Split Infinity

Does anyone know this movie? It's a Christian Homeschooler classic where this girl who is self focused goes back in time only to find out what it means to be part of a family and the joy there is in giving back to others. Inspiring! :) OK, I mock a little.... you gotta love the part when the teacher keeps calling her a "brazen hussie" because she went to school in the 1940's wearing long underwear and an oversize sweater. hahahahhahaha. "Hussie..... Brazen Hussie!" Made by the same people who brought you "The Buttercream Gang." Anyway, I thought of this because I feel like a split personality today. Maybe I need a visit to "Future World" to straighten some things out!

In the past few years I have grown so much in thinking about things in a more integrated way. Watching the movie "Crash" rocked my world. Characters who are good, do bad things and; characters who are bad, do good things- what?? Reality is revolutionary! :) I feel like a split personality because I am back to thinking so black and white today. I'm sure there is a good reason why that's happening today-maybe my inability to control the stench in the apartment is coming out in my need to understand and control something else. hahahahha. Probably not, but something like that.

Last night I helped with this event for the female students at Moody. It was a night of pampering- manicures, facials, massages. It was such a great idea to have a time for the girls to relax since this time in the semester can get so overwhelming. I was at the massage station and not planning to stay for the speaker. The topic was "Love, Sex and Dating" and the Lord knows I have heard PLENTY of those in my lifetime. When it came time for the pampering to end and the message to begin, there was still a line of girls a mile long for a massage. So I stayed for the speaker and gave massages to the girls still waiting while she was speaking. I was cool with giving the massages, but grumpy about having to endure another woman telling us to be content and not give into sexual temptation. It's not that I am above temptation- but I can't even get a guy to ask me out on a date- I think my chastity is pretty safe for now! Anyway, the woman who spoke was totally different than I was expecting. She was funny and bold and honest and cool. She told her story about the Lord's faithfulness to her and consequently how she met her husband of only 6 months. Basically she made a vow of singleness for 7 years- until she was 27! Then in year 6 God brought a man into her life and they just got married in November and their first kiss was on their wedding day. It was different than the usual purity rally because her point was not, "I did this and then I got a man like I wanted all along." Instead it was more like, "Look at how God brought me through to where I am now." It was refreshing and I found myself so thankful for this story the Lord had given her; a powerful testimony of waiting on God that she can now use to share with teens and college students all around Chicago.

OK, here's the thing though... the cynic in me is crying: "OF COURSE she met him in year 6!" It is the 'perfect ending.' Obviously the Lord was orchestrating this thing perfectly because she got married at the end, right? If the story was ".... my 7 year vow ended and I am single- still waiting on the Lord," do you think it would be so popular? Probably not. Because we all wanna be her- imagine ourselves in her place... the fuel to our waiting is that in the end..... Prince Charming shows up.

This woman was in no way disillusioned- she even mentioned that it was a possibility that it would just be her and the Lord. She had wrestled and come to terms with that; so I am not saying she was feeding us with fanciful stories- she was for real. Her story was outstanding and I would not dare diminish how great it is that God showed up in provision for her at just the right moment. That is a story of God's faithfulness. It is unique and Spirit led. It ought to be told and celebrated.

But the dark twin in me is afraid of celebrating that. Why? Because I don't have a story like that? Well, I'm totally sure that's part of it. My own selfishness and impatience rising to the surface rearing their ugly heads. However, there's something else to it that goes beyond my self righteous pity. It bothers me that when we hear stories like that, we expect that things will turn out for us like that. I wonder, is that really good? Is it really good to fill your head with stories (even true ones) where there's a bride and groom on a white horse riding off into the sunset at the end? God is still the same generous, faithful God before she was married as after. And had she not met this guy- God would have continued to provide for her. It just doesn't feel like a complete story without some kind of climax. "And then I got married!" It's like the Children of Israel in the desert eating Manna. What a miracle that God provided that bread every day for them! But that's not what we talk about- we talk about that one time he struck the rock and water came gushing out. And I'm not saying that's bad------ it's a glorious miracle, but is it more glorious than the manna miracle they saw every day? Maybe this sounds like a bitter single girl, but I hope not. That's not how I feel. I just feel conflicted.

Sometimes it seems like the church is a little to black and white on this issue and needs a visit to "future world"themselves. It seems to me that in celebrating marriage we inadvertently sacrifice the value of being single. And I would say that vice versa is also true. Usually when singleness is celebrated it ends up sounding like the nicest feminist rally ever. Why do we have to celebrate one or the other? Can't they both be great? If I can steal from Brian Reagan for a minute---- "Grape or Cherry... Both favorite..." Speaking from my own experience, it would sure be great to have some women role models who are single. To hear from them how they deal with making decisions on their own, what their role is in their church, how they view their authority structure, how they deal with loneliness, what they do about their sexuality. Instead what I usually get is, "Don't worry- you'll meet someone." "The one is out there- he'll come along soon." I appreciate the effort, but is that the best we can come up with? That unfortunately that is so unhelpful. I'm concerned that we take these success stories of true love waited for and found; and then turn it into the script of our lives. We set ourselves up in a holding pattern waiting for something to happen based on a promise we have never received from the Lord- only the well meant assurances of older married women who don't know what else to tell us. And I don't claim to know exactly where that line is. I am single, but I may not be forever. I hope to get married someday- that's natural. It's a good gift from the Lord that should be desired. But it shouldn't be desired to bring "inspiration and meaning to your life" like the Chicago song puts it, you know? It doesn't dimish your effectiveness for the kingdom or undercut your beauty/character to be single. It shouldn't.

Ministry to singles in the church seems to revolve around getting us involved in childcare, talking about sexual purity and introducing us to other singles. Maybe the church thinks that singleness threatens the "focus on the family." Maybe in this age of child protection policy, we don't know what to do with a single man who wants to volunteer with the children's ministry. Maybe it's an issue moreso with women- what do we do with a woman who is strong, independent and opinionated; instead of one that is exhausted and chasing children around? Whatever the hold up- We need to figure it out! There's alot of singles in churches all across America right now who are missing out on living their life now because they are hung up waiting for this mysterious "One" to arrive. There's alot of singles all across America right now who are missing out on rich relationships with people in the church because they are only ever directed to meet other singles who think liek them. There's alot of singles in churches across America right now who think they are not as valuable as other married couples their age. That's not OK. Example: This is totally a personal soapbox, but showers........ seriously?? Who invented those things? I get that it helps to share the financial burden of filling a new home with stuff, but you only get one if you get married. Apparently, only couples want to eat off of nice dishes. Apparently, only couples have the privilege of matching towels. Apparently, only couples can be celebrated moving into a new phase of life.

I don't want dishes- PLEASE don't hear me saying that! What I would really love is for people to think of my life as legit without having to convince them of that. What I would really love is not to be pitied. What I would really love is to be treated like I am complete. Dating, Love, Marriage, Sex- all huge topics with people my age. It's the stage of life and I know I have alot to learn on all of these. However, if you can't tell-- I am real passionate about this singleness issue. I want girls to know that God is writing their story........... not necessarily their love story though and definitely not just their love story. I want to see single women telling their stories of God's faithfulness too. Let's celebrate the diversity of our marital status, not just the color of our skin or the difference in our age. Single or Married-- We are all necessary members of ONE BODY.

Specifically for women. We train our girls that they are princess' from an early age. And I'm cool with that-I love the princess stories. We have a ton of literature on the princess waiting for the prince storyline, but what about the princess' relationship with the King? That relationship endures whether a prince comes along or not. Just a thought.