Do you need some money?

When I rounded the corner on my way home Wednesday night there was a "welcoming committee". There were a couple men leaning on their car parked in front of my house. Judging from the way they were acting toward the ladies standing near them, the bottles they were holding onto were pretty empty.

One of the men called out to me- "Do you need any money?" When I turned to answer, he had pulled a WAD of cash out of his pocket and was waving it at me. "Are $100 bills OK? That's all I got." I smiled; this was a line I had not heard before!

He held out his hand and introduced himself as Ozzy, a relative of my neighbor across the street. I also introduced myself and then kept moving toward my porch. He asked how old I was...then tried to convince me that he was 35 and since that was pretty near to  26, we should go out some time. (This smooth operator was definitely not younger than 50 though, folks! :) For some puzzling reason I am a wild success in this age group.)

I went in the house, grabbed some dinner and headed back out the door to pick up girls for Bible Study. Ozzy was still out front. He pulled out his money again and questioned if I needed any. He told me he had a good job "building shit" for a living and he had plenty to share with me as long as I was OK with $100's.

A priceless cookie

The other day I stopped at Walgreens on my way home from work to grab a water bottle. It was so warm outside and you could tell the case had been picked all day by people trying to beat the heat. This man was looking through the glass at all of his water bottle options... hmmm. Water for $0.79 or water for $2? Tough choice, I know. I breezed passed him, grabbed the off brand and went on my way thinking I was really the bee's knees. The sun was out, I was about to be well hydrated and all seemed right with the world.

BUT THEN as I was standing on the el platform at Washington and Wells waiting for my pink line train, I suddenly had to "use it" with terrifying urgency. At first I was annoyed and tried to stand there in the vain hope that seeing the train would solve the problem. But standing there all I had was a flashback of me at age 12 at a family reunion. I was sporting my raggedy ann collouts and matching scrunchy; white canvas tie up shoes with brightly colored cuffed socks...you know...AWESOMENESS! I had the same feeling in my bowels then and ignored it to help my Aunt Judy spread out a picnic blanket. That story ended with me wrapped up in a trash bag in my parents minivan on the way to my granparents to launder those cool threads I was wearing. Total most embarrassing moment ever. And as I ran down the steps of the train station I was praying not to have an encore of it.

I found a Starbucks within a block and inside made a beeline for the bathroom. crisis averted! sighs of relief and gratefulness and crowds cheering and angels singing... you get the idea.

On the way out I noticed the manager looking sternly at her staff and assumed she was upset they let me use the bathroom even though I didn't buy anything. (Typing that out made me realize it's improbable that was the reason. haha. In my relief I guess I totally presumed that) So I approached the case looking for the cheapest thing I could buy and settled on a cookie. I was glad I went the economical route for the water because this cookie was no bargain. It's the best $2 I ever spent though! Buying an overpriced oatmeal raisin cookie to avoid pooping your pants in public at age 26 while miles away from home = priceless.