Grieving Outsider/Insider

When I got home from work on Wednesday, there were cops everywhere and looking through the windows of parked cars with their flashlights and a tow truck picking up a van. I didn't know what happened, but I knew it was something bad. I later found out that a man had been shot and killed just across the corner of 19th and Troy.

I felt a particular grief that I live so close to the place this violence happened. A violence that not only took this man's life but also left families and friends who knew him (grew up with him) grieving. Those people are my neighbors that I say hi to in passing, wait for the el with, care about and pray for, but I don't really know them...I didn't know Johnny Henderson.

I wanted to express my solidarity with my neighbors- that this was our community's grief. At the same time though, I felt like I didn't have a right to grieve for someone I didn't know, whose life didn't intersect with mine, whose experiences didn't come from the same world. I didn't want to disrespect their deep grief by pretending I was going through the same thing- because I'm not. I also didn't want to disrespect my commitment to this place by pretending it did not affect me- because it does.

So I bought a cheesecake and walked down the block to the memorial that had been set up. There were red heart balloons and a poster board of pictures around the tree; candles and empty liquor bottles at the base of it. I offered my condolences and prayers for the family and my cheesecake. I offered to pray with a couple people, but no one took me up on it. I talked with a couple guys about their friendship with Johnny and the things that cause this kind of thing in our neighborhood. And then I left.

What does it really look like to be a caring neighbor? To be a part of a community different from the one you grew up in? How can I have any kind of relationship or make any kind of difference in the lives of these men who are aching to prove themselves? How can I demonstrate light and hope and truth? How do I remain open when all I want to do is hide from this ugly reality?

Silly as that cheesecake was, I didn't know how else to express my sadness and love for my neighbors. I didn't know how else to offer my presence and with it the hope of Jesus. I wish I would have wrote a card or Bible verse or something too, but I didn't really think of that until after the fact. I feel so small and insignificant in the midst of so many layers of pain and brokenness, but I serve a God who is more than able to do more than I can ask or think, who is enough to fill this deep sadness and give new life and hope to those who call on His name.
 
His name is above every name
His authority is limitless
His holiness is supreme
His love is immeasurable
His wisdom is infinite
His strength is unmatched
His truth is powerful
His healing is complete
His victory over sin and death is sure
 
I invite His presence here...to Chicago, to Lawndale, to 19 & Troy....
And look forward to the day when our faith shall be made sight!