The Sunday before the Monday I do not have to go to work!

What a great Sunday, this Sunday is!

Hung out with the church fam for awhile.
(Getting excited for the upcoming architectural tour we are planning to take)

Shaved my legs
(Looking forward to our new bathroom/humongous shower in June!)

Watched a Gene Kelly documentary.
(I know I am nerdy, but that man is S'Wonderful!)

Enjoyed fireworks down at the beach.
(It ended with some real sparkly ones... I love sparkles!)

Saw a mannequin with a wedgy.
(Trying not to think too much about how that is possible)

Ate Pockets.
(Ordered 3 ranch dressings just so I could save some extra for later)

Talked to Jaimie for awhile.
(There is something very satisfying about being friends with someone long enough to see eachothers flaws and love them all the more!)

Remembered that my drivers license says "Sluperior St." instead of Superior.
(I think it is pretty accurate though- the street where I get "Slu"rpees--Huh???Huh??)

Laughed at some drunk white girls on a balcony.
(Serenading the passersby with a rap "sing-a'long")

Made plans to have brunch tomorrow with some of my fave boys ever!
(Joe and Justin)

Fish for Dinner

Yesterday was May 22, 2009.

I got up, showered and was off to work like normal. Boss was working out of the office- finishing up a big project. I was running around doing research for him and emailing the sources I found. It was good to be busy and for something that matters. After work I wanted to go home and sleep for days. (Apparently staying up until 1am the night before and not sleeping very restfully was now taking it's tole.) However, I had this mental image of Darlene's face flashing in my mind; so I went to the gym to swim instead. There is something satisfying about jumping into a cold pool. By the end of my workout, I felt refreshed, accomplished and glad I went. On the way home, I ran into a couple friends in town for an old roommate's wedding. It was so good to see them and hear about the twists their lives have taken since graduation last year. I left them smiling and strangely craving Fish and Chips for dinner! Bizarre right?

Well, I started walking around... tying to think of a place whose fish I would trust but wasn't "sit down" (dining alone is one of my biggest fears). And I could come up with nothing! I walked a few blocks then doubled back thinking how ridiculous I was for walking all around in search of a plate of Fish and Chips. "I have food at home" I reasoned... Darlene would certainly approve of me eating a salad at home... and the money... "I surely don't need to spend the money... not to dine out by myself!" Mysteriously compelled, 20 minutes later I found myself sitting down at Rock Bottom where Lauren was my server. Having to tell the host that it was "just me" was rough and somehow thought this was an exercise in singleness; some sort of test from the Lord to learn to depend on His presence. As Lauren put my order of Fish and Chips in though, my eyes welled up with tears remembering it was the 6 month anniversary of my grandpa's death.

A flood of memories came back of Grandpa and Grandma and me sitting down to dinner at restaurant in Saint Clair Shores. Once I ordered Fish and Chips and my Grandpa made fun of me- saying how much he hated the smell of fish, but he would let his "little girl" get it anyway. From that point forward I don't think I ordered anything but Fish and Chips. It became our little joke and I couldn't help but laugh as the fish oil sunk into my finger tips. How appropriate! And truly not how I ever would have thought to commemorate the day.

I sat there through several refills of water, writing furiously in my notepad about my thoughts and feelings. Poor Lauren probably thought I was doing some sort of restaurant review or something! I left him a note with the check explaining the significance of the night, thanking him for being so nice and that my grandpa would have really liked him. (Yes, I really did leave him a note. No, it did not include my phone number. ) Of course, Journey sang "Don't Stop Believin" as I paid. No worries, I left Lauren a big tip. :)

For awhile that night I wept from the deepest place in me. In those moments, I felt convinced that nothing could be right ever again... A chapter about the strength and power of the name of Jesus came to mind from the latest book I read. At first it felt kinda silly to say His name with no request attached, but there was comfort in knowing that He was with me. More comfort than my words alone can explain. I played a Cedarville College recording from about 8 years ago and this line seems to resonate my heart "Many things about tomorrow, I may not seem to understand, but I know Who holds tomorrow and I know Who holds my hand...His presence goes before me, and I'm covered by His blood..."

Again I found that I had no options about who to run to or not.... all my friends were gone. :) So I ran into the everlasting arms of my Big Papa God. And found him there- big enough to hear me, to comfort me, to be my stability. I spent the end of my night out at the beach watching the waves crash onto the beach. I love the sound and sense of smallness I feel at the lake. (Though we should probably not mention it to my parents that I was there alone in the dark!)

LORD,
Thank You for giving me so many years with Grandpa! Thank you for his stories. Thank you for saving him and changing him. Thank you for the assurance that he is with You right now. I'm so grateful for all the jokes and time spent together; for all the life lessons and projects we worked on in the garage together; and for all the times I ate fish and chips with him too!

Let His Heart Guide Yours!

Thanks to Alli for this master stroke!
Here's a few faves from "my" profile. :) HAHA!

Body art:
I have other hidden piercings;
I have hidden tattoos.

Which of the following descriptions most closely expresses your religious views/preferences:
Seventh-day Adventists

I speak these languages:
African languages;
American Sign Language;
Polish.

My current situation regarding pets:
I have reptile(s);
I have a fish aquarium;
I am allergic to animal dander.

Sports I enjoy watching (in person or on TV):
Billiards, pool;
Bowling;
Hockey;
Martial Arts.

Sports I enjoy participating in:
Dancing;
Racquet sports;
Swimming.

I am in a:
Band

Some of my interests / activities that I enjoy are:
Opera;
Church activities;
Hobbies, crafts, collections;
Antiques;
Business networking/MLM;
Scrapbooking;
Versify. (I don't even know what this is!!!!)

Regarding water activities, I like:
Fishing;
Scuba diving.

What I watch most often on TV:
Soaps

My favorite styles of music are:
Contemporary Christian;
Heavy metal;
Cajun / Zydeco;
Native American;
Show tunes.

My favorite local hot spot is:
Toes

My three favorite songs are:
1.Do You Believe in Love After Love (Cher);
2.I Love Technology (Napoleon Dynamite);
3.Just Around the Riverbend (Pocahontas).

Other than music, a sound I like is:
Pollution

A sound I dislike is:
Children's Laughter

I have a strong allegiance to:
Obama and the GOP

Type of movie I do NOT enjoy:
Ones that come out of the mire of Hollywood

I prefer the beauty of:
Rainbows

Some people might think there are too many _______(s) in my home, but I like having them:
Gnomes

My favorite holiday is:
Christopher Columbus Day
because:
in 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue

Something I tend to procrastinate doing because I don't like doing it is:
Bathing

My favorite comedy movie is:
Veggie Tales

The movie that I think best displays how I want love / romance to be in my own life is:
The Godfather

Something I like and wish I were better at doing is:
Clogging

Something I really dislike doing is:
The sun stare

I feel:
Safer because of rules

My favorite flower is:
Cactus flower

Someone I admire who has been a world leader during the last 50 years is:
George W Bush
because:
he wasn't Bill Clinton

The country I would most like to visit is:
Nova Scotia
because:
to meet Gilbert Blythe

My favorite male singer is:
Clay Aiken

My favorite female singer is:
Shakira

The trait I most value in men is:
Ability to sprout hair

The trait I most value in women is:
Our discernment

The kind of people I dislike are people who:
Litter bugs

The kind of books I most enjoy reading are:
Career-related information;
Sci Fi;
Romance.

I read my Bible:
Usually just at Christmas or Easter

My favorite old hymn is:
This Little Light of Mine

The Bible character I am most like is:
Jepthah
because:
don't ask

I get inspired, when I see:
Men!

When it comes to decision-making for a couple:
I consider both people's opinions/desires but ultimately believe the decision should be decided by the man as head of the family

The Christian Web sites I visit at least once a month are:
helpmeiamsingle.com

A description of my idea of a Christian husband is (answer, regardless of whether you are male or a female):
Hairy!!

A description of my idea of a Christian wife is (answer, regardless of whether you are male or a female):
Submissive

My first response to trouble is usually:
how did i get into this mess?

My second response to trouble is usually:
who can i blame it on? (Alli)

I believe a couple talking together about relationship problems:
Can create new problems

The top three influences I pay attention to when I form an opinion on an important issue:
1.People Magazine;
2.Sexy Wechsey;
3.Papa Shaw.

I have been a Christian:
For more than 20 years

The percentage of my social activities and friends revolve around church approximately is:
93%

The most recent Christian book I read (or am currently reading), other than the Bible is:
The KJV, only

The Christian magazines (either print or online) I read on a regular basis are:
Clubhouse Jr.

I am involved in the following leadership positions in my church:
Potluck Planner


Here is a description of how I met my best friend:
we met our first day of undergrad

What I like most of all about my best friend is:
She is ssssssssssssso ssssssssso funny! (She definitely got this one right!)

I love men!

Probably you're thinking that this post is going to contain my latest singles ad or something. (SWF seeking SHM...think about it!) HOWEVER, that is not the intent of this post.

I love my Dad
For some reason my sister's relationship/engagement has also really shaken how I feel about my relationship with my Dad. I am a bizarre tangle of emotions sometimes. The only thing I can really figure is that much of my connection with my Dad I find in fact that I am the oldest and we have spent a fair bit of time figuring stuff out together. I tried once or twice on Saturday but I wasn't really feeling too brave. Finally on phone call #3 I was ready; weeping with battery of questions like: "Are you proud of me?" Do you think I'm a failure?" Questions like these that are totally absurd- especially if you know my Dad! He loves each of his girls like crazy! I really needed to hear his reassurance though.

It was such a good conversation because my Dad made me feel so safe. That I could be as needy as I wanted and he would just take care of me. I feel that is an inadequate description, but needless to say it is much different than the kind of "taking care" your Mom does when you're sick. That's one reason I really love my Dad. I love his strength and bravery and "linebacker-ness" (I quite possible just made up that word!)

I love Pastors
Also, here at MBI there are rather ALOT of men this week for Pastor's Conference. Basically there has not been a place with this much plaid, khakis, belts and loafers since I don't know when! I passed by the auditorium when they were singing praise songs yesterday. There was something about it that gave me goosebumps....a bunch of Pastors who are no doubt exhausted finding refuge in their God together. Also, it's a bonus that the whole campus smells like cologne and aftershave. :) I think it would be super great to work in a place that took care of tired Pastors.... maybe like a bed and breakfast retreat, maybe like planning conferences to refresh them, maybe like making fresh new resources more available especially to pastors of churches overseas, the possibilities are ENDLESS.....

I love all men
Also I like the jokes men tell. Most of which are CEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESEY! I love that they throw it out there and are delighted when/if you laugh.

Also, I like that men understand and appreciate the Godfather. Kaits and I started watching it last night. We had it at our house for 3 weeks! It was time to watch it and send it back to Netflix. We started it real excited, but the beginning is slow.... no offense Brando, but you're (ehhhhh.. scratch, scratch my chin) killing me! Violence is addictive and I was getting into it- even found a couple quotable lines. Kaits was real tired and fell asleep so I ended up turning it off. I feel like it is the kind of movie meant to be experienced with someone else you know? I do want to finish it sometime; with a man though I think. The "You've Got Mail" version of the Godfather is probably good enough for me, but I love to watch when men really get into something and am always surprised by the significance or humor they see in things. Confession: Despite not being quite so Italian as the Corleone's, I felt proud to be Italian and even have some Sicilian blood in me. Glad that I come from a place that appreciates a good cannoli and that I knew what an insult it is to call someone a "dego." (Thanks Grandpa!)


Random News From Me Since My Last Post:
I got a twitter (I don't know why- probably because Joe told me to)!
I say things backwards (ie-13 x 9 pan)!
I have a hair on my chin that is driving me crazy right now because it needs to be plucked!
I don't know why everything is so exciting (ie- all the exclamation points)!

DESK DRAWERS

I cleaned out my desk in preparation for the move across the plaza to my new job, boss and office and here's what I found:


A rubber band ball
Pretty normal office item, but so fun!




My spare Moody ID
Would never want to be caught without wearing one of these babies "in the zone!"




Variety of hand lotions
To help the office aroma after I have downed an everything bagel.

Here's where it starts to get bizarre!

A purple purse
I used to store important papers in this while I was living as a nomad!




Important Papers
Such as my rental agreement with Public Storage!




And a Mailer from Dwight Edwards himself-the man, the legend!

And the scrap of paper I was "taking a message" on when he called me that one time!

Travel Guides for Nova Scotia

Let's just say I was ready to leave at a moments notice- with or without Dr. Hockey!

A Dirty Plate

Look familar Abbey??? This is from last summer when I was eating Italian sausage for evey meal.... It really seemed like such a good idea at the time!

Charles in Charge, Scott Baio and Bob Loblaw

We had alot of workout videos in my house growing up. Sweatin' to the Oldies, Tony Little, God's Kids, and some other doosies. The most motivational one featured Scott Baio as the host. I don't remember the name of it, but you had to move like spaghetti and balance a bean bag and other fun things.

A couple weeks ago I discovered that http://www.nbc.com/ has old episodes of "Charles in Charge" available to watch. I loved that show when I was little! What could be better than Scott Baio every afternoon? Here's a little known trivia fact about Charles in Charge that I know thanks to my mother: The guy who played Charles' best friend "Buddy" got saved and now plays the part of 'Bibleman.'

Well, last night, as Adam and I were watching Arrested Development... Bob Loblaw came on.... who is none other than Scott Baio! It was such a hysterical surprise!

The One Where My Sister Gets Engaged

There once was a time when I was SUPER emotional all the time. (Maybe it seems that this is that one time, but believe me.... it was way worse! :) hahahaa.) Thankfully, that has balanced out a bit. I still have pretty deep emotional reactions to things, but I have learned to manage them for the most part. My timing about these emotional things could not be worse though; always when all my friends are gone! Somehow I am convinced that this is divine. Part of the Almighty's plan to keep me running to Him I think. Tricky.... but incredibly gracious on His part. :)

Today was the graduation at Moody Bible Institute. Liz, Weston, Sarah, Thom and some others I know and love graduated today. It was fun watching them walk across the stage. At one point, they asked for any alums of the Institute to stand.... and so I stood. WEIRD! One year since I graduated...How did that even happen??!! I was caught up in the emotion of standing among others who had graduated before me and whole legacy of SO many men and women over the decades serving the Lord faithfully. It really is SUCH an honor to be a grad of MBI. The speaker was Janet Parshall. She was good... a little politically intense for me, but that's her job I guess. It was ironic that I was so much more attentive this year to the speaker. Last year, I am embarrassed to say, that I fell asleep during my own graduation! As I sat there this year I was in crisis mode... "I am still in the same place it seems.... Mother Moody.... what am I doing with my life?" At least last year when I didn't know what I was doing, there was some comfort in the fact that I was just graduating and it would take time to settle-nobody expected me to have it all figured out yet. There is not as much grace for the alumni who doesn't have a vision and goals for the future. Oh man! Also there were a couple of references that Janet made to God changing the path her life was going to take- from international missions to advocacy in Washington D.C. I had a moment when she was talking about God's plan being better than the one you have set up that I thought, "Please no Lord.... are you seriously asking me to be single forever???" It was a comedic moment I sometimes have when I want to have at least some kind of calling-even if it's not my preference. I know that is not the real issue or question that needs to be answered. Right now God is asking me to be single for today, not for a lifetime. I cannot handle it when I think about it that way.

After graduation, I saw everyone long enough to give them hugs and then I left. It felt strange not to have a job or any responsibilities---last year was such a blur of packing and cleaning. It was sad though that so many of my friends were moving out and on with their lives. Liz moved to Grand Rapids today in fact. It is not so dramatic- like I will never see her again, but so sad-that I won't see her so much anymore.

Last night my sister got engaged. I almost cannot believe this even though it's been coming for a bit now.... My sister has a ring on her finger and is planning a wedding! I am so happy and excited for her, but it still seems surreal. When did we grow up? "Sunrise! Sunset!" haha. Lest I be dishonest, it has been rough for me the past few months to reckon that my sister is moving into a new phase of life before me. I never realized how important and precious it is to me that I am the oldest. In so many ways it is a sense of identity- I am the leader, the doer, the decision maker, etc. and here I am getting passed up by little sis. I guess I took for granted that accomplishing these rites of passage first would be my "birthright." Really though, I am not entitled to that timeline or even the events themselves. It is a loss though of sorts... yet one more example of how my life has not turned out the way I thought it would.

More than anything I am sure the Lord is holding out bread for me to eat tonight... He wants to provide for me; satisfy this very real hunger I have. And even though I love the sound of that, I am such a snob at heart. It seems that I would rather pig out on delights like chocolate and ice cream and cake- sugar that will make me sick right after it gives me a buzz.

It's a confusing thing for me because part of me wants to respond that it is an issue of value. That I don't value Jesus enough to not want anything else...sex, children, stability, etc. But the other part of me knows that there are plenty of people who love Jesus getting all those things. I'm just asking to be one of them! I want to wrap this up with some glorious revelation that will help millions of singles out there come to terms... but alas, I am stumped.

What would be wrong with the Lord providing a husband rather than shelter under His wings? What would be wrong with the Lord giving me a clear vision for the future rather than giving grace to wait patiently and walk one step at a time? What would be wrong with all my dear friends being called to the same city to do ministry and life together? I guess nothing... except that is obviously not God's plan for my life at the present. I can't help but be a little hurt about this... like a pouty child who wants dessert, but no dinner.

FORE!!!!

Today was the
Moody Golf Classic
It was for sure classic....Here are just a few classic moments:

#1. Waking up at 4:30am. Even for me, the Chicago ringtone doesn't sound as good that early in the morning. I figured since this is a schmoozing event I should look nice, so I even curled my hair.

#2. Driving an ASTRO VAN at 5:30am. When I first got to the parking garage I tried my keys on another blue mini-van. I really actually love mini-vans and was excited to drive one (albeit early). When the key would not turn the lock I looked around to see what other blue van the keys could possibly work on... and then I saw it! The blimp of all mini-vans.... the ASTRO VAN! There was a Moody logo pasted on the side just in case I wasn't getting enough attention too. I picked up a couple of volunteers at their hotel and trying to load their luggage I got completely soaked. Remember how I curled my hair- yeah- not so curly anymore. Now it was more of a matted tangle that was sticky with hairspray. AWESOME! That'll bring in the big bucks....! Ironically, having "done" my hair ended up making it look like I was a lazy louse who came to this event with morning hair. (Apparently my hair was a big deal today... notice the blog space it's getting. hahahha) The directions were out great, we got there on time, go team go!

#2 1/2. Registration. I don't have much to say about this - it was pretty basic. Someone yelled out a shirt size and I brought it over to the table. Gold Star! However, people kept trying to figure out their teams- referring to them as threesomes and foursomes. Couldn't they think of a bird name for the teams?? Maybe I am just immature, but I'm just saying... maybe someone should consider that!

#3. Witnessing the Hole in One. This title is deceptive. It might make you think that someone actually sunk one- a birdie, an eagle, a silver hawk, I have no idea what their called.... but some kind of fowl. Oh no... there were no "fowls" to be had. BUT if someone did make it- I had to confirm that it was for real before they got the prize (a Harley Davidson Motorcycle). So, they gave me my own golf cart (see #4- Driving a Golf Cart) to sit in at the tee. I sat there all day and read my book or watched the beautiful nature I was a part of or yucked it up with the fellas or text Joe who was having a super miserable train ride. It was great! Except for the fact that it was raining torrentially. Oh yeah- you should have seen these guys out there trying to have fun while the rain came down in sheets. These men must really love Moody or golf or both to stick it out all day like they did. I could not have been prouder to be associated with Moody. I'd like to say thanks to a cart, an umbrella and a blanket that kept me pretty dry. "Thanks cart, umbrella and blanket. " (For you Latawnya)

#4. Driving a Golf Cart. IS SO MUCH FUN! If I had a list of things I want to do sometime in my life; driving a golf cart would for sure be on it. And now I can cross it off!!!!!! Hip-Hip-Hooray! This summer I want my Dad to take me golfing. I will drive and he can "teach me" how to golf. I don't really want to know how to play so much. It takes skill and all, but it's so.... nice. No one gets hurt or dirty.... maybe I am just a barbarian.

#5. Cuddling in the Cart. If right now you think you know what I am about to write, I promise you--- you don't! I had no idea what was coming. After the rain had taken a brief intermission a "threesome" stopped by Red #8. One of the men saw my blanket and asked if he could cuddle with me. I laughed- surely he was joking. Surely I was WRONG! He came around the other side of the cart and got in, under the blanket and we sat shoulder to shoulder, while his teammates waited for the previous group to clear the green and while they took their shots. There is no small talk manual for making small talk while cuddling in a golf cart with a soggy stranger... "uhhhh... staying dry? hahahahha" "I wish! hahahaha." (please re-read in slow motion) I have no doubt this man's intentions were above board, but REALLY????? REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????

#6. Clapping for Award Winners. Everyone gathered at the clubhouse for the prizes to be handed out. (drawings and silent auctions, etc.) Several people had left and right off the bat their names were being called for prizes. Well, since you have to 'be present to win' they kept calling names till they found a faithful golfer. Great for them, but it didn't really give people much confidence to start clapping when a name was called. It evolved into the most inconsistent group of clappers I have ever heard. There would be someone's name called who everyone knew and could see and there would be an epidemic of clapping all the sudden. Then some other man who no one knew, who was sitting in the back and had a very difficult name to pronounce was called and everyone kinda did the "raising hand, but then--- just kidding! brushing my hair down in back" kinda move. So I was trying to inspire a little more consistency- shouting OPA! at random and clapping through the announcment of the name- I figured that we should just keep a perpetual clap going ... to be fair.

Some other things may have occurred on the way home. Driving in the Dairy Queen exit (you know the ones that are narrow, curved and lined with cement borders) and then pulling up to the pay window to order. Seeing a mother goose walk her baby geese across the road in real life. You know... things like this. We made it home safe and sound though. CLASSIC!

Ode to Dr. Hockey

Today I had my last appointment with Dr. Hockey. Blondie was back. She was laughing at EVERYTHING he said. I know because I could hear her through the wall. Believe me ladies, he's not that funny! He must really have a thing for blondes because I was getting absolutely no responses... questions about the weekend... nothing. Well, I guess it had to end sometime.
So Dr. Hockey- I dedicate this song to you tonight. Maybe Delilah will play it for us...

IF EVER YOU'RE IN MY ARMS AGAIN (Peabo Bryson)
It all came so easy, all the loving you gave me

The feelings we shared, and I still can remember

How your touch was so tender, it told me you cared

We had a once in a lifetime

But I just couldn't see, until it was gone

A second once in a lifetime, may be too much to ask

But I swear from now on

Chorus:

If ever you're in my arms again

This time I'll love you much better

If ever you're in my arms again

This time I'll hold you forever

This time will never end

Now I'm seeing clearly

How I still need you near me I still love you so

There's something between us

That won't ever leave us

There's no letting go

We had a once in a lifetime

But I just didn't know it

Till my life fell apart

A second once in a lifetime

Isn't too much to ask

'Cause I swear from the heart

Chorus
The best of romances, deserve second chances
I'll get to you somehow
'Cause I promise now

Bread of Life

Saturday night after the adventures out in nature I made Puppy Chow to take as a treat to church. Happy Mother's Day- your children will have so much sugar in them they'll be bouncing off the walls. Yeah, obviously I don't have children and didn't really think that one through. Oops! Saturday night I ate so much of it I made myself literally SICK!

Sunday's topic was about Jesus and how significant it was the He is the Bread of Life. (I really love this eternal God truth..... It's not that He was the Bread of Life, but truly- HE IS!) We talked about how we need a bread that satisfies; one that doesn't leave us hungry; one that permanently nourishes our soul. The lesson was so appropriate given the lingering pain in the pit of my stomach. No matter how much puppy chow I ate- I got hungry again. No matter how delicious it was (and let me tell you it was delicious!)- it didn't totally satisfy.

Dave brought up the example of the people of Israel and their complete dependence on God for him to provide Manna when they were wandering in the wilderness. I had never really thought about it that way before... as a normal person listening to Moses telling us to follow him out into the wilderness and God would take care of us. For someone as detail oriented and plan-ahead as I am, the sheer logistics of this whole operation would have kept me from following. Sad really. Sad not only because I would have missed out on such miraculous provision then; but also sad because I know that I do that now too. In order to experience that kind of provision the Israelites were in a position of need. I don't find myself like this very often. Well, I guess I tend to think about being in need as needing money. But I don't think that's really the only way God can provide for us. It just seems to be the most easy concrete example to use all the time.

I do find myself in need all the time really. In need of a hug, or in need of comfort, in need of a rebuke, in need of a laugh, and on and on. I was convicted that I always go to others for those things. And I just wonder if that is "sugar" is eating away at my spiritual stomach instead of nourishing me like "bread" in the deepest part.

It also made me wonder about the line between trust and wisdom. Right now we are in a tough economic time, right? And everyone's advice is to save up, store up-- be wise! I feel conflicted about this- why should my money (I know- we're back to this!) sit in the bank when it could be helping someone. But then when I find myself "in need," I would probably say "Why wasn't I saving?" I know everyone else would be. :) I think about this alot... especially at the end of the month, right before pay day when I want to justify a pedicure or something. It's terrible logic I know. I KNOW! But seriously, it would be an 'easy' way to drive myself to need the Lord in a tangible way if I could just be rid of it. And yet, even in that reasoning (noble as it may sound or not) there is every kind of selfish motivation. It's so much more acceptable to need the Lord when I'm a few bucks short than when I'm wishing I had someone to go to bed with. So much easier to need the Lord when I want to buy a gift for a friend than when I want to eat the largest pizza Dominos will deliver. So much easier to ask the Lord to feed me some bread to fill my stomach than to eat from the bread of Life.

I'm real tired of the Low-Carb living I seem to be content with. (C'mon- you gotta grant me some cheesiness!) I don't want to feel so sick to my stomach anymore.... I want to be satisfied.

I LOVE NATURE!

Pictures to compliment this post can be seen on my facebook page. :)

Now that Alli has a car (Edna), we thought that it was overdue to go visit our beloved nature in Naperville. :) It was grand! Time outside the city is such a treasure.... even if we weren't in the great outdoors the whole time.

We kicked our trip off by visiting the GAP. They were having a great sale.... and it made for some GREAT people watching. There was this little boy (maybe 7 or 8) who was informing his mother very aggressively that "this isn't Barnes and Noble!" What an observant child. :) While Alli shopped for bargains (with Bonafide Lovin' playing in the background), I perused the baby section. I have a good reason for going there now because my best friend from home (Noelle) just had a baby. Brooklyn Marie was born Friday afternoon and I am sure is the most incredibly lovely baby girl! It was one of the most exciting afternoons of my life- everyone that entered my office was informed of the event. I could not believe how excited I was.... you'd think I was having the baby or something! Seriously though, what a thrilling blessing- total celebration!!!!!!!!!!

There was a murder of geese out. Geese always remind me of my friend Dina and the way we met. When she was a student at NTBI in Jackson, MI she visited my church with the choir. Dina gave this incredible testimony about how the Lord was asking her to trust Him- just like the geese flying above the choir bus were that morning...even though their brains were SIGNIFICANTLY smaller. :) I love that story and so geese have always had an affectionate place in my heart. HOWEVER, I had no idea how much they poop! The sidewalk along the Riverwalk was splattered with green business. :(

There was a big hill of greeness that was so great to walk barefoot through..... It led to an ominous tower (kinda similar to Mordor from LOTR). It was trying to play the oldie "Yesterday." Ironically, on the bells it didn't have the same "ring" to it.

Being in nature for so long, Alli and I worked up quite an appetite. Ted's Montana Grill was our place of choice. We had to go back after such delicious food. This time we got to know the wait staff much better though. hahahhaha. There was Marsha dBrett and one that has become and forever will be known as Sweet Bottoms. There was another who thought we wanted to take him home because just as we were giggling he would pass by--- poor guy! We don't even know what his name is.

On the way home we thought we would stop by a Target. In November we had done the same thing and we thought we remebered the directions pretty well. On our 3rd try, down a road with a name of a president.... we finally found the way. The street before we had been pretty hopeful about and then we saw "DEAD END" ahead.

We headed back to the city with our fountain sodas.... oh NATURE... How we love thee! :)

Baby, Come to Me....

Baby, come to me, let me put my arms around you
This was meant to be and I'm oh so glad I found you
Need you ev'ry day, gotta have your love around me
Baby, always stay 'cause I can't go back to livin' without you

This song played while I was at Ho-Joe's this morning and now I cannot get it out of my head. For those of you without a Moody affiliation, Ho-Joe's is the restaurant part of the Howard Johnson hotel across the street where you can get a deliciously cheap breakfast. Kaits and I met Thom and Joe there. Thom is graduating next weekend and then moving back to PA. Sad- no more Fischy dance moves. (And seriously, whose ballroom dancing videos will I borrow?!?) :)

Maybe "Cheer Bear" is rubbing off on me, but I was much more alert than usual this morning. And totally amused with people watching, which is nothing new. Imagine a man in his mid-twenties, baseball cap, satchel, jeans and a blazer. (PS-who decided this was a good combo for men.....? It stresses me out. Are you dressed up or casual? Make up your mind!) He leaves our building and walks to Ho-Joe's... past Ho-Joe's and then back again. We decided he wanted to eat there, but turned away when he saw the "Cash Only" sign to find an ATM. We were all (with the exception of Joe who could care less about men in blazers looking for an ATM) sad that we would never know if we were right about the situation or not. A few minutes later I interrupt Thom to point across the street and triumphantly proclaim "He's coming back!" This made me break out into a fit of giggles. Why? I have no idea. The man came in and sat in the booth beside us. He had coke and scrambled eggs for breakfast and uses a Mac. I think he designs commercials- Joe thinks he is a murderer. Hopefully we never find out if we are right about that situation.

Yesterday my new boss called. He asked how I was, to which I responded, "Great! I'm wearing a new dress!" Pretty much all day that was my response to people- "Do you like my new dress?" "Isn't it sparkly?" "Watch me twirl!" I felt like I was 8 years old again... except that I wasn't like this at 8 years old. I was much too mature for these kinds of things. So pleased that I am recovering this delight I formerly forwent!

NOTE: You can never know the kind of effort that went in to selecting the word "forwent" and using it properly. Thanks to Alli who forgoed alot to help me forgoo!

Things that keep me awake at night........

I have trouble falling asleep at night. Always have. (Probably) Always will.

Most of the time it is just random thoughts that don't matter much- things that swirl around all day but I never take the time to think about-things that now have a captive audience in the quiet- things like how you make strussel topping or how you put together a kite from Oriental Trade the correct way. Sure, I could look these things up on the internet, but that would take all the fun out of going to bed wondering.

This week however has been worse than usual. Two nights this week I spent freaking out that one of my dearest friends was mad at me. I had no evidence to back up this claim- I just started to panic when I hadn't heard from her in more than 12 hours. :) hahaha. Way too long story, short- it was all for naught. She wasn't mad I was just being paranoid.

Last night I laid awake in bed and worried about technology. No, really- I did. It got to the point where I had to get up out of my bed and journal about it to get it out of my head. "How far do we let technology go?" I wrote. I am thankful for modern conveniences like running water and electricity, but when do you draw the line? It all started with those self check out lines at the grocery store. Most likely feeling guilty from my trip earlier that day. Soon though it escalated into something more like this- Why are they making a big machine for the Post Office that will someday eliminate 1000's of jobs? Especially in Michigan with the economy like it is- why would that be a good use of our resources?At the time, I really thought I was thinking grandiose thoughts- ones that would change the world.... but now, looking at this all typed out- I got no answers!

I'd really love to blame it on PMS, but that would be a wrongful conviction on Mother Nature. If I'm being any kind of honest, I would have to admit that change is a beast for me. It turns me into this irrational, emotional, every other kind of -tional there is! Graduation is approaching and some of my friends are moving away, others are moving on and still others just consumed with making it to that point. While I am so happy and excited for them, I am also scared... of losing those connections and the stability that comes with those familiar relationships.

On Sunday I was in the midst of being frazzled- too frazzled in fact to let the powerful truth we talked about sink down deep. Reflecting on it now I am awed at the tenderness of our God - speaking so clearly to me. We talked about the miracle of Jesus feeding the 5,000. I have heard this story alot- apparently not enough though. Dave talked about the response of the two disciples to Jesus and as an application; our response to the Lord. Sunday, I observed that Jesus wasn't asking them to live a fairy tale and pretend that 5 loaves and three fish could actually feed 5,000 people. Instead he was asking them to respond in faith that Jesus could and would do all things. This was comforting because I am such a 'realist.' However, reflecting on this I am now struck by the freedom that there is in that. Even though they were able to accurately assess the need, Jesus wasn't asking them to feed the people. Only He could do that. And by extension, the same is true of all these changes in my life. I had a frighteningly accurate picture of what was going on and was freaking out about it like Jesus was asking me to feed 5,000 people. No, He is asking me to respond in faith that He is gonna do all He promised, be Who He says He is, "do His thing!" in the situation. Ironically, there is such freedom in not being expected to do the miracle, to not have control, to not have the answers. Isn't that what we are always trying to get ahold of? That's what I have been grasping for all week- but it seems that it only blinded me to Jesus having His turn to do the feeding.

Kites: A Beautiful Disaster

Doesn't this picture look inspiring? Like just the thing you want to be doing on a brilliant Saturday afternoon with a bunch of well-behaved, care-free children? Well, I can vouch for the fact that achieving this is not as easy as it looks!

Saturday, I went with Kaitlyn and Joe to Cabrini Green to pick up some of the kids they tutor on Wednesdays and help take them to Mayor Daley's Kids and Kites Festival. Bless Kaits heart she put so much work into making this event awesome for the children. She packed them a lunch and got kite decorating supplies together and recruited volunteers. What a great gal that Kaits!

After waiting awhile for some kids to show up, we boarded a bright yellow school bus and headed to the park near Montrose Bay. The children informed me on the way that they saw a movie where there were sharks in the lake (not the Ocean, the Lake). One girl said, "There was this woman who cut her arm and then got into the water and was like 'Come to Momma'!!" So needless to say we avoided the water. :)

Our group of 17 (3 of which were 2 year olds, plus adults) were single handedly responsible for the littering crisis in this city. Every plastic bag the kites came in and other misc. parts that came with the kite were scattered across the lawn, steadily being blown closer and closer to the Shark's Lair (ie- Lake Michigan). The kids did pretty great decorating them, it was getting them up in the air that was a problem... mostly they just ended up dragging them around the littered lawn. hahahaaha! Well, we tried. There were some other activities for them- face painting and story bus, etc. so they were overall pretty happy with the trip.

I love how quick to love kids are. It was so fun to get lots of hugs and make crafts together and make silly faces and laugh and run to the porta-potties. :) I hope whatever happens in my future it invoves ALOT of kids. Somehow, by a miracle of God we got back safely with all 17 children and no shark attacks. Hooray!