Shhhhhhhhh!

The other morning on my way to work I waited for the brown line for 15-20 minutes…When it finally arrived I boarded the train just as grumpy and annoyed as the hundreds of people waiting on the platform (I may be exaggerating about the brevity of the crowd).

The four ladies from my neighborhood behind me didn't seem to mind the delay because they had things to talk about. They talked about their business loud enough so that the whole train car could hear and not have any doubt about what these women thought about it all.

Landlord- useless
Knee pain- unbearable
Children- lazy as ever

They sat in a cluster on the outside seats, turned into a huddle in the aisle. There were some choice words peppering their commentary as well.

Sitting on the inside of one of the seats was a little thing, all of 30 and perfectly manicured. Cutting through the ladies chatter, she whipped her head around and brought her extended index finger to her pursed lips. “Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” For a moment, the whole car was stunned and waited to see what would happen next.

Loud Ladies: “Excuuuuuuse me! I am not your child!”
Brazen Blondie: “You’re so loud! and you’re swearing.”
Loud Ladies: “You aint never heard swearing before? I’m not at your church!” (lots of mocking and laughing between group)
Brazen Blondie:(Looks around desperately for someone to support her assertion, but everyone is wearing their ‘city face’ pretending nothing is happening)  “Well, you’re not going to get very far in life swearing and being so loud!”
Loud Ladies: “Excuuuuse me! If you don’t want to hear what I’ve gotta say you can just close your ears!”
Brazen Blondie: (shakes head defiantly, points both index fingers and inserted them to her ears)

Woah! It was like a front row seat at a theatre. I did pretty well at keeping a straight face on the train, but as soon as I exited I laughed my head off the entire 2 blocks to work. It’s a comic tragedy of sorts though really. These were real women who treated each other this way in real life on their average commute (this part I did not exaggerate at all). 

Sure, I get annoyed when people are talking loudly on the train. Sure, I hate it when people play their music at an inconsiderately high volume. Sure, it’d be great if everybody kept their language PG. Sure, I’d rather not hear about people’s portfolios or sex life or health problems. But Blondie, it’s public mass transit! You can’t isolate yourself from everybody else or their business on it! 

It makes me sick to think that this woman decided whether these ladies would be successful in life based on nothing more than conduct on the el one morning. These women were more than 20 years her senior and probably could have given her a much more severe life lesson in that moment. That assumption about their ability to be successful in life influenced the way she treated these ladies- as children who could learn from her sterling example, rather than as women who have weathered a hell of a lot more life than her.

I know this scene has caused me to pause since and think about my own assumptions. Daily, I so desperately need the Lord to transform my mind about what it means to be valuable, successful, beautiful even.  In this country, in this city and in my own heart our heart attitudes that can produce such ugliness need to be examined. Our words have the power to bring life or death…let’s choose them wisely.

Glimpse

Here's a little glimpse into what one friend has coined, my "rich inner world":

1. SPLAT! I killed a gnat buzzing around my face with my bare hands.
2. I narrated the experience (or I was talking trash to the dead gnat): "And that's why they call me fast hands Monfette!"
3. Laughed outloud at my big achievement and wondered who really calls me "Fast Hands Monfette"

Is YOU My Boo Thang?

Usually I get an education on Sundays, but this last week it was phenomenal. Raven and Mika went grocery shopping and made bananna bread with me. They taught me what a "boo thang" is and it's my favorite word this week.  Love this girls and all they educate me about... :)

My Purse

Lately my purse has been an unruly jungle of receipts and coupons; straw wrappers and sticky notes to the point I could not even find my lip gloss! It probably did not help that there were 2 books, a brush, a cell phone, a wallet and a pair of dirty socks in there taking up space in there also.

I cleaned out my purse the other night, but left the dirty socks in there. They’re bright pink, from my Mom’s sock drawer which is a collection of socks the rest of us are too self-conscious to wear. They’re dirty from going bowling while at home a couple weeks back.

I had such a fantastic time at home! I slept and played games, went bowling and to the movies, painted pumpkins and star gazed, watched fireworks and drank a lot of frozen cokes. :) It was just the balm to my body and soul that I needed. I wish Chicago and home could be closer to each other.

Coming back to Chicago, I am very much more rested and in general in a more sane place. Coming back to Chicago, I am also feeling vulnerable.I had hoped that Memphis could undo the burdens of the inner city, but it wasn’t quite that powerful. I am so small and insignificant here. While I know there are those who care about me here, everyone seems to have to rush on to the next something. Emotionally and spiritually I need someone to sit with me awhile and be persistent. I know that’s a bit needy…but whatever mess is being worked out in my heart and mind is taking its dear, sweet time and I can’t seem to help that.

Baby, baby, baby, oooooooo!

 All I can say is.... there's gonna be one less lonely girl!

In case you can't make it out, it's a toothbrush that plays

2 of the Biebs best tunes....

Ridiculous Information

This somehow made it on my list of things to share and yet it doesn’t really fit with anything else/is not really important at all. Since it is on the list though, it MUST be shared.

I just wanted to say that I signed up for the free month of HuluPlus with a .edu email so that I could watch the finale of Masterchef because they bogus-ly did not release that to the public. So then I watched a bunch of old Pysch episodes too. It turned out to be such a bonus though because I was able to watch the premiere of “New Girl” and “Parenthood” a week early. Huzzah!

The end. (I am embarrassed that this post exists.)

High School hair and other things I am learning about growing up

It’s hard to believe but most of the junior highers have become freshman now! How and when did that happen? Even though we had talked about it all summer, the transformation seemed to happen in a weeks time and take me by surprise.

The Wednesday after Labor Day all the girls came looking about 10 years older with beautiful new weaves and styles. The girls seemed to indicate it was a rite of passage of sorts- they now have “high school hair.”  (In my head at one point, I may have imagined us all in old world clothing standing around a Sabbath table singing Sunrise, Sunset- thankfully just in my head!)

They seem to be adjusting well though. I’m proud of them for jumping in to a new place with boldness. I know that there are even more voices now vying for their attention and I pray God’s protection over their hearts and minds. Sometimes I forget how much is coming with them to Bible Study- a full day of the world’s pressures and lies; a whole weeks worth of observing violence and trying to stand up for themselves.  It really is a miracle and gift that their hearts are tender and open to God’s Word by His Spirit.

High school is the hardest time because you are young enough to think that your decisions don’t matter that much- “you’re just a kid!” In reality though, those high school years are so formative in terms of the direction you go for the future. I had a little heart to heart with the girls about that last week…I probably sounded like a Mom to them, but I hope regardless of how relevant they thought I was or wasn’t, that they saw how much I love them.

Truly, I cannot explain what a love I have in my heart for these girls and for the Westside of Chicago. It is supernatural and I think this might be my mission field for a while.   

Introducing….

My new upstairs neighbors:
Malissa, Nate, Elliot and Aldyn (plus Nelson)

They moved here from Arizona because Malissa received a scholarship at UIC to do doctoral studies in urban planning. Hopefully they will be around a while because I pretty much love them already. (When Nate quoted Arrested Development it sealed the deal!)

Malissa and I have gone for coffee and studying at the Knock Box a couple times. We like to eat and play games together like Monopoly Deal. It’s fun to hear the pitter patter of feet upstairs (especially in the morning when I need motivation to get up). Sometimes I play “Guess the Sound” with other things that go bump on the floor. I love to have conversations about urban ministry and their life experiences. They are pretty involved at their church even though they are new. Malissa gets to wear a stellar orange vest because she is the parking attendant! Elliot and Aldyn are totally creative and fun kids. I love hearing about their day or overhearing them playing in the backyard. They have a cute dog named Nelson who had a stroke so his tongue hangs out one side of his mouth- it’s pretty endearing. We also had 2 ‘adorable’ brown mice living in the building, but they have recently moved on. Bottom line, I’m so thankful that they are my new “roommates”.

My new roommate, Judith:

The Lord provided Judith from what I thought was a magical land because I had never heard of it before. She was born in the Faroe Islands (owned by Denmark) and cam to the states for college. She graduated from John Brown University this year and did an internship this summer in Chicago. After so much anxiety about who I would find to replace Aubrey on short notice, she moved in on September 1st and left me totally humbled at God’s providing hand. She is clean and likes to play games and loves pumpernickel bread and has great style and a cool boyfriend, Josh. She and Josh introduced me to 2 new games- Blockus and Sequence. I am no good at either… yet! So excited to get to know her more in the coming months. God is good to me- all the time!

A Man in a Mexican Wrestling Mask Walks Into a Game Stop…

 

It reads just like the beginning a fantastic joke, but at the time it was so not funny. Jodecai and Zyleke went to Game Stop in Cicero last week so they could exchange some games for a new one. I had never even been to Game Stop so I was already getting quite an education about how these sorts of things work.

A man walks by the window. With a  Mexican wrestling mask on…

I pause and ponder how strange that is.

The same man walks back by the window and into the store- still wearing his mask.

I inch toward the door motioning for the boys to come with me because my imagination has gone into overdrive about this man robbing the store, holding us hostage and my Mom hearing about it all on the evening news. The boys are too absorbed in their game selection to notice my subtle movement.

The employees tell the man that in order to shop there he has to take off the mask.

The man grunts and growls and aggressively shakes a shelf of games.

I walk back toward the boys envisioning myself heroically shielding them from bullets with my body….

The man walks out of Game Works.

Me and the boys go to Taco Bell.

Overheard

1. A sweet 19 year old Moody male student in the plaza:
“My grandma is a blessing to me!”

2. A confused and mentally disturbed man on the el at 7am:
”Oh shit! I’m on the pink line? I got on the girly line? Oh Shit! How did I get on the girly line? I can’t believe I’m riding the pink girly line! Shit!”

3. Yakira in the van on the way to Bible Study:
”Rachel treats us like we are her own kids.”

4. The neighbor girl (8 years old) on the back porch through my bedroom window:  “Insert the words of a praise and worship song she was making up without knowing anyone was listening” (This is BY FAR the sweetest way to wake up on a week day!)

5. Zyleke at his baptism on Sunday:
“I know that when I mess up Jesus is always with me and will forgive me.”

6. A Moody Student headed to her dorm room:
“Going to watch Korean Dramas… I am obsessed and have to find out what happened.”

7. A text from my neighbor after telling her I would bring the pot (of Chili) upstairs for dinner:
“Bring the chili too, we might get the munchies!”

8. Me (a bit to loud) to a friend in a public area at work recounting the story of unexpectedly saying goodbye late at night to a friend moving out of state:
“I wish I was wearing more clothes right now.”

A-U-B-R-E-Y .C. M-A-R-T-I-N

Aubrey was pretty much the greatest roommate I ever had (don’t tell my other roommates I said that though). She decided to move back to California though in August. I’ve never been to the LA area but I imagine the weather and views to be a bit more appealing than Chicago, so I guess I can’t blame her too much.

Top 5 fave things done with Aubrey C. Martin:

1. Sit on the floor on opposite sides of the kitchen and laugh, then cry about life.

2. Going to see Glee the Concert in 3D. Better than renting the Justin Bieber documentary only because of the cool glasses you can keep.

3. Sitting on the front porch reading.

4. Getting our oil changed at Quick Oil.

5. Eating pizza we ordered (ALWAYS a good idea!)

By far one of Aubrey’s greatest contributions to my life is teaching my how to use itunes. If you could have seen me grasping the concept of playlists and podcasts, you may have confused me with a 60 year old woman. I asked her questions like: “It’s really free?” “You don’t have to have an ipod to use it?” “Then where do you click?” “Are you sure it’s free?” “Why should I load my music to itunes if I already have it on CD?” “It’s free right?” hahahaha. It was one of those things I knew about for a long time but was too embarrassed to say I had no idea what to do with it, so now I know.

Aubrey’s patience paid off however and now I am an avid itunes user. I have made a playlist of songs about God’s love to go along with this season in life. I have plans to make as many playlists as possible for ordinary things (workout playlist, washing dishes playlist, blogging playlist, brushing my teeth playlist, doing my laundry playlist, cooking playlist- you get the idea). Also, I listened to a podcast about how you can sweat colors- it’s an actual medical phenomenon.See how important this addition is to my life?!

I’m thankful for all our times together, Aubrey– I will miss you most when I’m watching guilty pleasure television. Many blessings on your new job at camp!

Mid-afternoon Train to Memphis

It’s been awhile since I’ve been home. More importantly it’s been awhile since I’ve been out of the city. In time, too much concrete can make your soul weary…

In the past 2 months I have felt wearier (if that’s a word) than even college all nighters and the days thereafter.  Mentally and physically the hours at work were demanding. Emotionally I was over invested in my new role at work and in the pain of girls in Bible study. I was anxious over finding a new roommate and there was violence on my block. Spiritually, I felt conflicted about what it means to be loved by God and wrestled with if I had enough courage to believe the truth. There’s a lot more that could be said with all these, but suffice it to say…I am in need of a renewal of sorts. And I’m hoping to find it in the next 6 days at home.

It’s so glorious to sit on the train and watch the city fade and the endless fields come into view. The colors are just beginning to change on the trees, so there are these surprising bursts of red scattered across the landscape. Every single tree seems like a grace from Heaven… so thankful for these good and perfect gifts from the Father.

A list

Also, for those of you kind enough to check this blog even though I haven't updated it over the summer- please know it is not for want of material that I have been blog-less recently.

Be assured I have a list and will use my ample time on the amtrak Wednesday to fill you in on all the details. :) I don't want to spoil anything but the list may include a shopping trip where I terrorized the sales lady regarding percentage of polyester in pants...and the junior highers going to high school...and a man singing opera on the bus at 9pm (there's not really anything more to that story actually)...and so much more. :)

Squeeze

Do not be alarmed by the title of this post! This is not the embarrassing tale of bathroom advice your mom gave you, that malfunctioned at a family reunion while wearing Raggedy Ann culottes. (That's a true story for another time). It's actually the title of a song I hadn't heard in awhile by Eric Peters.

The first time I heard this song was in 2006 at my very first "Behold the Lamb" concert. Everything about that concert rocked my world and I am forever indebted to the Spirit's work in those songwriters life and their courage to share that with a bunch of strangers. I remember this man getting up and sharing about a crisis of faith and what it meant to him to know with certainty that God could handle his doubts. Maybe you have already figured this out about life, but at 20 and in bible college wrestling with so much knowledge; this felt like a brand new truth.  It spoke a freedom into my life I cannot fully express.

I've often thought of this song and even find myself making a fist and squeezing tight as a symbol of holding on to truth when it feels the most untrue. It is a powerful reminder of the refining work God is doing in our hearts and minds and souls- grinding away the rock to reveal the diamond inside.

Even though I don't know that I would have remembered the artists name (sorry Eric!), I did recognize it when I saw posters at work that he was coming to do a concert. And the timing could not be short of divine.

On Wednesday, I'm leaving for a 6 day vacation. A very necessary vacation. There has been a tremendous amount of dissonance in my life this summer, primarily in the past 2 months. I'm so thankful for the ways God is shaping me through that, but all that grinding is painful and exhausting as well.   It is so good for me to be reminded that this grinding I feel is not to destroy me, but to form me more clearly into the image of His Son. That is a hope my soul has been desperate to know!

It would have been cool to hear him sing it tonight, but it wasn't on his playlist and I was too chicken to call it out. :) I did talk to him after the concert though and I hope the story of how God has, and is using his music is encouraging. Take a listen- good stuff!

(And if you like that, check out him and other artists at Under the Radar)

4th Annual Lawndale 5K Walk / Run

4th Annual Lawndale 5K Walk / Run

The God of Peace

Please pray for my neighborhood... we are broken. http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/chi-cops-man-shot-killed-in-lawndale-neighborhood-20110906,0,6541481.story

Inspiration Kitchens

Last Friday our church helped out at HomeCourt. (The highlights included managing kids in a moon bounce and collecting tickets for hot dogs.) I took the green line to the Conservatory stop and walked down Lake Street to the court. I passed a restaurant that I remember someone telling me about, but I didn't realize it was open. Aubrey and I went last Sunday for Brunch and it was incredible and I plan to go alot more now. (you should too!)

Inspiration Kitchens has delicious food and a great mission. Make sure to check the hours before going because there are certain times it is closed for training, but it is so worth going!

Lois' Lawn

My neighbor Loris really likes to keep her lawn looking nice. She is dedicated to water it every day and sweep the sidewalk. She and her son were out the other day working on their lawn- she called me down to meet him. I asked if I could help her with one thing and the an hour later we are still sweeping, going right down the street because she is a little embarrassed of all the leaves in front of our place.

I was teasing her that she was like a hurricane coming through. She even had us grabbing branches and garbage out of the yucky black water at the edge of the street. (I think I may have got some kind of rat disease from that... hahaha). 

She has high standards though- I was sweeping for a bit, trying to get everything perfect so that my work would pass inspection. It checked out OK, but was too slow for Ms Lois, so she took the broom back. :)

Some high school boys made the mistake of throwing trash on her lawn... They heard and earful from her about it! They respect her though which is cool. I look forward to the day when I can be a grandma figure like that... It really is such an honor! I have a long way to go before then though to perfect my sweep stroke.

HOMIE

If you thought I was estatic before when I had a homie, you can imagine how it is now that I AM A HOMIE!
On 4th of July, Aubrey and I were making our way back from the park watching fireworks and saw some neighbors that I've known the most hanging out on the porch. One of the guys said, "what's up, little homie?" and hugged me and I was just thrilled. :)

Hairy Scarys

This was in my bed..... it runs fast and it scared the everything out of me. Bleh!

I chased it around my room for about 30 minutes because I HAD to kill it. Maybe that sounds diabolical when it is just a little bug, but there's no way I could sleep if that was on the loose to crawl back into bed with me. It got away for awhile, hiding under my window seat. But I waited for it to come out and when it did, I stomped on it. Then I left the dead one there so all the other bugs would know their fate if they tried to get in bed with me. It hasn't really worked though....a cricket and a spider have both tried to get in my bed... unsuccessfully! What is up with all the recent inscet activity in my bed? It's kind sicking me out.

I found some info online that refers to these guys as "hairy scarys" and claims that they are "harmless, but scary looking."

Nervous Nelly

Highschool boy:
"This water tastes like bleach!"
(laughter by everyone around)
Me:
"City water... ick!"
Kind man I just met who is attractive enough to make me nervous:
"You don't drink city water?"
Me:
"Well, I guess, but we have a Brita"
Kind man I just met who is attractive enough to make me nervous: (jokingly)
"Oh, you're one of those?!"
Me:
"haha. Yeah... Speaking of Britas, I almost drank a whole one yesterday after this Cardio Punch class I went to at the gym...My abs are so sore and I could hardly get out of bed today."
Me (to myself):
"Oh Wow, smooth transition there killer! You just really wanted him to know you go to the gym...didn't ya?"

LAME! hahaha.

I belong!

We returned from ACSD on Thursday. Even though I tuckered out a bit after a 9 hour car ride, my body in general was more tired of sitting and eating, so I decided to go to step class.

I sweated my pants off and felt so relieved to be in motion! At the end of class we always pray and recite a motto together while holding hands. :) I've kinda always wanted to volunteer to pray but didn't want to be presumptuous since I am the new kid in the group. This time though Sharon looked at me and asked me to pray! Probably I am more mushy about this than most people would be, but it felt like an initiation of sorts- that now I belonged somehow. What a joy that this place and people I love so much showed (in this small way) that they don't think I'm bad either!

Feeling exhilarated, I walked out to the heifer with my swagger tight. I passed a guy in the window of one of the clinic buildings cleaning. Let me re-phrase: I passed a real good looking man in the window of one of the clinic buildings cleaning. He waved at me and I got all excited to wave back...let's be honest, a little too excited! Somehow instead of waving I stabbed myself right below the lip with my super long nails. It was bleeding and I was wrenching in pain... what a hot first impression right?

With head now out of the clouds, I went home to care for my flirting injury, shower and do laundry.

ACSD in the Ozarks

June 6th I woke up at 4:30am.  11 hours and alot of quality time in the car with my coworkers later,  I was in Springfield, MO for the ACSD conference. This is the first year that my position has been a part of this conference and I was geek-tastically excited about it.

It was so good to be out in the Ozarks and the campus we stayed on was beautiful. The plenary sessions were interesting and even if just personally I was encouraged. I could see it being a really great networking place in the future too for work related things...I just wasn't quite brave enough to mingle apart from my group this year.

I did meet some great people from another college at the opening banquet though. I liked them so much I decided to attend their session held over lunch a few days later. The opening slide flashed up and I knew I was in the wrong place... "being a single RD" hahaha. I am not an RD. oops! At least the single part was right. :)

The planning of the conference tried to incorporate the arts. I am a huge fan of this, but unfortunately I was too immature for some of it. A radio personality man read an excruciatingly descriptive poem about nature... I don't know if it was the bellow of his voice or all the frogs hippity hopping; but I just picked a spot, bit my lip and focused on not chuckling.

One of my fave plenary session speakers was Donna Feitas. She was so interesting and candid and funny- pretty much I want to be her when I grow up. :)

I feel happy of myself!

It is incredible how happy this video has made me today.... This child is beyond precious!

<a href="http://www.msn.com/?from={from}&videoId=8742ea06-7cae-4c02-983e-69790aa88d0f&from=mmv_mmv_en-US&fg=hub_hpvideo2" target="_new" title="Kid Conquers Challenge And Thinks You Can Too!">Video: Kid Conquers Challenge And Thinks You Can Too!</a>

You Sexy Thing!

Sara and I spent a good portion of our afternoon walking around Grand Rapids’ eastown district. We browsed through cooking stores and thrift shops and grabbed a latte. We went to a bookstore and visited a few art galleries. The sun was out and we were just slightly warm- it was fantastic!

As we were making our way home, a handful of men on bikes passed us. Once we made eye contact, they tooted their horns at us. Something about the whole experience made me laugh for about a block…bike horns are not usually what I imagine the “smooth operators” using.

                       

I’m excited to spend a few days here on vacation with such a good friend who knows me well. Already we are building a wealth of stories!

Red Badge of Courage

In general, I like to think of myself as a brave person, but what I am about to tell you pushes the limits even for me…
Sunday was Elizabeth & Sean’s wedding. I was the bridesmaid in a watermelon colored dress that was a bit to snug and I was feeling uncomfortable. BUT a journey song started playing and I really wanted to dance. This scenario presents 2 problems:
1. I don’t know how to dance… and
2. I had no one to dance with
So I marched over to the group of groomsmen standing on the edge of the dance floor and asked if any of them would dance with me….cuz I really loved the song. And, one of them did! We rocked back and forth in a circle a couple times- talked while I gestured wildly with my hands- pretty much as good as one can hope for right?

I know it might sound pathetic, but there was a part of me that was expecting an awkward rejection based on my well endowed thighs and was relieved to find that wasn’t the case. It took more courage than I’d like to admit, but I’m adding it to my list of reality vs. hypothetical fears. Check!

Oooooohhhhhh….

Tonight the Jr. Higher’s were asking if there was a different God for each country- an India God, an Africa God, etc. When I told them that there is only one God they wanted to know what color he was. We talked about how God is a Spirit, but Jesus had a body. I explained that Jesus was born in Israel so he probably had some of those common middle eastern features…..

In a moment of innocent revelation, one of them exclaimed, “Oooooooooooohhhhh…… so he looked like the people that work at Subway!”

GLUM

Most things in my life have been great- my job, my family, my new roommate, step class, Bible Study with the Jr. High girls, etcetera, etcetra….

Despite all those good things I’ve been enjoying, I have also been battling with this inner turmoil since Christmas. (Probably why my posts have been anecdotal and overall lame this year…sorry friends). 
This inner turmoil largely has to do with trusting that I am loved (or a lack of trusting would be more appropriate). It all started with a sticky situation with a friend, but has ended with me realizing that this fear is a symptom of a more foundational need.

The love of God is a fairly basic theological assumption and truth, I realize, but it’s also something that I come back to again and again with difficulty. Even though I wouldn’t own up to this on a statement of faith, the Lord has revealed a deep mistrust of the enduring faithfulness and affectionate nature of His love for me. 
For far too long I have been translating the love of God as His pity for my finite spiritual state and attributing His generosity to His “fair” nature – that He only loves me because He is God and He loves the whole world. That His love would fade and be revealed as just an obligation- an obligation He would resent and grow weary of. I didn’t want to depend too much on the security of His love if He was only going to remove it once He saw my lack of improvement. I’ve harbored this terror of being abandoned by God and by others for such a long time that it started to seem true and normal.  And yet in His graciousness, God painfully revealed this dark place in me.

My theology convinces me that the Lord is not the one I need to be concerned about – instead I need to learn to believe and trust His truth in a way that goes beyond the facts. I need to experience His love in my real life and be assured that these significant eternal truths are not just for the future or the spiritual realm only, but they are a part of my everyday reality.  I’ve been asking the Lord to replace the fear and expectation I have of being abandoned with His delight instead.

Awhile ago I blogged about being at a coffee shop doing a word study about “delight”. I can say that the results were so different from what I expected but also caused a swelling of hope in me. I expected to find fluffy words about how the Lord thinks I’m beautiful and great and made me special…. but instead I found that the Lord delights in His Word, in His Law, in blamelessness, in the prayer of the upright, in loving-kindness and righteousness. Those who put their delight in the Lord are not put to shame. Over and over again these verses demonstrate the value of delighting in God above anything else. The themes of obedience, truthfulness and waiting on Him have been transforming my perspective lately of what it looks like to delight in God.

Learning on this topic and receiving the healing offered is FAR from over, but I feel in a less fragile enough place to share these words and experiences. God has not failed me….instead through this pain and struggle, I have found the hope and security I am always longing for!

The drought of 2011

So.... it has been awhile. Sorry about that- I know that at least one someone out there has been missing new posts. As a token of my sincere appreciation to her patience and perseverence in following my adventures (even through this recent drought) I would like to dedicate this post to the one and only mother of my roommate.... CHRISTIE MARTIN!

Disclaimer: Aubrey Martin had no part in choosing the photos for this post... hehehe maybe I'm lying...

Thanks for being a supporter and generally fun Mom. Thanks for coming to step class and Sweet Tomatoes with us and writing articles about whooping cough that inform the masses not to panic. Thanks for being married to Rob and both praying me through to a larger shower. Thanks also for giving birth to Aubrey C Martin; I'm a fan of her.

There's been alot going on in my heart and mind that I haven't been quite ready to release yet. The LORD is ever faithful and teaching me to trust His steadfast love. Many more posts are on their way....pinky promise.  :)

April Fools!

Today is April Fools day. And it is also a Weight Watcher's weigh in day.
It's sadistic I know, but I cannot get over what a funny combination that could be. :)

Hyacinth On-The-Go

I am writing this post from Caribou Coffee in Oak Park. And yes, that's all this post is about.

The first 2 years of college, I didn't have a laptop and the second 2 years of college the one I was given was too fragile to cart around. So, it may seem really silly, but sitting at a coffee shop and connecting to the wireless internet is a big thrill for me. :) hahaha.

Doing a Word study about delight... more to come....possibly from other locatons. :)

Hey Batter, Batter!

One night I was traveling on the Pink Line later than the work crowd rush.... Joe and I had tried to go see Louder Than A Bomb but it was sold out. SAD! I still really want to check it out next time it's in the area. Anyway, on the way home I had a conglomeration of strange experiences.

1.) I lost my earring. I was too sad because they were the sparkliest pair I owned.

2.) This man was yelling on his cell (not cool, sir) in a language I could not understand. All the sudden he broke into English accentuating each syllable loudly, "I. HAVE. MONEY. IN. MY. POCKETS!" All I gotta say is, this is the wrong line to be shouting that stuff on.

3.) It was a crowded train and I did not have the best spot for reaching the pole to hang on to. I decided I was seasoned enough at riding the train to just lean up against the car wall and balance. When the train pulls out of the stop it usually jerks once....I was prepared for that one jerk, but this time it jerked twice. I tumbled....TUMBLED! and ended up steadying myself by unknowingly putting my hand into this little old man's lap. How do you even recover from that?! "Sorry" doesn't seem to cut it when you've just gotten to 2nd base with a total stranger on the commute home, you know? (Is it 2nd base or 3rd...I was too afraid to search it on the Internet. There seems to be some discrepancy in the public knowledge pool. Who decides these things anyway?)
 
PS- I found my lost earring when I got home. SPARKLES forever!

Good Luck!

Yesterday was a bad day.... work was funky, jr. highers were extra hyper, and I wore nylons all day. So it wasn't the end of the world, but it was enough to discourage me.

This morning I wanted everything to be fresh and new- maybe it was...I didn't have time to pay attention to it. Forgot to set my alarm last night...(Usually I am on the train by 7:15am) Today I woke up at 7:23. oops.

Sitting at work now feeling a little grungy cuz showering was not an option. As I left the office to grab a muffin and some chocolate milk for breakfast I ran into a door. Not like the "whew! I just caught myself and I hope nobody saw that" kind of ran into the door; the "Shoot! I just slammed my toes and nose against this wooden plank and I know everybody saw that" kind of ran into the door.  hahahahaha. awesome.

Cyril told me I should have wore green clothes- Maybe that would've helped my luck this morning.
At least there is step class tonight. hallelujah!

New Snack of Choice

 Found this the other day on my way home from work. It made me laughed the whole block home. Enjoy!
RAP SNACKS:

I love everything about this!
Stay in School
Bar-b-quin' with my HONEY

"The official snack of hip hop"

Zipitty Zipcar!

HAPPY PACZKI DAY!

(Yes I may be posting this after the fact, but my joy is as full now as then.)

I haven't been able to find my camera in awhile...otherwise you would see a picture of just how amazing Paczki Day was. For now, imagine me and Joe at 6:30am (it's not pretty I know, but this day improves my mood that early- promise!) standing beside a Sentra that is "orange" (really really extremely burnt orange) with 4 boxen of Paczki!

Those 4 dozen paczki were gone pretty quick here at work. One of the women even referred to me as 'the paczki fairy!' hahahaha. I am totally embracing that high calling and cannot wait to do it again next year. Thinking that a few more boxes will be necessary. 

BTW, Zipcar was so great.... I love that their cars all have names! It was no coincidence that "my" "orange" Sentra was named SERENDIPITY! We love each other...pretty much. If you don't own a car, but you like to have one sometimes, you should join. It is super easy! Next year, let's all drive our zipcars to get paczkis. We will need the extra cargo space. :)

TAP, CHANGE!

I'm hooked... obsessed...in love...cannot get enough of STEP CLASS!

It's been about a month now and seriously - it is making all my fitness dreams come true. I have truly always wanted to go to a step class but never got up the courage or had the right time available. Now that I've started though I don't think I can stop. 

I like how basic it is, but also varied so I am never bored. And, let's be honest- it kicks my butt EVERY TIME.I like the lingo....and the signs....and the counting....and the music...and the instructor's headset mic...pretty much everything!

My new fave thing to do is look up step class videos on youtube. This one is my fave right now. hahahaha. Not only is it entertaining (like the ones from the 80's), but it also gets me excited for all the advancing you could do on it. There are an endless amount of combos of moves you could do... it is fantastic!

My goal is to add a riser to the board by the end of the month... it is ridiculous how giddy I am about the thought of this. :) hahahaa. Everyone, go join a step class! Or at least watch some youtube videos of it! :) 

Been a Minute

So it's been a awhile since I posted on here. Oops! Sorry Mom.

The new developments this month were minimally epic:
1. Joscey and I introduced Aubey and Mariah to Andrew Peterson & the Captain's Courageous. Pretty much our BFF's. hahaha. We're counting on Elmhurst Christian Reformed to bring "Behold The Lamb" back to the Chicagoland area in 2012. Bless them if they do!

2. The Agave plant at the Garfield Park Conservatory is blooming. It may not sound like a big deal; but this plant only blooms ever 50 years. It is pretty awesome- as well as their show room full of blankets of colorful Spring flowers.

3. I am wearing a new scent of deodorant. Shower Clean and I have been together for many years now and I was hesitant to switch, but after visiting 3 Walgreens with no success; I was desperate. Fresh Oxygen and I are getting along really well. What if I go to Walgreens next time and they have both scents? What will I do? Will I go back to the familiar or stick with the exotic?

4. My parents visited and we had a blast. We spent a significant amount of time in Cicero at the Home Depot, Menards and Target. My bedroom has curtains, the armoire has doors and the living room has a rug now! It's pretty fantastic and homey and really generous of my parents to spend their vacation days helping me out. The parents came to Girls Got Game with my on Saturday and it was fun to have my Dad run the games. He is such a ham- the girls loved him. Additionally, I will need a few weeks (at least 1) to recover from the eating frenzy that was this weekend. It was just like being home... in a good way... a really good and delicious way!

5. Bowling is my new favorite pastime. I have to say that I have improved much since the days at Strikers in high school. I bowled above 100 both times which is probably a world record or something for me. (Let's not pretend like I don't know my exact scores: 153 and 139. XXX!) Dad would be incredibly proud of all the "shaking hands" I was doing. 

6. The final touches have been put on the online housing process. And I am so excited for the students to use it in 2 weeks. I told a coworker the other day that I felt like I was birthing this! Blood, sweat and tears have gone into this year long project and I am DELIGHTED to have it accomplished. I am such a nerd that work made my updates. :)

7. I can now say that I have done a Beth Moore Bible study like all the other good Christian women out there. I kinda laughed when I came up with that as a solution, but this workbook is NO JOKE. It is packed with truth that I am so grateful for...still finding places of healing and disbelief the Lord is working on in my heart. Thankful He is doesn't see how long this sanctification process is taking and give up on me. He is wonderfully patient and faithful.

The Return of Joe Bob

Remember this guy? he's baaaaa-aaaack! (cue horror movie music) 

It's been a minute since our last encounter and I'm thinking he probably got the point after his attempt at courtship failed. As my Dad would say though, "You can't think, you gotta know!" Well, now I do....too well in fact.


ME & JOE BOB: polite chit chat (good morning, cold out here, just going to work, etc.)
JOE BOB: You have a cute little pug nose.
ME: thanks? (really seriously again?!)
JOE BOB: I love little pug noses. You got a boyfriend?
ME: No (Completely stunned by this unpleasant deja vu)
JOE BOB: I better watch myself, right? You know, I get turned on by pug noses
ME: Sir, I am not interested. That is enough (WTH!?!?!?! Someone get this man a pug nose dog so I can make a quick escape)
JOE BOB: Not interested. Why not? I could make you interested. I know how to do that- I can fix TV's if their broken and I'm a very smart person.
ME: (Silence, trying to stare off into space hoping he will get the hint)
JOE BOB: You got any kids? I have 3 (Yes, I know, we've had this conversation before little guy- and all 3 are older than me)
JOE BOB: You like to cook.
ME: (I was weak and just nodded my head in affirmation trying not to give in, but feeling so rude for ignoring him completely)
JOE BOB: ooooohhhhhh... girl don't tell me that! Do you make biscuits?
ME: (Nodding my head again-negative, trying not to laugh because I was already planning this blog post)
JOE BOB: (20 more uncomfortable minutes of riding the train being "complimented" on my little pug nose, people around were beginning to take notice, why didn't anyone save me?!?!)

Friendly reminder to self: make sure not to get on the later train. It is at a shift change....bad news
Friendly reminder to gals with cute little pug noses: Avoid the Kedzie Pink Line stop in the AM. :)

Points Plus

It's a new year and with it a new go around with Weight Watchers for me.
I re-joined online while eating a Butterfinger this morning. Classy, right? I know.

I'm expecting big things....and you should too. (or small-ER things may be more appropriate)Ask me how it's going so I don't flake out. And do not let me near Butterfingers.