Grimace

Definition of Grimace:

1.) a facial expression usually of disgust, disapproval, or pain

2.) A large purple character that hangs out with Ronald McDonald


I thought of this word today because that’s how my face has been contorted all day. My back is freaking out in pain. Normally this would not be blog worthy- except that I just went to the chiropractor for the first time and let me tell you, THAT…. is the very definition of blog-worthy my friends.

The chiropractor is bizarre. After checking my range of motion and taking a couple X-rays he took me into this other room. He body slams my hip a few times and everything cracks. For a little guy he is quite powerful- WWF could be his calling. He tells me to roll over to the other side- can I just say that there is nothing more embarrassing in the world than trying to roll over on a doctor's table with excruciating hip pain while the doctor is watching? Nothing. While I am lying face down on the table, he begins putting 6 of these electrode things on my back. "Hey" he says, "Do you like the Detroit Red Wings?" I pull my head up from the table slightly dazed and say something about how it was cool when they won the championship. hahahhahaha. The championship- you know.... that one they won back when I was in HIGH SCHOOL! Maybe they won since then, but really... I have no idea. A whirring starts and then the electrodes on my back start twitching muscles. He leaves it on for about 5-10 minutes and then comes back in to remove the electrodes.

He says I have a birth defect - that my tailbone goes a different way than most people's. Of course it does! This slight defect leaves me prone to such kind of inflammation and injury. Inflammation caused by activities like bhangra dancing. :)

So my back is a bit relieved now- not totally better, but at least manageable. Guess I gotta turn in my dancing shoes for awhile...and I should probably brush up on my Red Wings trivia before the next visit!

1590

What is this number you might ask...

The number of times you said Pazcki today?
The number of times Tom Fisch almost hit a pedestrian on the way to the bakery?
The number of Paczkis consumed in IL today?
The number of times your shoulders went up/down in Bhangra?
The number of laps you did in the pool?
The number of pages in your new journal?
If you thought any of these were right.... you are WRONG! (especially if you thought the pool one!)

Despite waking up at the horrid time of 5:30am, Paczki day was pretty great. My roommate was graciously quiet this morning- she has the patience of a saint with me. Tom Fisch drove a group of us to a Polish bakery at Milwaukee and Lawndale. We waited in line behind all the sweet Polish grandmas to get our assortment of custard, raspberry, rose, blueberry, and even PRUNE paczkis. I took 2 dozen to the office. That was pretty great... I know it seems silly, but little things like that are milestones that I pause to celebrate. Today I am an adult- who brought ethnically educating snacks for her co-workers to enjoy. Pretty cool when I put it like that right? hahahahaha. I got rid of all 2 dozen 700 calorie treats... and probably could have passed out more, but you gotta start small. Maybe next year we could have an institute wide holiday so everyone can go celebrate this sugar feast...I'm just saying...maybe.

In the way of other milestones- I graduated from Bhangra 1 tonight. It has been such a fun class to take - sometimes scary and other times hysterical. The choices for continuing on with bhangra are: 1. retake bhangra 1 OR 2. take bhangra 1 rep
What to do, what to do? I could "spice it up" and switch dance genres all together and take tap but I don't know if I am ready for that yet. soon though.... soon!

1590 is actually the number of emails I sent out today............ BLANK EMAILS!
I was trying to do a mail merge and hit a wrong button and before you could say "fish oil" my sent messages went from 3 to 1593. There was nothing I could do to stop it either- just watched them scrolling across my screen- I tried clicking every "x" there was... nothing could stop it. Fortunately, I have a very kind boss who could find humor in the situation. And I could not stop laughing at the hundred or so responses from students I have received to date. Mostly they said things like: "what?" "who are you?" "hahahahaha" "???????" but then there were the serious ones... (it's ok if you are one!) "What is the significance of this email?" "Is there a message that I need to be aware of?" "I'm sorry to bother you, but could you explain the message you sent?" Every time my inbox filled up with inquisitive student emails I was burst out laughing. So forget all that stuff about adulthood milestones... and please disregard any blank emails from me in the future- there is no hidden meaning in them! REALLY!

Other things to note:
* I burned myself in the eye with a curling iron yesterday and have a scar like a hickey in my eyebrow to show for it. lame!
* I had my final frozen coke...... for awhile at least. I am giving the frozen deliciousness up for lent. The slurpee straw is taking a break. Hopefully 7-11 will stay afloat without my business.
* Last night I said genuinely for the first time in my life, "I broke a nail!" It was such a sad moment.

Eve of something GREAT

Today I think I almost got arrested.... well, I made up in my head that I almost got arrested anyway. I was at Barnes & Noble picking out a new journal- this was my third trip to a journal selling store, but I had not seen anything that I liked enough to buy. People underestimate what a big undertaking it is to choose a new journal. You have to choose a journal that will see you through whatever uncertain joys or pains lie ahead the next few months. A journal that you will not grow tired of pulling out of your bag at a moments notice. A journal that looks enough like you to be familiar. A journal that looks enough unlike you to leave room for growth. That may seem like a whole lot of over thought about a bunch of pieces of paper bound together but I hope that you are at least picking up on the immensity of this decision now. The store clerks kept walking past me and saying things I couldn't quite understand- like code and stuff. I was sure that they were observing my behavior in the journal aisle and putting the word out to keep an eye on me. See I have this method of picking out a journal- you put all the ones you like on a shelf and then start evaluating them: lines vs. no lines, hardcover vs. softcover, pretty design vs. funny design, leather vs. material, etc. It's kind of like a journal beauty pageant... you keep eliminating ones until you are left with THE "Miss America" journal. Well, I was stuck on the last two- red softcover or multi-color hard cover..... both had lines.... both were in the same price range... both would be able to endure the next few month of abuse in my purse... but I could only choose one! Grrrrrr. I chose the multi-color one and then breezed around the store a few more times- wouldn't want to pay for the journal only to change my mind. Admitedly, the whole time I was thinking in my head how that made me look even more suspicious and delighting in what a dangerous life I was living. hahahaha. I KNOW! hahahahhaa. Well, I bought the journal and as I walked out heard one clerk tell the other how they had discovered the missing bathroom key.... so maybe they didn't have the police on speed dial for me after all.
From Barnes & Noble I headed to Jewel to pick up a few choice items.... score! BOGO Bacon- "Can life get better? I submit that it cannot!" OK...so there were a few impulse buys- what can I say? :) When I checked out I had a twenty, a one and a little bit of change left over from the journal purchase. I was watching the total add up and was thinking that I wasn't gonna have enough cash... but the bacon....! The total came to $21.52. I was incredulous... I was going to have to charge 52 cents- really?! I reached into my pocket to count the change I had- would you believe I had EXACTLY 52 cents!!!?!!! I have never been more satisfied with a purchse in my life. unexpected exact change. This further convinced me that I had made the right choice in regards to the journal.... a couple pennies difference and the story would not be nearly as epic. (As epic as a story about journals and BOGO bacon can be I guess) A couple pennies difference and I would not have this crazy sense of excitement for all the stuff that will fill this cheery little journal.

Also, the title has nothing to do with the fact that it is in fact the eve of paczki day... ;) I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!! (even though I have to leave here at 6am. boo!)

Wordles Matter

Confession: I found this while surfing through strangers blogs. Well, it paid off at least. :)

Visit http://www.wordle.net/
You can type your own text or use a web address- Wordle will filter and scramble the text into a collage. Example: Wordle of my blog

You can change the formats and colors of them too.
Try it! You'll love it.

Shamila! Shamila!

Last night was Bhangra!!!!!!! The last couple of weeks I have been hesitant to go. It is so fun, but I seem to get a burst of laziness every Tuesday night. :) It is increasingly hard work.
Here's a video of my teacher, Shamila (center in blue) and a couple choice students. She makes it looks so easy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8q0u0anqIs

Alli and I were having a giggle attack after class last night (ok, so maybe we were laughing in class too) about the whole thing. You're on beat the whole time and then you make one wrong move right as the teacher looks over at you... then your the idiot with smelly feet who can't keep up. AWESOME! It's really great too when you are watching the instructor so closely and you feel like you are doing what she is doing but then you look at that giant mirrior in front of you and discover----- O no, you're not even close!

By the end of the class we were so exhausted and Shamila says- anyone wanna do drops? (Drops are these really cool looking moves where you DROP from a standing position to a squatting position and bounce there in time with the music before you push yourself up to a standing position in time with the music.) Ummmmmmmm. Yeah - see here's the thing though Shamila- we would love to do some drops - it's just that we're about to drop dead! Anyway, for whatever reason I said "OK" to doing them- still working on that mouth filter- it's always saying things it shouldn't! hahaha.

Even though I was really tired and drank the largest bottle of water 7-11 could sell me and it took me a little longer than usual to get up the stairs to my apartment and I laid on the floor for an hour unable to move----- I loved it and had that great totally spent feeling. I thoguht to myself- "Why don't I always do this?" My body, in a very twisted way, really DOES like exercise!

Next week is my last class and I am undecided as to whether I want to take the next level or try a different one. I have always wanted to learn to tap dance so I was thinking about trying that instead, but last night was so fun! If you have any input I'd love to hear it.

PS- I'm hoping someone is catching the Corrina! Corrina! reference from the title.

Shazaam!

Things to say when someone gives you amazing news:
Wow! (Variations include Wowie, Wowzers, etc)
That's great!
Awesome!
Wahoooo!
That's so exciting!
Hooray!
Hurrah!
Holy Guacamole!
Golly Wolly!
Shazaam! (Credit to the Boss for this one!)

I wish I could have recalled ANY of these on Wednesday when I talked to my Mom....
It had been a few days since I talked to the old gal, so I called her on my lunch break. I started in with my usual regalia of stories..... "so then I talked about pot pie" and "then I was dancing left and everyone else was dancing right".... She waited till I finished to drop this candied bomb.
My Mom is by no means a downer, but these are not typical words out of her mouth nonetheless. So when she said, "Rachel, We have good news for you." I was imagining that they found another Barry Manilow record for me at a resale shop or they just bought a frozen coke machine for our basement or they were given a fountain for our pond or the hairiest young-ish single man EVER just started attending their church.... you know, something like that. :)
I was not prepared for her next sentence to be, "Our house is completely paid off."
Because I was unprepared, my response to this amazing news was only "WHAT?!"

It has always been a big deal to my Grandpa that our house be paid off. So with the insurance money my Grandma got back after his death she chose to use a portion of it to pay off our mortgage. 10 years left to pay....... gone, free and clear! Just like that. So an enormous thank you to Gramps many long hours at the Stroh's brewery and to Gran for her incredible generosity.
Even moreso though a monstrous thank you to the Lord for His provision- it is so wonderfully bizarre.

Especially at this time with such a broken economy, it would seem reasonable to pray that you could pay your bills- keep your head above water- stay afloat. It would really seem utterly ridiculous to even ask for a chunk of money huge enough to pay off your house. It speaks volumes to me that God chose this time and not a moment earlier to give this gift to my family. No wisdom of mans(not even if Larry Burkett was the man), no careful scrimping on my parents part could have paid this debt -- truly this is something only God could do. And just in case He hasn't given us reason enough to trust Him.... He has proven Himself once again to be more than enough. You think it can't be done? Watch this! :)

A couple weeks ago I wrote a post listing all the things that sucked about life right now and how hard it sometimes is. This money doesn't change the fact that life is hard and sometimes sucks. I don't think God does great things expecting that we will be put in our place, feeling sorry that we ever experienced the weight of sadness or weariness. Instead I think He does great things expecting that in the midst of crap, we will stand with arms raised to the sky blessing His name for being there LORD over it all, for being with us and for giving us hope to carry on. I said at the end of that same blog that I was trusting that my God was big enough to hear and handle all these pains and doubts. And this just proves it to me once again.... He's got me.

One thing I forgot to include in that "theme song blog" was how I had been walking all over that night looking for chocolate chips to make cookies- seriously I went to 3 stores before I finally found some. It was like a holy craving keeping me outside though until it was dark and the moon was just starting to rise. It was full and bright and hovering just next to the steeple of Holy Name Cathedral. The Lord and I have had a thing about the moon since Kenya- it has become the Lord's way of reminding me of my smallness and His awesomeness; of my need to trust Him and His ability to show off His beauty with even the darkest backdrop. That night, in those moments as I stood staring at the presence of the moon the Lord was assuring me that He had me "in the hollow of His hand." Do you know this song?
Safe am I, safe am I in the hollow of His hand
Sheltered O'er, Sheltered O'er with His love forevermore
No ill can harm me; no foe alarm me
For He keeps both day and night
Safe am I, safe am I in the hollow of His hollow of His hand.

It makes my soul well up with praise at the incomparable wisdom and kindness of our God- His timing is truly PERFECT. I can't even imagine what a feeling of relief my parents are experiencing right now with the weight of that payment lifted. No theme song played, but I have been reminded once again that there is no hero but the Lord and on Him alone I wait. What a blessing to have one more standing stone to point to and remember how God really can do anything!

So add WHAT?! to the list- it's totally legit....
even though it's definitely not as cool sounding as
SHAZAAM! :)

Stupid Cupid

The title of this blog probably gives off the feel that I am jaded and angry about my singleness.... that I am desperate and pathetic... that I hate valentine day and think it was created to make my life miserable. In fact though, I don't feel that way at all! I just think it sounds funny and remember a song about it from somewhere (I think Mandy Moore sings it).
Actually this Valentine Day was a best.

In the morning Kaitlyn and I had a breakfast of my grandma's "Rigotta." (It's a mixture of ricotta cheese and egg, fried) I am sure that it didn't do grandma justice, but it was good. It gave us the energy we needed to keep up with the 8 little girls that came over a little later that morning. We laughed alot and they screamed alot. :) The activities consisted of games, making cards, decorating cookies, a hilarious skit put on by the girls (WE'RE GOING TO HOLLYWOOD!), storytime and painting nails/doing hair of course. The amount of sprinkles left on our carpet was incredible... So thankful for a roommate who is cool with these kind of endeavors! Also, I had no idea how many chicken nuggets a child can consume. It's pretty incredible. The girls had alot of fun though and so did I. It's pretty great that you can do something as simple as paint a girls nails and you are their heroine you know? I'm really thankful that I get to see these girls at church and hopefully be a big sis in their life. They are all so creative and kind and funny and incredibly stylish for little girls!

That night I took the Metra out to Wheaton or somewhere near there. I decided that it was warm enough for flip-flops.... I not exactly sure what I was thinking. Maybe I had temporary brain damage from the screaming. :) I just made the train which is a helpful little talent that is rubbing off on me from my roommate. Confession: There was a professor and 2 of his students who were having the most interesting conversation about art and poetry and I eavesdropped the entire train ride... not very covertly either I might add. Rayanna, Stindall and Liz picked me up and we headed to Sweet Tomatoes for dinner. That place is delicious.... so delicious. We sat there for about 4 hours and talked, ate food, played the question game, ate more food, played I have never, ate more food. Mostly veggies though- so we felt pretty good about that.

We went back to Rayanna's house and played Heart Throb. She had found it at a Salvation Army for $1. The front of the box read: For all girls who like boys. I love that kind of criteria. You had to choose out of 3 "heart throbs" from the 80's who you would marry or date or go to prom with or something like that and then guess who your friends would choose. And we very maturely chose fake names for ourselves like "Late for Dinner"and "Helga."

You would not believe how addictive this game is.........

I loved it when we would all collectively shout "Really? What?!" at someone's choice. At the end of the game we chose our best and worst from the stack of hunks. Here's my best- I think his name is Joey... I would love the total goofball! It was priceless though- one of the most hysterical nights with those girls. And on the way home we heard a new favorite All American Rejects song. Good times.

A Funny Thing Happened On My Way Back From Solheim....

So today I had this important meeting on Crowell 9. (If you're not from Moody, that's the president's floor). Since the meeting was at 12N. and I was supposed to be swimming with my friend Amy at 11am, I (probably redundantly) told her that I needed to be back- RIGHT AT 12!

Well, I had some troubles with that. My hairdryer broke- overheated and decided that it was done for the day so my hair was a bit wet. I tried to put eye make-up on with my face while it was damp and it stuck together in the creases of my eyelid. (Note to self: NEVER use the word "creases" again.... ick!) I dropped lotion on my shirt making a kind of spot that would not be removed, but at least I sparkled and smelled like a 'supermodel'. I was wearing my ID when I left the Solheim Center, but it was between 2 layers of shirt so I almost got busted for not displaying it in "the zone." Then as I was crossing the street I rolled my left ankle; writhing in pain I pulled my face from the pavement while 3 people passed me avoiding eye contact. awesome! I limped all the way back to campus. On the way to my office at approximately 11:53am I grabbed a chicken salad sandwich, chips and a bottle of water. I stop at my office and pick up the folder with the handouts for the meeting and run a brush through my wet hair.

11:59am I am waiting for the elevator with 5-6 other people going to the meeting.... that turned into 6-8 plus a man with a heart condition who needed to alleviate his guilty conscience by explaining to us that is why he wasn't taking the stairs to floor 3. We all crammed onto the elevator since the other one was broke and rode up.... 3 ding! (man with big heart exists, awkward joke about claustrophobia) 4 ding! (quote from Elf....) 5,6,7,8,9.... I am the first one off the elevator and have no idea which way to go because have never been up to the 9th floor conference room. I "graciously" let someone else walk in front of me. Following them pretty closely- bag of chips, chicken salad sandwich, bottle of water, and file full of papers all in hand.

I walk in to the most incredible conference room I have ever seen and see Boss sitting at the head of the table and a bunch of others scattered throughout. Instantly I am in dilemma.... where do sit? Do I belong at the head of this massively important table? But, my other option would be to sit next to.......hahahha! My bag of chips feels like millstone around my wrist and I am considering dropping off the papers and running back to my humble office with the ugliest fake floral arrangement you can imagine. Boss motions for me to sit next to him... sigh of relief. I limp to the chair. Everyone has these leather chairs on wheels and I am so excited to sit in one. Maybe Dr. Easley sat in mine! (hahahahahaha) I sit down and the chair leans back so far I lose my balance and nearly fall on the floor. Oopsies! Poor Boss. You can take a girl out of the country....

After that the meeting went fine.... it was just getting there that was the problem you know?

Where's my theme music?

Everyone loves a good underdog story.... Cinderella, Rocky, Little Giants. It seems like in all of those there is an obstacle that needs to be overcome that will require them to train like crazy and give 101% of themselves to the task at hand. Just when they are about to start all this intense training- a song comes on.... an song that is inspiring enough to give you hope that you too could rise to the same challenge; if you wanted to get off the sofa and put down your bag of popcorn of course. Most of the time I am too enamored by the epic-ness of it all to care if that's really how it works in real life. I love the tragically beautiful and the bittersweetness of life's twists and turns and the glory that can only be accomplished in the end through trials and pain. It all has become romanticized in my head because I realize the pain is necessary but would rather skip over it as quick as possible. Sadly I've bought into this underdog movie thinking that when I hit obstacles in my life the perfect song will play and in 90-120 seconds I will reap the rewards of "all" of that tireless labor.

When I was little, I used to run these little skits in my room... one of my favorites at the end of grade school was me captured and thrown in jail for being a Christian in Tibet. I would sit on my knees with my hands invisibly tied behind my back and say the most noble things about Jesus. The "guard" was so convicted at seeing my faith in spite of my circumstances that he became a Christian, fell in love with me and helped me escape to the mountains where we lived happily ever after. (Applause, Applause) Now, I'm not saying that's bad- my frame of mind was truly that God could do that and if I should find myself in that situation He would for His glory and it would be a bonus that the guard would look just like Alex Braden.

When I was a teenager, Martin and Gracia Burnham were captured. I prayed in faith so hard that they would be released, followed the story via the news and waited. In my head the theme music was playing and soon we would all be able to celebrate and look back on how tough things had been but now that they were over we would be able to say that it was worth it all. And then there was the news report that Gracia had been rescued but Martin had been fatally shot. I sobbed when I heard that...

In real life, no theme music plays. We don't get to rush through pain and grief and struggles just because we know that someday all will be made right. We actually have to climb that mountain, experience that hunger, cry those tears, run that extra mile, etc. And tonight I tasted that a bit and I can tell you (though you probably have already guessed) that IT SUCKS! It sucks that my grandma misses my grandpa so much she doesn't know what to do without him! It sucks that we all miss him so much and have so many things to tell him, but we can't! It sucks that my Mom's body is totally abused from the work that she does, but she can't quit because we need to pay the bills! It sucks that my Dad has so many skills and can't find a permanent job! It sucks that we don't have financial security- because it doesn't exist at all! It sucks that a man from my church spent the day after his wife died all alone. It sucks that I cannot make any of this better. It sucks that I am so far away from my family and that I feel guilty that my life is relatively smooth right now. I wish I could let my Mom take my job that pays alot more money and doesn't require you to break your back. I wish she could enjoy the time alone that I schedule into my calendar instead of having to rush around. I wish my Dad could have as great a boss as me. I wish I could give my grandma the million distractions that I have in this city. But I can't do any of that.

The heaviness of that kind of absence of theme music is weighing on me tonight. Don't get me wrong, I am not questioning my faith or anything. Just like I posted a few days ago- God has shown Himself to be more than faithful, He has only proved Himself to me again and again and again and so I would be a fool to think He would not continue to do the same. I still am totally enamored with the idea that such pain can bring about deep beauty; that such agony gives birth to incomparable richness; that this light affliction for a moment works us a far more exceeding weight of glory (2 Corinthians 4). Like the death of Ronnie Bowers and how God used it to spark a modern missionary revival or how the death of Jim Elliot and company with the continued witness of the Gospel to the Auca tribe and how God used that to be such a powerful picture of forgiveness. So don't hear me wrong- I believe all of that fiercely- if I didn't I think I would've quit already. In fact, I am even more drawn to God- even more grateful for His promises in these moments I not only know, but am experiencing that He's got me. I am just overwhelmingly aware of my need for perseverance and to accept the process that it is to grow.

Maybe this seems depressing, but I don't think so. I am believing that even though it is crushing my heart tonight, my God is big enough to handle this much pain and loneliness and misunderstanding and anger and confusion and impatience and sadness.

In that, I hope... In Him, I hope.

Outsiders and Observations

Most of the time it is a bummer to be 'the outsider.' Like when everyone is laughing at a joke you don't get and you are not quick enough on your feet to pretend that you do get it... Bummer. Or when a bunch of your friends are riding in the car singing at the top of their lungs, but you don't know any of the words... Bummer. Or when your pastor is using this analogy from a really common movie that 'everyone' has seen, but you... Bummer. Tonight though I felt like an outsider in a totally different way and it was not a... Bummer.

I went to a worship night/concert of Christy Nockels (Formerly known as Watermark, but for logistical reasons of singing at women's events they changed the name and her husband is totally content with just being in the band and-------- she talked about this for far far FAR too long tonight... hahaha!) Amazing Grace was one of the last songs we sang- well everyone else sang. I was engaged with what was going on but instead of singing I was soaking up a room full of students and friends with hands raised in worship proclaiming "My chains are gone, I've been set free; My God, My Savior has ransomed me..." I got lost in the beauty of it all- thinking of my own story of being set free from sins chains and wondering how amazing it would be to know the stories of those all around the room. I was picturing the broken chains in a heap on the floor and all of us standing on top of them. Something meant to be so strong- rendered absolutely powerless. I love that! Even though I am not a student at Moody anymore, I am still there everyday and have an avid interest in life there. It excites me to see students with abandon for Christ and beyond that- members of the body of Christ with abandon. In that moment of worship with arms raised there is no complaining about piles of homework or ungrateful cynicism being hurled around.... all of that is stripped away and we look like we ought to.... humble servants, overwhelmed with truth of grace, desperately seeking to in some (seemingly inconsequential way) show our profound gratitude to the One Who paid it all. So I loved watching that tonight as an "outsider"- outside of myself and that moment only, it caused me to sing - "Oh Praise the One Who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!"
This is the church... this is the body of Christ...

Strange things seen and heard on the streets of Chicago lately:
* If anyone knows a Dorothy missing a personalized Christmas ornament... let her know it was seen at Chicago and LaSalle after the snow melted. Poor Dorothy- she never did get to enjoy her season's greetings!
* On my way to work I saw a pair of women's dress pants on the sidewalk.... some poor commuter was going to be surprised when she got to work. They weren't my size... I checked. hahhaa. just kidding!
* A grandmother was very concerned that her grandchildren were allowed to eat noodles and mashed potatoes in the same meal... O mercy!
* If anyone is following this mystery- Michael's has reopened- their revocation was revoked apparently! hmmmmmmmm.
* Two guys in their late twenties, early thirties were discussing the merit of South Park and Family Guy based on the fact that the shows frequently quote from Shakespeare. And I wonder why I can't find a man out there!

If only my mind had an off switch!

If my brain had an off switch I would be very grateful.... probably you would be too after reading this post.

Over lunch, I had this brilliant idea- I thought it was brilliant anyway to recycle my Founder's Week 2009 program into a lasting memory!

TRADING CARDS....

Here is the collection:

Charles Dryer

Alister Begg

Michael Easley

Jerry Jenkins

Crawford Loritts

Erwin Lutzer

I also included one collector's editon "Cindy Easley" in mint condition (see below)

Jibberish

The other day I just started writing down random "S" words- mostly becasue I was vainly checking out my handwriting. I had alot of thoughts swirling and this is how it ended up after playing with it a while. It is significant and I get it, but I won't be offended if you don't. :)
It's not meant to be read like traditional poetry- kinda had a jazz beat in my head while I was coming up with it.... so maybe some snapping would bring clarity.... It's worth a try anyway. Would welcome your feedback either way.


Strength and sweetness stolen
sassy silence skillfully strings silvery souvenirs
serenades surrender to savory seclusion
I am skipping, swooning, sulking – shredded
Simply scarred by this skinny certainty
Seriously scared of this shallow security
I am sleepy, sickly, smartly- solid
Softly He seduces my surrender
I am stripped, shaken, silly- stunned
Slyly shattered cisterns spring
Symphonies of significance swell
Sugared sparks and solemn strokes
Supply cement and soon I am
Sorted

Tears in Heaven

Those who know me could classify me as a 90's music junkie... and as I was trying to think of a clever, yet not overdone title for tonight's blog; this song kept racing through my mind.
The title seemed appropriate because I've been crying alot this week- not always because I am sad- in fact mostly for just the opposite reason. Hilarity has not necessarily been the source of my tears, though today I laughed so hard I almost cried when my boss and I were inventing reasons Michael's Restaurant may have had their license revoked. I've been crying alot in the last week because I have been -as most Baptists would put it- touched. (If a picture of Della Reese and Roma Downey walking down a road with a dove hovering nearby just popped into your head- know that you are not alone...)

Seriously though, I feel like I imagine it would feel after your first dance recital- you put in tons of effort and experimenting to perfect the steps, you pay close attention to the smallest details and then you're on.... time to show a watching audience what all that practice has accomplished.

In the past 4 years my family has seen some rough times- mostly financial after my Dad's job of over 25 years was eliminated. That kind of world rocking unearthed more than its share of hidden emotional baggage in the process. How can I take care of my school bill with the limited resources that I have? Who is going to take care of me?I cannot express how many times my school bill was due and the Lord would come through. I could never necessarily predict how God was going to provide, and yet I came to trust that He is my Provider.

As a graduate of Moody Bible Institute I can remember many late nights trying to write a paper, but a crisis of faith driving me to my journal instead. Who is God and is He good? Does he really love me? Who am I and what is my purpose? How can I be sure of any of my rehearsed answers? On my futon by the orange glow of my hanging lamp and in the shadow of the John Hancock out my window, somehow mysteriously the Lord grew my confidence in his supremacy. By finding myself at the end of my logic and wit and organizational skills over and over again, I came to say with Peter, "Lord, to who else would we go? You have the words of eternal life."

Themes of pain and sacrifice, hope and courage, eternal perspective and raw brokenness seemed to surface in my mind and heart continually. I hated being that girl always tormented by something. Appreciating the beauty in the most tragic situations, I thought it was just my personality. I am convinced this week more than ever that these experiences and many more have been planned out my the One who breathed life into me body and soul. That these lessons have not been a randomly selected list of ways my life could shape up, but that instead they have been orchestrated to produce the most profound reflection of Jesus. The way He has turned my world upside down could not be mistaken for any kind of driven-ness or discipline of my own- it is all from Him.

Right before my grandpa died a couple months ago I told the Lord, "I cannot do this unless I know you are with me." Unless I knew that His hand would uphold me and that His strength would be available and that His grace would be sufficient and that His arm would be reality- I couldn't walk through such a dark time. But every paid school bill and every flip through my journal gave me confidence that God is Who He said He is and He will do what He has promised.

I've cried all this week like a baby because every speaker at Moody Founder's Week seems to know that He has done for me what He promised. They have reminded me that when I needed rest-He has taken care of that. When I have needed courage- He has handled that too. When I have felt entitled to more than what I have- He has driven me to deeper truth and satisfied me at new wells.

This is the real thing... I'm on life's stage dancing my heart out and yet it is only on God that the spotlight need fall. This is what He has accomplished- this is the work that He has done- these are the details He has arranged- this is Who He is... my life is just one slightly uncoordinated weepy proof of all of that.


Other things of note about today:
* Phil Vischer- creator of Veggie Tales stood outside my office
* I had Mac and Cheese for dinner made for me by my good neighbor Adam
* My right sock sprung a hole in the big toe :(