So recently these kids have been coming over that Kaitlyn and Joe tutored this past year. At first they were just coming for a sandwich now and again but now they have been coming more often and staying longer. We talk and let them use the computer and play spoons and last night we made dinner and Heather tries to teach us all how to say "Heeeeeeeeeee-lll-oooooooo!" :)
It was so so so so fun! They really took ownership of the whole project and made everything from the garlic bread to the lasagna to the cakes. It was harder for me than I thought it would be to let them do things instead of just "showing" them. They wanted to surprise Joe with the meal they had made and it was really cute to see how proud they were of the whole meal- they even folded the napkins special!
Tonight I was walking up to the soccer field by Moody to talk to Dave and Joscey for a little bit. I ran into the girls and they came to hang out with me. We had to leave after they were yelling names like "ugly" at the Peruvian National Soccer team coaches. (OK, girls... and you're done!) :) After grabbing some pizza and hot wings at Domino's we came back to the apartment to eat and play spoons. I asked the girls some questions hoping to dig deeper and get to know them better- like their proudest moment and their saddest moment and their most embarrassing moment. (OK, so maybe the last one was my lame excuse to share my own most embarrassing moment: Pooping my culottes at age 12 at a family reunion. As if the Raggedy Ann culottes were not enough!) Their honesty with me was an honor. We talked about death and if we feared it or not and why. One of the girls brought up a Bible lesson about all the things in Heaven and how she wanted to go there. I'm praying for opportunities to talk about this with the girls again. I'm sure they have heard the Gospel before, but it'd be great to keep bringing up truth with them.
I'm actually really excited about how this whole thing has come about. Since graduating I feel like it has been whirlwind to just settle down and get a bearing on my life and a routine. There have been hard times like when Grandpa died that left me weak and exhausted. Now I finally feel in a strong place by the grace of God. I have wanted to be involved in the community and yet the downtown area seem so daunting. I didn't want to go into a community like Cabrini having no connections and try to 'help'- Who am I? The Lord sending these kids over here for food and time has been an answer to prayer. It's cool to have built these relationships with the kids, even in a couple weeks that can continue to grow as they do.
Most of the "ministry" that I have done has been highly structured. CEF 5 Day clubs especially. I love CEF- they taught me how to make theology simple for kids, taught me the basics of how to share the Gospel. Now though, with that foundation I am learning to use it in a new way. An informal way. That is so much harder for some reason. When kids come to a 5 Day Club, they expect you to direct games and tell stories and sing songs and it's very natural to share about Jesus in that situation. It's a little more tricky when the kids (with hot sauce dripping from their fingers) are giving you "relationship advice" and also telling you about their brother who was killed. How do you LINK (For all those not in CEF: Little phrase In the lesson Naturally connecting Kids and truth) into a gospel truth in those moments? I'm not saying it's not possible, but surely it is. I'm just saying, I am learning how and consequently really abrupt at it. In fact, I really think if I could watch the whole thing on video I would laugh at my attempts to relate with them and smoothly bring up Jesus. How thankful I am that God is faithful and uses my stumbling attempts to communicate with these kids how awesome He is.
The past few days I have been feeling haunted by familiar sins and struggles. I have been weak and tired. It's strange what can happen to your logic when you are in any kind of pain. Somehow the right things don't seem nearly as realistic as the easy things. I've been running to "safe" lies; telling myself that even though they may not turn out so good, at least they don't surprise me. Tonight as I was hanging out with these girls I felt like the Lord was shouting "heeeeeeeeee-llll-ooooooooooo!" If I believe He is big enough and true enough and loving enough for these girls, why would I act otherwise in my own life? Why would I want to pollute my life with things I don't want to see in theirs? There was a weight of realizing how fragile my role in their life can be. If I want them to see Jesus, why would I let all this other stuff crowd in the way?
Heeeeeeeee-lllllllll-oooooooooooooo!
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