Here's the thing...

When I came to college I packed in 6 rubbermaids and 2 suitcases. Each rubbermaid was marked with a number that corresponded to the same number list of the container contents. Granted I brought alot of the wrong things and looked like a transfer student in January when I came back to school, but the point is- I like order. And I like my life to be in order as much as my stuff. It is such a relief to know who you are and how you fit with those around you; to know where the lines are; to know what's black and what's white.

In my world without grey, I simultaneously believe that the earth is round... and that this ground is flat... OK, maybe that's a dumb example- I'll try again. I simultaneously believe that losing weight requires hard work and discipline... and A slurpee is a good way to relax after a long day at work... At first glance they don't seem related at all (and usually they don't go through my head one after the other like this anyway), but drink enough slurpees and suddenly they are very related.

It's like juggling, the trick is to keep every handkerchief moving and unaware of the others. You are mesmerized by the color and speed and pyrotechnics of the whole experience (well, there could be pyrotechnics!) Though it is complex and requires precision, juggling is much easier than the alternative.

The alternative is like making salad dressing. (Yes, you can thank me later for these killer analogies. haha) The vinegar and the oil are constantly separating and then you have to shake them back up to be of any use to your salad. It's tiring and annoying. Wouldn't it just be easier to make a dressing that stays mixed?! Sometimes my world (like the dressing) gets shook up. Suddenly all my simultaneously held beliefs are colliding. I see evil and it looks fun. I see hate and it seems noble. I see good and it looks brutal. I see hope and it looks disappointing. Or even not so extreme, I see two good choices and it is hard to pick one.

Last week I was browsing though Borders (looking at kids books, checking for any Chiam Potok books I do not already own, you know... the usual). Somehow I ended up in the religion section and found myself wondering if any of these had a better answer to this conundrum. You can {GASP!} if you like, but I don't think I am the only one who has ever been there. I am grateful to report that I walked away (tall) from any books with juggling strategies.

HERE'S THE THING: I simultaneously believe that I do not understand or at times even like this reality... and that nothing would taste better on a pecan crusted chicken and pear salad with goat cheese...

This entry is cute, but the realness of these collisions has brought me to tears on more than one occasion in the last month. And I have no solution- only that I have found comfort in the nearness of God and His people. Psalm 73 is one I have been reading alot. (Check out the link to a video by ALERT. It's real cool.)