then went swimming together. It was so much fun and I loved laughing with her and confessing some of my silliest and most profound thoughts from the weekend! I bought a coloring book on the way home- a beautiful adult one from Paper Source. I sat on the front porch eating dinner and reading. Then I colored while listening to the entirety of "Behold the Lamb." I got into bed as the last song played at 9:10pm and went to sleep overjoyed at the GOSPEL!!

Once I heard Steve Arterburn say how glad he was when he realized that not only were the things in the Bible true, but that what was true in life was in the Bible. The weight of relief from experiencing that firsthand was heavy on me last night. There really is no man's affirmation or best friend's listening ear or chocolate delight that can satisfy me in the deepest parts. It is only Jesus Who can meet me there in that brokenness. He can SEE me and UNDERSTAND me and HEAL me- all the things I am so desperately longing for and restless about. Though He may be a Spirit, He somehow in reality touches us. What a mystery! I don't know why I always am doubting this truth...and subsequently needing to re-experience it. Glory to Jesus that He is all our Hope and Peace!

I am so grateful to be free of the many things that were tangling me up this weekend. I felt a joy this morning and a rest that was so refreshing to my soul (even if it was not on my day off). This morning on the way across the plaza to my office, I passed a sprinkler with a pathetic drizzle on the lawn. I noticed a little robin playfully standing under the spray that was gentle enough for it and I laughed out loud. It looked right at me as if it knew the reason I was laughing and disapproved. I am after all the girl who was blowing bubbles in the park this weekend! hahaha
Also, 10 Million bonus points to me for beginning this post with the word "Physically." :)

INTERNATIONAL SENSATION

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More than a block party

Things on my block have been insane tonight. I'll spare you the details (for my Mom's sake), but it was a crazy place for a couple of hours. I had intended to read, which I did a bit of, but then couldn't helped but be sucked in by all that was going on around me.

It's not a movie, it's not a game- this is real and sobering and found myself crying out to the LORD on behalf of this place. I felt helpless to do anything more than that and I am trusting that our all-wise, all-powerful God is at work on this block.

BRING YOUR FREEDOM & PEACE LORD JESUS!
Remember my block in your prayers please... we need Jesus here.

Lost and Found

Most of the things I lose are not really a big deal. In fact sometimes I even forget that I had them to begin with and it's more like getting something new if I find them. On a few occasions I have lost something precious.

The Metal Momma I made in high school. My vanity compelled me to enter it in an art show I wasn't attending and the art teacher,Pastor Joe's nuttiness compelled him to lose it. I worked so hard on that piece and my Mom loved it so much and I grieve every now and then that it is gone.

A bone ring from Kenya. I gave it to a boy I thought I would love forever and every now and then I grieve that the boy and the ring are not in my life.

A boldly striped sweater. I looked pretty awesome in that sweater, but it got stolen in the laundry room at college. It probably wasn't intentional, but sometimes when I don't know what to wear I grieve that sweet little number is not around.

My balance. When I was 8.... hahaha just kidding. (For all those who don't know why that is funny- I remember everything from my childhood at age 8 for some reason. It was a really significant year apparently!) I was younger than that though when I fell down the steps at my grandparents house. I tumbled (a little less impressively than MacGyver) and broke my arm. To this day my Uncle Ted teases me if I have found my balance yet.

My Michigan license. It was a significant day when I got a Illinois license. (And not just because they print your weight on the front-ick! A man had to have thought of that)I miss saying that I belong in Pure Michigan. Maybe it wasn't my 16 year old self photo that I was so attached to, just my status as being from somewhere where everyone knew my name.... like Cheers... wow! I am so unbelievably full of cliches today.

Anyway, I started thinking about this idea of things lost because last week I lost my silver ring I bought in India. It wasn't expensive, but it was ultra symbolic of the Lord's incredible hand of protection and provision during those 6 weeks and also a replacement in a way of the ring I mentioned above. Admittedly I cried over this little guy and I dug through the women's locker room trash and I prayed about it. At the pool, I gave myself 50 versions of the same pep talk about God's promises remaining despite the physical evidence being lost. When I got back to my office, it was gleaming on the floor in front of my closet. My heart did this funny kind of flip flop and I literally shouted outloud for joy. My thanksgiving was deeply genuine and I may have included a little hop too.

This week I was also reading in Luke the parables about the coin and the lamb and the son that were lost, then found. (Flashback to a Sunday school lesson series with these stories illustrated completely in shades blue and white.) It was an encouragement to imagine the joy there is being found in Christ, especially if finding such a small trinket could cause such a stirring.

I am so grateful that IN HIM I am found and known and loved and forgiven- ETERNALLY!

Convocation of Baklava

Tuesday was convocation at Moody Bible Institute. I have been to many convocation's here before- 13 actually. There is something about them that never gets old though, something timeless. Seeing professors that you love marching down the center aisles in their regalia, hearing the rousing organ tune, the crowd singing “Great is Thy Faithfulness”; it all feels like magic to me.

Magic is difficult to capture in words… It’s not fairies or “abracadabra!” It is this mingling of the richness of the past and the freshness of the new year. It is the converging of learned professors and ambitious freshman. It is the jumble of emotion that comes with your first day of classes and your last first day of classes. It is the hope growing in every person that this year will hold something new, that they will be changed for the better. It is being surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses…and keeping your eyes on the prize set before you.

Anyway, maybe that seems dramatic coming from someone so young- it’s not like I have been here for 20 years or anything. I can’t help it though- I am enamored by this place! More than that, I am indebted to the many places around this campus where the Lord’s work has transformed and stirred me in my deepest part.

Every building, every dorm room, every classroom, every plaza bench could probably tell an amazing story or two of how God has been faithful. Maybe that’s the true magic of it. We are not just a part of a beautiful story or singing a pretty song, but we are caught up in the realness of a God Who has proven Himself over and over and over again. It’s the layers of God’s faithfulness here that I savor… kinda like baklava. :)

Blogless August

I have not been blogging lately because frankly my brain feels like it will explode at most points throughout the day and that kind of pressure really crowds out creative ambition.

I've never felt like a grown up as much as the last week at work- staying an extra 6 hours because literally I have to in order to be prepared instead of staying an extra 6 minutes to rewrite a color coded to do list for the next day. :) So thankful that the end of this crazy season is nearing it's end. (I leave that last sentence as further proof of my mental state at present... you know what I was trying to say!)

Kinda pathetic, but these are the highlights as of late:
1. I called someone and said "Residence Life, this is Rachel" as if I was answering the phone.
2. I put down the phone and was sure I had a conversation but had no idea what was said since I was "multi-tasking."
3. I almost got on the Orange line to Midway instead of my train home at the end of the day.
4. I ran a mile unprovoked to zen out.
5. I literally could not remember which set of keys was for home and which was for work.

Although, God is so gracious and provided such reminders of His rest and grace too.
1. Like a ride home, getting lost and laughing about it with my coworker at 10:30 at night.
2. Like reading Anne of Green Gables in it's entirety- some on the front porch, some more on my window seat.
3. Like playing banannagrams.
4. Like eating dinner and cosmic brownies on my window seat with a friend.
5. Like meeting "Jesse" in the park yesterday after running and getting asked for my number & told I "is a real good lookin woman" while sweaty.
These priceless things are truly such gifts from above!

The Mamas and the Papas (not the 70's music group, but the freshman parents with a fragmented reference to a song in the beginning of Fiddler on the Roof) continue to call with crazy pants questions. Sometimes they are such a bright spot in my day- such eagerness. I really do mean it when I say that! I remember that feeling and even now it comes over me sometimes- to think of this place you are being swept up into... this story...these people that God has been using throughout the last 150 years.

You should all buy Andrew Peterson's new CD. It's rockin awesome and I essentially listen to it 4 times a day. :) It is so good- so full of the life of the Gospel. Track 9 is my fave....

There are dishes in the sink that I should do... boo! I hate being a grown up. hahaha. not really, only grown ups can have as big a bed as me! It's huge... and finally the frame is put together!

Take this post for what it's worth and I will try to put something insightful out soon. :)