Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Hyacinth
The Commute: flirty
When I first moved and was being more responsible to get on the "early" train, I would always see the same CTA worker in the mornings. We'll call him Joe Bob. He was a real jolly guy who always referred to be as Ms. Monroe, because of my remarkable resemblance to Marilyn Monroe. (hahahhaa. Yes, I am being sarcastic!And Yes, he really called me that!) Well, I thought it was cute coming from an older grandfatherly man and made me feel special on the days when I was tripping up the escalator, feeling like a hot mess, emailing Saudi Arabia and such.
UNTIL....
One morning I took the "later" train when Joe Bob was getting off his shift. So we stood on the platform chatting about the weather and other miscellaneous socially acceptable tokens. There was a lull and I took a moment to look and see if the train was coming yet. Still nothing. When I looked back to Joe Bob, he seemed more sober than I remember our conversation requiring.
JOE BOB: I've been waiting a long time to tell you this...
ME: oh... (laughing nervously and totally unable to imagine what it might be)
JOE BOB: You are beautiful. I love your hair....(reaches out and touches my hair)
ME: (Completely stunned and speechless)
JOE BOB: I'm sorry I couldn't resist. I better watch myself, right?
ME: Yeah (akwardly and slowly backing up, look for the train. STILL NOTHING)
JOE BOB: I noticed you because you have a great smile and your ass isn't hanging out of your pants like the other girls on this block. Where do you stay at?
ME: Um, over on 19th and Kedzie (A generic street corner near my house)
JOE BOB: Well, are you married, got a boyfriend or kids?
ME: No. No. No. (Wishing I could've lied...) How about you?
JOE BOB: I'm not married and I've got three kids who are grown now.
ME: How old are they? (Hoping this question would spark some measure of logic and reason)
JOE BOB: Oh, 43, 37 and 31.
ME: Oh... that's nice. How old are you? (Breathing easy because surely he realizes I am younger than his children and surely saying his own age will make everything click)
JOE BOB: I'm 65. So, do you think I could come over sometime and pick you up and we could do something together?
ME: Uhhh... (laughing nervously again) Well, I'm not anywhere near 65.
JOE BOB: It doesn't matter how old you are- it only matters how old you feel.
THE TRAIN ARRIVES!
JOE BOB: I like to do real nice things like watch TV and we could eat dinner together. Or I could come sit on the step with you. (Standing close to me on the train)
ME: No, I don't think so. Sorry, I'm not interested!
JOE BOB: No? Really? Alright well... (putting his hand over mine) Be sweet baby.(He goes and sits down)
ME: OK thanks.
So step aside all you 65 year old single ladies.... Apparently I'm what the men are looking for in that age bracket. :)
UNTIL....
One morning I took the "later" train when Joe Bob was getting off his shift. So we stood on the platform chatting about the weather and other miscellaneous socially acceptable tokens. There was a lull and I took a moment to look and see if the train was coming yet. Still nothing. When I looked back to Joe Bob, he seemed more sober than I remember our conversation requiring.
JOE BOB: I've been waiting a long time to tell you this...
ME: oh... (laughing nervously and totally unable to imagine what it might be)
JOE BOB: You are beautiful. I love your hair....(reaches out and touches my hair)
ME: (Completely stunned and speechless)
JOE BOB: I'm sorry I couldn't resist. I better watch myself, right?
ME: Yeah (akwardly and slowly backing up, look for the train. STILL NOTHING)
JOE BOB: I noticed you because you have a great smile and your ass isn't hanging out of your pants like the other girls on this block. Where do you stay at?
ME: Um, over on 19th and Kedzie (A generic street corner near my house)
JOE BOB: Well, are you married, got a boyfriend or kids?
ME: No. No. No. (Wishing I could've lied...) How about you?
JOE BOB: I'm not married and I've got three kids who are grown now.
ME: How old are they? (Hoping this question would spark some measure of logic and reason)
JOE BOB: Oh, 43, 37 and 31.
ME: Oh... that's nice. How old are you? (Breathing easy because surely he realizes I am younger than his children and surely saying his own age will make everything click)
JOE BOB: I'm 65. So, do you think I could come over sometime and pick you up and we could do something together?
ME: Uhhh... (laughing nervously again) Well, I'm not anywhere near 65.
JOE BOB: It doesn't matter how old you are- it only matters how old you feel.
THE TRAIN ARRIVES!
JOE BOB: I like to do real nice things like watch TV and we could eat dinner together. Or I could come sit on the step with you. (Standing close to me on the train)
ME: No, I don't think so. Sorry, I'm not interested!
JOE BOB: No? Really? Alright well... (putting his hand over mine) Be sweet baby.(He goes and sits down)
ME: OK thanks.
So step aside all you 65 year old single ladies.... Apparently I'm what the men are looking for in that age bracket. :)
The Commute
Every weekday morning I play a game of time with the snooze button and the train schedule.
This morning I won. (insert evil, victorious laughter here) Last night you would have thought I was defeated though.... I forgot to set my alarm. oops! At 7:01am, I woke up. To my credit; I did not panic, just did what needed to be done and was at the train station by 7:14am. The train came by 7:15am! Somehow I managed to get on the "early" train to work! This train should probably be referred to more accurately as the "responsible, get to work 10 minutes early" train. Instead I usually take the "just need to put on deodorant before leaving and arrive at work right on time" train.
Last week I set 2 new records for the commute home- the shortest and the longest. 25 minutes and 65 minutes. The longest commute was 40 minutes of being delayed because of signal clearance.... 40 minutes of CTA apologizing for the inconvenience...40 minutes of me imagining the previous afternoon's ride... 40 minutes of additional people watching.
To date, my favorite sight from the el was of an older man with a pet squirrel who was doing tricks on the platform to entertain those waiting. It was a kind of bizarre circus act that you couldn't look away from... a bizarrely AWESOME circus. :)
This morning I won. (insert evil, victorious laughter here) Last night you would have thought I was defeated though.... I forgot to set my alarm. oops! At 7:01am, I woke up. To my credit; I did not panic, just did what needed to be done and was at the train station by 7:14am. The train came by 7:15am! Somehow I managed to get on the "early" train to work! This train should probably be referred to more accurately as the "responsible, get to work 10 minutes early" train. Instead I usually take the "just need to put on deodorant before leaving and arrive at work right on time" train.
Last week I set 2 new records for the commute home- the shortest and the longest. 25 minutes and 65 minutes. The longest commute was 40 minutes of being delayed because of signal clearance.... 40 minutes of CTA apologizing for the inconvenience...40 minutes of me imagining the previous afternoon's ride... 40 minutes of additional people watching.
To date, my favorite sight from the el was of an older man with a pet squirrel who was doing tricks on the platform to entertain those waiting. It was a kind of bizarre circus act that you couldn't look away from... a bizarrely AWESOME circus. :)
9 days
We're down to single digits..... till ANDREW PETERSON!
Chicago, IL 60657
Free Concert / Love Offering
More Info: 312-666-4400
Sat Oct 9, 2010
Chicago, IL / Christian Fellowship Free Church
Show 6:00 PM / Doors 5:00pm / Map
3425 N. DamenChicago, IL 60657
Free Concert / Love Offering
More Info: 312-666-4400
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
An Ode to CEF
I was asked to write this for an upcoming banquet in my local area... and thought it might be cool to share.
At 8 years old (as I often am in stories about my childhood) I sat in Junior Church listening to Jim Wisman tell a story about a gutsy woman, illustrated in pink and white, who loved the Lord. She loved Him so much that she served Him from the time she was a teenager in Scotland to the time of her death in Calabar, (now known as the New Hebrides Islands). I admired her courage and wanted to be just like her… You may be familiar with this story as that of Mary Slessor. Though I didn’t realize it was a CEF lesson at the time, it was already influencing my mind and heart.
My parents hosted a 5 Day club (also when I was 8 years old!) and I remember singing the songs along with the Sumer Missionary, Aaron Schmuck. I invited neighbor friends and was exuberant to see some of them come to Christ.
A little older than 8 now, I remember watching Tom Bump (the director at the time) make balloon creatures and teach us a peculiar song that had A LOT of words, but none on the visual. At a youth group event a few years later, Tom shared how we could be trained to teach the Gospel at a camp called SMA. My best friend Noelle Kimberley was going, so I decided to tag along. Only the Lord could have known how that week in 1999 would change my life!
For the next 6 years, CEF and I were inseparable! I attended CYIA the next few summers as a student, student staff and then intern. I taught clubs all over Michigan, drove summer missionaries around in the white van my parents let me use- affectionately known as the “CEF-mobile”, spoke at churches, scheduled clubs, helped with VBS, taught Good News Club, worked at the fair, went to committee meetings, helped with TCE demonstrations and even went to Kenya to partner in CYIA training there. Throughout these 6 years, I was blessed to meet so many of you who are sitting here tonight!
The Lord used CEF to shape and mold me as a teenager. Whether it was a long talk with Carol Horn while we cleaned out the office basement, or prayer with Helen Stroh from the committee while we cut verse tokens, whether it was listening to a child pray in their own words to show their belief in Jesus or listening to the Summer Missionaries over lunch celebrate what God was doing; I was discipled by this ministry. I learned what the body of Christ really was as I saw families opening their homes to the kids in the neighborhood- making eternal connections with them! And as churches and individuals cared for me too- financially supporting my summer endeavors or covering me in prayer.
In August 2004, I moved to Chicago to attend Moody Bible Institute. Every student there has a Practical Christian Ministry that they are involved with each week. My PCM (for short) was teaching a Good News Club in a southwest neighborhood of the city called Lawndale. We met in the Werner family’s back yard and tried as best we could to stick to the curriculum. My partner and I found that these kids had so many questions- and lacked a foundation in the Word. They were not quite ready for the stories of Joshua and Judges; so we adjusted to the basics of Creation and Who God is and what Prayer is and we saw light in some of their eyes. The Werner family moved overseas and I got involved in some other ministries in the city. I started attending a house church on Chicago’s West side and would teach the children there every few weeks. CEF was never far from my mind though, the training of IPEAR is innately ingrained into my soul! No matter the venue (Teaching children, giving a meal and testimony to the homeless, mentoring college students as an RA), God’s truth changes lives. That’s what I learned from CEF.
Fast forward to May 2008. I graduated from Moody Bible Institute and made this crazy decision to stay in the city… where sadly you cannot see the stars shine like at home in Memphis. I was an international ministries major preparing for the foreign mission field and then found myself living downtown and working at my alma mater in the Vice President of Student Services office instead. I had a regular income and benefits and running water- all things I had been preparing myself to do without.
I am still here in Chicago, working at Moody Bible Institute (though now in the Housing Department), attending the house church and now living next door to the Werner family who has returned from overseas. Junior High girls are a big part of my life and ministry. I participate in a girls running club where we train for a 5k together, while building relationships and awareness about health issues. We are also beginning a Bible Study with the same group of girls from the community. The Lord has woven so many threads of my life (seemingly unrelated) together for His glory.
Though I am not living in Calabar and have a sparse amount of pink and white in my wardrobe, Mary Slessor and all the other CEF lessons have inspired me to live in radical obedience to Christ. Though sometimes failing, I love Him and want to serve Him…. Always.
In the future, I have a dream of managing a guest house (possibly overseas) where missionary workers or Pastors who are tired can come and rest awhile. I would love to be in charge of the daily operations of cooking and changing sheets to hear their stories in exchange. It would be my desire to share those stories with the church to drive us to prayer and service ourselves. Also, it would be awesome to partner in getting some resources to those where Gospel literature is not as readily available. So… I guess we can all wait and see how the Lord weaves those desires together! :)
Monday, September 13, 2010
Don't Panic...Eat Fresh!
Sometimes for lunch I go to Subway. Sometimes after lunch (for dessert) I go to Subway. I LOVE their cookies... they have the perfect goo to crunch ratio. The guys in there know me pretty well. They shout MEGA when I get to the end of the counter because they know that is the size fountain soda I'll be purchasing. It's unnerving on my most self conscious days.... but also endearing...
When I am there, I am always struck with the panic that seems to come over people when the worker behind the counter shouts, "Welcome to Subway, what would you like?"
These are professionals, business men and women that are accustomed to stressful situations and high volume work loads. However, they seem to come unglued when trying to order at Subway! Suddenly they stammer and their mind goes blank. They ask for one bread then change their mind to another.... "6 inch, no footlong; American and Pepperjack; that costs more? Did I say toasted?" It makes me want to work at Subway just to be entertained by everyone's high strung antics. Reminds me of Brian Regan's commentary on Doughnut Day- maybe that's why I noticed it. Though I feel like if you did work at Subway you would only be able to laugh about this phenom with other Subway workers (and possibly freaks like myself who are shockingly observant as well). Can you imagine coming home every night with a punch line about tomatoes and mayo? I don't think anyone would appreciate that.... not many anyway, not many.
It's funny, but also kinda pathetic that we can be fragile enough to be sent over the edge by lunch. Though I have never lived through any slower paced period of the past, I am enjoying being a part of the fictional version found within Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry. (Ironically I have so enjoyed this world that I have read through it at lightening speed).
The land and our relationship to it is a theme throughout his writing. That's the thing that has struck me most while reading this book. My love for Jewish things and the Old Testament may have created a consciousness about "the land" in a spiritual sense; a theological significance even of ownership, cultivation and rest. What I have been struck by is much more physical than all that though, yet that still intertwines with the spiritual in its way.
Berry's knowledge and description of the purpose and satisfaction found in farming has been convicting to me (particularly in regards to our relationship with food as a society). When I want to eat, I just go to Subway or grab something at the grocery store. There is no toil, no patience, no connection to where that food came from or responsibility to your body and community. It has become a fact of life that misses the rhythm of seasons entirely (except that this time of the year is the only one when candy corn is readily available!)
I certainly am not qualified in any way to speak to this subject- I have been avoiding seeing movies like "Food, Inc." and reading books like "In Defense of Food" because of how trendy this topic is right now. Somehow though I stumbled into it anyway and now have such an unsettled feeling about the way we consume. Who knew that the invention of tractors to ease the burden could have created a whole new one? And really am I getting out there on the land to till the soil and grow my own everything? What have our central meeting places and common life patterns deteriorated to?
There are things we can gain from going faster and farther on this earth. Lately, I've just been forced to consider the sacrifice that comes along with that "freedom" as well. Maybe if we're not careful it becomes more of a slavery...Sometimes I think it's hard to know which is which.
In my small life, I cannot restructure the economic trends; but maybe there are small ways to recover pieces of what we have lost. Maybe that's why I like sitting on my front porch so much...
When I am there, I am always struck with the panic that seems to come over people when the worker behind the counter shouts, "Welcome to Subway, what would you like?"
These are professionals, business men and women that are accustomed to stressful situations and high volume work loads. However, they seem to come unglued when trying to order at Subway! Suddenly they stammer and their mind goes blank. They ask for one bread then change their mind to another.... "6 inch, no footlong; American and Pepperjack; that costs more? Did I say toasted?" It makes me want to work at Subway just to be entertained by everyone's high strung antics. Reminds me of Brian Regan's commentary on Doughnut Day- maybe that's why I noticed it. Though I feel like if you did work at Subway you would only be able to laugh about this phenom with other Subway workers (and possibly freaks like myself who are shockingly observant as well). Can you imagine coming home every night with a punch line about tomatoes and mayo? I don't think anyone would appreciate that.... not many anyway, not many.
It's funny, but also kinda pathetic that we can be fragile enough to be sent over the edge by lunch. Though I have never lived through any slower paced period of the past, I am enjoying being a part of the fictional version found within Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry. (Ironically I have so enjoyed this world that I have read through it at lightening speed).
The land and our relationship to it is a theme throughout his writing. That's the thing that has struck me most while reading this book. My love for Jewish things and the Old Testament may have created a consciousness about "the land" in a spiritual sense; a theological significance even of ownership, cultivation and rest. What I have been struck by is much more physical than all that though, yet that still intertwines with the spiritual in its way.
Berry's knowledge and description of the purpose and satisfaction found in farming has been convicting to me (particularly in regards to our relationship with food as a society). When I want to eat, I just go to Subway or grab something at the grocery store. There is no toil, no patience, no connection to where that food came from or responsibility to your body and community. It has become a fact of life that misses the rhythm of seasons entirely (except that this time of the year is the only one when candy corn is readily available!)
I certainly am not qualified in any way to speak to this subject- I have been avoiding seeing movies like "Food, Inc." and reading books like "In Defense of Food" because of how trendy this topic is right now. Somehow though I stumbled into it anyway and now have such an unsettled feeling about the way we consume. Who knew that the invention of tractors to ease the burden could have created a whole new one? And really am I getting out there on the land to till the soil and grow my own everything? What have our central meeting places and common life patterns deteriorated to?
There are things we can gain from going faster and farther on this earth. Lately, I've just been forced to consider the sacrifice that comes along with that "freedom" as well. Maybe if we're not careful it becomes more of a slavery...Sometimes I think it's hard to know which is which.
In my small life, I cannot restructure the economic trends; but maybe there are small ways to recover pieces of what we have lost. Maybe that's why I like sitting on my front porch so much...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Joy Comes In the Morning
Physically this long labor day weekend was relaxing. I didn't DO anything demanding... And the things I did do were all totally enjoyable.
On Friday I had people over for games and ka-bobs. (My first attempt ever at making ka-bobs and it was pretty much a success. If I could do it over though I would marinade the meat first. A good trick to remember for next time.) It was such a fun time to laugh and chill together. My fave telephone pictionary phrase gone wrong was Rob's "She's buying a stairway to heaven." Somewhere between Kaitlyn and Nikki the angels in heaven transformed into butterflies.... hahahha.
Saturday the girls running club was located on the lakefront which was as fun as running can get. Lanier was my running partner and she is delightful... though I don't know how well either of us did at motivation that morning. :) I took a NAP! Then I started a new book called Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry. HE IS PHENOMENAL! And is probably now my 2nd fave author; 1st in my heart will always be Chaim Potok! I used to say that I didn't like fiction books, but I am coming to realize that it is more accurate to say that I only like a certain kind of fiction book. No offense to Janette, but A Gown of Spanish Lace just doesn't do it for me anymore.
On Sunday I made cosmic brownies and ate the batter while watching the Goonies. Everyone I know loves it and was appalled that I had not seen it. I tried to like it, but I don't think I really "got" it. Maybe it is one of those things you can only appreciate in it's nostalgia from your own childhood. Admittedly though, the truffle shuffle made me laugh out loud.
Monday it was glorious to sleep in until 8:30am! (Who am I right now??? How did I ever sleep till 11am before?) I quietly read on the porch for awhile and then went to Jolanda's house for BBQ. She is an incredible host- so generous. There were ribs and potato salad and baked beans and corn on the cob and chicken and hot dogs and all was delicious! She said that she is the "Big Momma" of the family and the church and her block. I'm so thankful to be a part of her family. Also I went to the Garfield Park Conservatory for awhile. I journaled in the outdoor garden and enjoyed the cool breeze and blew bubbles. :) Don't judge me, I love bubbles! That night I was on the porch for over 2 hours... I had intended to read, but then all the craziness was going on and I found myself distracted by prayer instead.
All those details to say that I should have been rested and energized and ready for such a short week ahead, but sadly that wasn't quite the case. I was troubled and couldn't get my mind to slow down. I was anxious and worried and disappointed and fearful and angry. I had all these expectations for my day off (as if I was never to have a holiday again) and instead of enjoying it; I found myself restless to figure out what to do with myself. I was wrestling with the Lord to have peace about things that are beyond my control and understanding. I was grieving not being able to call my Grandpa on his birthday. I was needy and lonely and sensitive. The whole weekend felt like a night when you are so unbelievably tired but cannot find sleep.
The story of Jonah popped into my head when I was at the park and I read it over. God was good to convict me about how the story ends. With a plant generously provided to be a covering that shrivels and how strong Jonah responds to that. He throws a fit of entitlement out of ignorance which was much the same of what I had been doing all weekend. I'm also thankful for a good conversation with Joscey later at the BBQ and the assurance I have of her prayers on behalf of my wounded heart. The body of Christ is pretty cool like that.
Tuesday (you know, the day I had to go back to work) was such a blessing though- and nothing to dread really at all. My roommate gave me a ride to work in the morning. A totally unexpected surprise! At lunch, I heard a beautiful engagement story from this weekend. Totally an encouragement to hear how they have both walked this road so faithfully looking to Jesus! At the end of the day, Kaitlyn came by and we chatted for awhile then went swimming together. It was so much fun and I loved laughing with her and confessing some of my silliest and most profound thoughts from the weekend! I bought a coloring book on the way home- a beautiful adult one from Paper Source. I sat on the front porch eating dinner and reading. Then I colored while listening to the entirety of "Behold the Lamb." I got into bed as the last song played at 9:10pm and went to sleep overjoyed at the GOSPEL!!
Once I heard Steve Arterburn say how glad he was when he realized that not only were the things in the Bible true, but that what was true in life was in the Bible. The weight of relief from experiencing that firsthand was heavy on me last night. There really is no man's affirmation or best friend's listening ear or chocolate delight that can satisfy me in the deepest parts. It is only Jesus Who can meet me there in that brokenness. He can SEE me and UNDERSTAND me and HEAL me- all the things I am so desperately longing for and restless about. Though He may be a Spirit, He somehow in reality touches us. What a mystery! I don't know why I always am doubting this truth...and subsequently needing to re-experience it. Glory to Jesus that He is all our Hope and Peace!
I am so grateful to be free of the many things that were tangling me up this weekend. I felt a joy this morning and a rest that was so refreshing to my soul (even if it was not on my day off). This morning on the way across the plaza to my office, I passed a sprinkler with a pathetic drizzle on the lawn. I noticed a little robin playfully standing under the spray that was gentle enough for it and I laughed out loud. It looked right at me as if it knew the reason I was laughing and disapproved. I am after all the girl who was blowing bubbles in the park this weekend! hahaha
Also, 10 Million bonus points to me for beginning this post with the word "Physically." :)
On Friday I had people over for games and ka-bobs. (My first attempt ever at making ka-bobs and it was pretty much a success. If I could do it over though I would marinade the meat first. A good trick to remember for next time.) It was such a fun time to laugh and chill together. My fave telephone pictionary phrase gone wrong was Rob's "She's buying a stairway to heaven." Somewhere between Kaitlyn and Nikki the angels in heaven transformed into butterflies.... hahahha.
Saturday the girls running club was located on the lakefront which was as fun as running can get. Lanier was my running partner and she is delightful... though I don't know how well either of us did at motivation that morning. :) I took a NAP! Then I started a new book called Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry. HE IS PHENOMENAL! And is probably now my 2nd fave author; 1st in my heart will always be Chaim Potok! I used to say that I didn't like fiction books, but I am coming to realize that it is more accurate to say that I only like a certain kind of fiction book. No offense to Janette, but A Gown of Spanish Lace just doesn't do it for me anymore.
On Sunday I made cosmic brownies and ate the batter while watching the Goonies. Everyone I know loves it and was appalled that I had not seen it. I tried to like it, but I don't think I really "got" it. Maybe it is one of those things you can only appreciate in it's nostalgia from your own childhood. Admittedly though, the truffle shuffle made me laugh out loud.
Monday it was glorious to sleep in until 8:30am! (Who am I right now??? How did I ever sleep till 11am before?) I quietly read on the porch for awhile and then went to Jolanda's house for BBQ. She is an incredible host- so generous. There were ribs and potato salad and baked beans and corn on the cob and chicken and hot dogs and all was delicious! She said that she is the "Big Momma" of the family and the church and her block. I'm so thankful to be a part of her family. Also I went to the Garfield Park Conservatory for awhile. I journaled in the outdoor garden and enjoyed the cool breeze and blew bubbles. :) Don't judge me, I love bubbles! That night I was on the porch for over 2 hours... I had intended to read, but then all the craziness was going on and I found myself distracted by prayer instead.
All those details to say that I should have been rested and energized and ready for such a short week ahead, but sadly that wasn't quite the case. I was troubled and couldn't get my mind to slow down. I was anxious and worried and disappointed and fearful and angry. I had all these expectations for my day off (as if I was never to have a holiday again) and instead of enjoying it; I found myself restless to figure out what to do with myself. I was wrestling with the Lord to have peace about things that are beyond my control and understanding. I was grieving not being able to call my Grandpa on his birthday. I was needy and lonely and sensitive. The whole weekend felt like a night when you are so unbelievably tired but cannot find sleep.
The story of Jonah popped into my head when I was at the park and I read it over. God was good to convict me about how the story ends. With a plant generously provided to be a covering that shrivels and how strong Jonah responds to that. He throws a fit of entitlement out of ignorance which was much the same of what I had been doing all weekend. I'm also thankful for a good conversation with Joscey later at the BBQ and the assurance I have of her prayers on behalf of my wounded heart. The body of Christ is pretty cool like that.
Tuesday (you know, the day I had to go back to work) was such a blessing though- and nothing to dread really at all. My roommate gave me a ride to work in the morning. A totally unexpected surprise! At lunch, I heard a beautiful engagement story from this weekend. Totally an encouragement to hear how they have both walked this road so faithfully looking to Jesus! At the end of the day, Kaitlyn came by and we chatted for awhile then went swimming together. It was so much fun and I loved laughing with her and confessing some of my silliest and most profound thoughts from the weekend! I bought a coloring book on the way home- a beautiful adult one from Paper Source. I sat on the front porch eating dinner and reading. Then I colored while listening to the entirety of "Behold the Lamb." I got into bed as the last song played at 9:10pm and went to sleep overjoyed at the GOSPEL!!
Once I heard Steve Arterburn say how glad he was when he realized that not only were the things in the Bible true, but that what was true in life was in the Bible. The weight of relief from experiencing that firsthand was heavy on me last night. There really is no man's affirmation or best friend's listening ear or chocolate delight that can satisfy me in the deepest parts. It is only Jesus Who can meet me there in that brokenness. He can SEE me and UNDERSTAND me and HEAL me- all the things I am so desperately longing for and restless about. Though He may be a Spirit, He somehow in reality touches us. What a mystery! I don't know why I always am doubting this truth...and subsequently needing to re-experience it. Glory to Jesus that He is all our Hope and Peace!
I am so grateful to be free of the many things that were tangling me up this weekend. I felt a joy this morning and a rest that was so refreshing to my soul (even if it was not on my day off). This morning on the way across the plaza to my office, I passed a sprinkler with a pathetic drizzle on the lawn. I noticed a little robin playfully standing under the spray that was gentle enough for it and I laughed out loud. It looked right at me as if it knew the reason I was laughing and disapproved. I am after all the girl who was blowing bubbles in the park this weekend! hahaha
Also, 10 Million bonus points to me for beginning this post with the word "Physically." :)
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
More than a block party
Things on my block have been insane tonight. I'll spare you the details (for my Mom's sake), but it was a crazy place for a couple of hours. I had intended to read, which I did a bit of, but then couldn't helped but be sucked in by all that was going on around me.
It's not a movie, it's not a game- this is real and sobering and found myself crying out to the LORD on behalf of this place. I felt helpless to do anything more than that and I am trusting that our all-wise, all-powerful God is at work on this block.
BRING YOUR FREEDOM & PEACE LORD JESUS!
Remember my block in your prayers please... we need Jesus here.
It's not a movie, it's not a game- this is real and sobering and found myself crying out to the LORD on behalf of this place. I felt helpless to do anything more than that and I am trusting that our all-wise, all-powerful God is at work on this block.
BRING YOUR FREEDOM & PEACE LORD JESUS!
Remember my block in your prayers please... we need Jesus here.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Lost and Found
Most of the things I lose are not really a big deal. In fact sometimes I even forget that I had them to begin with and it's more like getting something new if I find them. On a few occasions I have lost something precious.
The Metal Momma I made in high school. My vanity compelled me to enter it in an art show I wasn't attending and the art teacher,Pastor Joe's nuttiness compelled him to lose it. I worked so hard on that piece and my Mom loved it so much and I grieve every now and then that it is gone.
A bone ring from Kenya. I gave it to a boy I thought I would love forever and every now and then I grieve that the boy and the ring are not in my life.
A boldly striped sweater. I looked pretty awesome in that sweater, but it got stolen in the laundry room at college. It probably wasn't intentional, but sometimes when I don't know what to wear I grieve that sweet little number is not around.
My balance. When I was 8.... hahaha just kidding. (For all those who don't know why that is funny- I remember everything from my childhood at age 8 for some reason. It was a really significant year apparently!) I was younger than that though when I fell down the steps at my grandparents house. I tumbled (a little less impressively than MacGyver) and broke my arm. To this day my Uncle Ted teases me if I have found my balance yet.
My Michigan license. It was a significant day when I got a Illinois license. (And not just because they print your weight on the front-ick! A man had to have thought of that)I miss saying that I belong in Pure Michigan. Maybe it wasn't my 16 year old self photo that I was so attached to, just my status as being from somewhere where everyone knew my name.... like Cheers... wow! I am so unbelievably full of cliches today.
Anyway, I started thinking about this idea of things lost because last week I lost my silver ring I bought in India. It wasn't expensive, but it was ultra symbolic of the Lord's incredible hand of protection and provision during those 6 weeks and also a replacement in a way of the ring I mentioned above. Admittedly I cried over this little guy and I dug through the women's locker room trash and I prayed about it. At the pool, I gave myself 50 versions of the same pep talk about God's promises remaining despite the physical evidence being lost. When I got back to my office, it was gleaming on the floor in front of my closet. My heart did this funny kind of flip flop and I literally shouted outloud for joy. My thanksgiving was deeply genuine and I may have included a little hop too.
This week I was also reading in Luke the parables about the coin and the lamb and the son that were lost, then found. (Flashback to a Sunday school lesson series with these stories illustrated completely in shades blue and white.) It was an encouragement to imagine the joy there is being found in Christ, especially if finding such a small trinket could cause such a stirring.
I am so grateful that IN HIM I am found and known and loved and forgiven- ETERNALLY!
The Metal Momma I made in high school. My vanity compelled me to enter it in an art show I wasn't attending and the art teacher,Pastor Joe's nuttiness compelled him to lose it. I worked so hard on that piece and my Mom loved it so much and I grieve every now and then that it is gone.
A bone ring from Kenya. I gave it to a boy I thought I would love forever and every now and then I grieve that the boy and the ring are not in my life.
A boldly striped sweater. I looked pretty awesome in that sweater, but it got stolen in the laundry room at college. It probably wasn't intentional, but sometimes when I don't know what to wear I grieve that sweet little number is not around.
My balance. When I was 8.... hahaha just kidding. (For all those who don't know why that is funny- I remember everything from my childhood at age 8 for some reason. It was a really significant year apparently!) I was younger than that though when I fell down the steps at my grandparents house. I tumbled (a little less impressively than MacGyver) and broke my arm. To this day my Uncle Ted teases me if I have found my balance yet.
My Michigan license. It was a significant day when I got a Illinois license. (And not just because they print your weight on the front-ick! A man had to have thought of that)I miss saying that I belong in Pure Michigan. Maybe it wasn't my 16 year old self photo that I was so attached to, just my status as being from somewhere where everyone knew my name.... like Cheers... wow! I am so unbelievably full of cliches today.
Anyway, I started thinking about this idea of things lost because last week I lost my silver ring I bought in India. It wasn't expensive, but it was ultra symbolic of the Lord's incredible hand of protection and provision during those 6 weeks and also a replacement in a way of the ring I mentioned above. Admittedly I cried over this little guy and I dug through the women's locker room trash and I prayed about it. At the pool, I gave myself 50 versions of the same pep talk about God's promises remaining despite the physical evidence being lost. When I got back to my office, it was gleaming on the floor in front of my closet. My heart did this funny kind of flip flop and I literally shouted outloud for joy. My thanksgiving was deeply genuine and I may have included a little hop too.
This week I was also reading in Luke the parables about the coin and the lamb and the son that were lost, then found. (Flashback to a Sunday school lesson series with these stories illustrated completely in shades blue and white.) It was an encouragement to imagine the joy there is being found in Christ, especially if finding such a small trinket could cause such a stirring.
I am so grateful that IN HIM I am found and known and loved and forgiven- ETERNALLY!
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